Opps – sorry, I missed Jim's input for some reason.
Originally Posted by Jim Fogle
First impressions:
5:55 is a long time for a song.I would shoot for 3:00 maximum.
This version is 5:15 (which I agree is still long). However, the song when render extended 40 secs of silence at the end. That will be fixed and I will look to reduce the instrumental part to further shorten.
Originally Posted by Jim Fogle
The intro piano doesn't connect with the rest of the intro. You could drop it and listeners would never realize it is missing.
I kind of like that style of song writing. A short jazz flourish followed by stop time for the song pickup. I do this a lot. But I am not married to it so it may go.
Originally Posted by Jim Fogle
Too much echo on your vocal. It gives me the feeling you don't like your voice. But I do, I think it has an honest quality to it sort of like John Prine. Maybe listen to a John Prine or Bob Dylan recording to get an idea how professional engineers and mixers treat their vocals in a mix. You normally want the vocal to be a clear as possible, especially on a song this emotional.
The first verse is your pledge. I think you should try to be more forceful in your singing in the second part of the verse. Let the listener know you mean what you say.
Although the words are a repeat of the first verse, the second round is saying goodbye. Now is the time to let the emotion into your vocal. Sing it soft, like a lullaby.
Here is the good news. These vocals were a “quick and dirty take” sitting at my desktop with a Shure SM57. At which time I actually did like the sound of my voice. But instead of moving to the vocal booth for the Rode condenser mic, in the interest of time I just slapped on a preset from Isotope Nectar. The preset was literally “everything but the kitchen sink”. So yes I will fix the echo and effects and consider all your wonderful guidance when I sing the next version
Originally Posted by Jim Fogle
The piano is too far left and the violin too far right. You want some bleed through to the opposite channel. Look at how BiaB styles space two rhythm tracks (like guitars) mid left and mid right. Make the instrumental fade-out faster. .

Will do!
Originally Posted by Jim Fogle
From an emotional standpoint, that's got to be a tough song to work on. I admire the song and your desire to get it right.

I am sure you are aware my wife is dying in my home as I write and perform this song. So I truly appreciate the producer help with this project. . I am so glad I brought this to you folks early as I still have time and energy for this song.
Dan

Last edited by DrDan; 07/31/24 06:25 PM.

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