Originally Posted by Tano Music
Really good…some specific comments:
1) if that’s a synthesized voice, I’m astounded..not sure how you did that, but it sounds perfect for this track!
2) really tight lyrics with beautiful rhyme schemes and exquisite handling of syllables to get just the right movement..no unnatural emphasis or “shoe-horning” of rhymes to make them work
3) the one lyric area that I think needs work is the one about the boat and the fence—I wonder if you can come up with a stronger idea there—this seemed not as clear and evident as the others
4) musically, excellent
Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for the critique, much appreciated. I totally agree about the boat/fence line, it's the weakest one imo. Have decided to change it to:-

'Meanwhile I'm out here trying to stay afloat'

I think this is more in keeping with the direction of that verse, scans and makes a little more sense lol.

Once again thank you

Regards

Pete

Sometimes you just have to say f### it and do it anyway!

Proud Scotsman 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 now residing in England