Interesting song. No one can ever claim that you're a boring 1, 4, 5 progression writer. Cool and interesting chord choices.
The vocal seems rushed and stiff in a few places but overall, well done.

I'm not sure either version has a piano part that really does the song justice. The first one is noodling and rambling with distracting stuff. The second one is a lot of plunking chords. The part really needs a minimalist approach but with tasty fills and arpeggiated chords that move smartly rather than plod along.

I like the song.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.