Originally Posted by rayc
1st thought was that I'd have edited the ah from the end of words during the intro spoken section.
2nd the synth reading of "...surf-tormented.." was very rushed/concertinaed/unnatural.
I don't hear any punk in this - some meaty guitar sections that are more like Quarterflash or the synth/orchestral Emo perhaps.
I like the music - pretty cool!
Ray, that's the perfect feedback I need when I'm in doubt.
If your first thought is to end the spoken part with “a dream ... dream ... dream ...”, it's worth a try, I'll see if it works better.
Good idea!

“surf-tormented shore” was a struggle because I found absolutely no reference to the prosody when this is sung.
My favorite was “surf <beat> tormented shore”, but I didn't think it was right because the adjective is “surf-tormented”, so it should be sung together.
If you (or anyone else) confirms that the pause between “surf” and “tormented” is fine, I'll be happy to change it.
I think the version Marty heard was like that.
Thanks a ton, that's really helpful [Linked Image - Only viewable when logged in]

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