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James, fantastic chord progression.
Good use of the synth vocal but I think that you could have sung it better.
I liked the acoustic version the best
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Thanks, floyd, appreciated. I thought the piano was exactly what I was looking for, here, so ... I used it  Thanks again for listening and for the kind comments!
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Ok, David, so ... firstly, THANKS for listening and immensely so for that incredibly detailed and huge amount of feedback I really appreciate it, more than you can imagine, perhaps. Yes, I was trying to set up a strong contrast between verse and chorus. I'm not sure it was haphazard As for avant-garde ... I really don't think so - as the fabulous composer and songwriter that you are, you KNOW what real avant-garde sounds like, right? This is NOT Stockhausen, thankfully I thought hard about eliminating that middle section instrumental. In the end, I kept it, but how important it is to have kept it is a matter of debate, I agree. I fail to see the contradiction in "the world will stop to spin". It's spinning now, last time I checked  ... so, in the eventuality that it "will stop to spin" (which was the meaning of the lyrics) ... etc . I don't see the contradiction, but maybe that's just me? "Taking the cup" refers to dying, of course. So "when our lives are up / I will gladly take that cup" means that "I will take the plunge" and "fly with you into the aether". So yes, the rhyme is convoluted, perhaps, but it does make sense? Toni Braxton goes down to a low D, below middle C, in "Unbreak My Heart". Here, I go to the F, a third above that note, below middle C - so, surely, a reasonable singer can sing that note, in view of the above, and it's hopefully NOT too low? The melody does go up (from the F onwards) on "fly with you into the aether", but it starts low, like any flight starts ... from land upwards ... I like your detailed feedbacks, so I do take them with a certain, hefty amount of seriousness - but, as you can see, I still do my own thing if I think it's important, so ... - but, honestly, THANK YOU for taking the time and effort to write so detailed about this little ditty of mine!!!
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Kind in abundance, as always, Noel. Thank you so, so much.
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Thanks, Mario! I agree about the acoustic version. I thought hard about singing this myself, but I wasn't sure I had the necessary range for it, so ... I chickened out of it! Thanks so much for your wonderful comments!
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James, listened to the acoustic version...very, VERY pretty. Super harmonic movement, and the piano sounds very natural. The ambient pad under the last part of the song was a nice choice, too. I sometimes find synth vocals annoying, but you've done a really nice job humanizing these, and they sound quite lovely. Super mix!
DC Ron
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Thanks Ron! I really appreciate your feedback! Good to know that some of what I've been trying to do, at least, seems to have worked Thanks again for listening and for taking the time to comment!
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James, of the two versions, I liked the acoustic better. The chorus is really well-designed, with an excellent lyric and melody line…I felt that is the strongest element. In my opinion, the rest is unnecessarily over complicated. I think you could simplify it so that the chorus really stands out..that’s what I would do.
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James, I'm so glad the Synth V revolution has given voice to your talent. I enjoyed this and it'll get even better as you master the software. Great piece, my friend!
Windows 11, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 2i2, Sony Acid Music Studio 10, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Eleanor’s sweet and tender vocal suits the also sweet lyric (says the sentimental Janice). Good arrangement (nice progression) and an open mix with good dynamics. We enjoyed both versions! And feel no need to try and pick a fav. J&B
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos are here on our website.
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I commented upon this days ago. I must've hit something other than post.
Your signature sound/chord progression with a good narrative and a pretty good synth voice.
I like the rhyming scheme.
Cheers
rayc
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Tano, thank you. I have now changed the original version (the link stays the same), so hopefully that will help a little. It's hard to simplify things, for me - I always tend to overthink ... but, hopefully, this changed version is now a little better? In any case, thanks so much for listening and commenting!
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TuneMonger, you are ever so kind and encouraging. Thank you ever so much.
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Thank you, Janice and Bud. I did want the lyrics to be sweet, if nothing else . I'm really happy you liked the song - thanks for the greatly encouraging feedback!
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Thanks Ray. Always a joy to hear from you, and I'm especially happy if you think something I've created has worked.
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Excellent song James. You are getting really good with the vocaloids. Cool lyric and excellent backing band.
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