I became depressed as a consequence of some nasty behaviour by the people with whom I last worked.
I was put first on counselling, on also a low dose of an SSRI. Neither seemed to help much, if at all.
I hadn't noticed a seasonal aspect to my depression, but it turns out there was one.

There were several side-effects for me of the SSRI, which began to be a problem, so I tried to come off of them by very gradually reducing the dose.
Despite a low dose to start with, coming off of them resulted in some fairly big depressive crashes and the doctor advised me to return to the original dose and to not try again "until the days are getting longer". Rather shockingly I'd only reduced the dose to half the original prescription, which after the reduction was described as "below the level where it will have any effect on your depression".

I was eventually persuaded to change to another class of anti-depressant (Mirtazipine), which I'm still on and now very wary of trying to come off of it.

I am still not back to anything like normal and now suspect I will never be. I used to be unstoppable, now I struggle to get started.

Flatness, blunted, don't care? Definitely still, but I don't know how much that was the drugs and how much was the depression.

I'm not sure any of that helps other than "you're not alone", and you already know that.

Jazz relative beginner, starting at a much older age than was helpful.
AVL:MXE Linux; Windows 11
BIAB2025 Audiophile, a bunch of other software.
Kawai MP6, Ui24R, Focusrite Saffire Pro40 and Scarletts
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