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Soundcloud - Artefacts (now with a chorus) When I originally posted this song here, I had a recurring instrumental motif instead of a chorus, for the excuses listed in the original post. Thanks to Izzy Seriass ... … That “chorus”, though… it’s as catchy as a cold in winter, but it's playing it a little safe. It’s more of a recurring motif than a fully realized chorus, and I think a proper chorus would really elevate the song. You've already handled the often-tricky bridge, which is a huge plus. So, what we have here is a cracking good song... just needs a chorus that isn't afraid to show off a bit! (IMO, of course, because my musical opinions are older than sliced bread.) ... who encouraged me to add a chorus, I have now uploaded a new version to Soundcloud, but no Youtube yet. The song is in in E major, but I wanted to do something a bit different for the chorus - I just felt more of E major might lose something (is it writer’s fatigue?), so the chorus jumps to F# major, then back to E major for the verses and bridge and outro. I’ve retained the original instrumental motif for the intro and the outro. Other than that, all the normal shortcomings of my songcraft and production are there.  ****** BIAB Song Summary *************Title: Artefacts Soloist is saved with the song : Pop 16th. Guitar (126) Style is =AGRASCL.STY (Slow Ballad Strummed Guitar) Style MIDI Instruments are : Acoustic Piano (1), RealTracks in song: 784:Bass, Electric, PopCrossover Sw16 075 – used in the chorus only – my own bass in intro, verses, bridge and outroRealTracks in style: 625:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Rascal Sw 075 – not used – my own guitars used throughoutRealTracks in song: 1159:Organ, B3, Rhythm ReggaeSlow Sw 075 RealDrums in style:NashvilleSwing16^4-a:HiHat, Sidestick , b:Snare, Hihat LYRICSINTROVERSE 1I’ve become a different kind of man With my relics and artefacts on hand Excavated from the past describing who I am Manuscripts and carvings in the clay The key to deciphering who I am today CHORUS 1What have I become now that I’m old Has my character withstood the test of time? Will I find there are artefacts of gold And will I be pleased to say they’re mine? VERSE 2I was quite reserved when I was young Occasionally I’d talk out of turn Now I look myself up and down, via objects buried low I created them, collected on the road Testaments to shaping me. Where did that young man go? CHORUS 2What have I become now that I’m old Has my character withstood the test of time? Will I find there are artefacts of gold And will I be pleased to say they’re mine? BRIDGEThings have not come easy I’ve worked hard I feel unsettled now with what I have become Bring back that younger man with pieces of yesterday And hoping that the artefact is me OUTRO
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Journeyman
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Soundcloud - Artefacts (now with a chorus) When I originally posted this song here, I had a recurring instrumental motif instead of a chorus, for the excuses listed in the original post. Thanks to Izzy Seriass ... [quote=Izzy] … That “chorus”, though… it’s as catchy as a cold in winter, but it's playing it a little safe. It’s more of a recurring motif than a fully realized chorus, and I think a proper chorus would really elevate the song. You've already handled the often-tricky bridge, which is a huge plus. So, what we have here is a cracking good song... just needs a chorus that isn't afraid to show off a bit! (IMO, of course, because my musical opinions are older than sliced bread.) ... who encouraged me to add a chorus, I have now uploaded a new version to Soundcloud, but no Youtube yet. ⎜ big ✂ snip ⎜............................................. Andrew, The alchemical process of songwriting can be a brutal affair . By the time I'm done, my own ears are ringing with Stockholm Syndrome. That's when the long-suffering significant other is dragged in for the "forest for the trees" analysis (usually involving sighs and pointed glances at the clock). 🙄 But your "Artefacts" was different. I saw a Formula 1 machine, sleek and powerful, just aching for that final, glorious surge. I'm flattered you considered my humble tinkering suggestions. And now? Well, now it's a bespoke banger of a tune that's practically demanding a podium finish. Congratulations on unleashing the beast! 👍 Izzy.
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I like this a lot, Andrew. There's a Bowie-esque, Who-esque quality. The lyrics are very thought-provoking. It's so awesome to see how another member's suggestions can be just the thing that bring a tune out of its shell.
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… It's so awesome to see how another member's suggestions can be just the thing that bring a tune out of its shell. Yes I agree - this is what the forum’s purpose is. I am loving that I found it - hearing other people’s gems that inspire new songs in me, and hearing my songs and making great suggestions for improvement. Andrew D
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… And now? Well, now it's a bespoke banger of a tune that's practically demanding a podium finish. Congratulations on unleashing the beast! Thanks for your help Izzy!
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Yep, as others have said, quite Bowie-esque. The key changes are exactly what the song needed to be special. Really good ![[Linked Image - Only viewable when logged in]](https://www.pgmusic.com/forums/images/icons/default/thumbs_up.gif)
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Good lyrics, the chorus is fine, overall a solid effort. And yes, a bit of Bowie in it. Well done.
Windows 11, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 2i2, Sony Acid Music Studio 10, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Andrew
Well done
Nice use of BIAB
Good vocals
Nicely mixed
Enjoyed the listen
.fj
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Wow, what a cool transition, Andrew. THANKS, Izzy, and well done, Andrew. I like the key change --it sets it off nicely. Well mixed, played and sung too.
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Andrew, I like this a lot better than the original, and I liked the original.
Adding that chorus key change did the trick, it took a good song and made it a great song.
I really liked this version
OK, a random thought;
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who's not buying it?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Hi Andrew,
I didn't hear the original, but this sure sounds great! I have several songs in which I changed key for the chorus and/or bridge. It's pretty cool when it works - and it works perfectly here
Nice write, nice arrangement, great sound! A very nice listen!
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Well, I'll go with Bowie fronting Split Enz. Deliciously offbeat and undeniably cool. Sounds really nice, too. Great vocals and vocal layering. Super song!
I learn a lot from posters on this forum, too. They're a good bunch of folks.
DC Ron
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Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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I like the chorus and the key change works smoothly. I agree with BYOB that this is Bowie-esque, very much so. Well done!
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I like this a lot, Andrew. There's a Bowie-esque, Who-esque quality. Yep, as others have said, quite Bowie-esque. And yes, a bit of Bowie in it. Well done. Nice use of BIAB, Good vocals, Nicely mixed, Enjoyed the listen .fj Wow, what a cool transition, Andrew. THANKS, Izzy, and well done, Andrew. I like the key change --it sets it off nicely. Adding that chorus key change did the trick, it took a good song and made it a great song. I really liked this version I didn't hear the original, but this sure sounds great! I have several songs in which I changed key for the chorus and/or bridge. It's pretty cool when it works - and it works perfectly here Well, I'll go with Bowie fronting Split Enz. Deliciously offbeat and undeniably cool. … I learn a lot from posters on this forum, too. They're a good bunch of folks. I agree with BYOB that this is Bowie-esque, very much so. Well done! Thank you everyone for your generous comments. Bowie with a dash of Split Enz? I'm not worthy, but they both had significant impact on my early listening years. As you hear more of my songs, you'll find I'm not averse to straying outside the diatonic. And thanks again to Izzy for his gentle nudge to do more, and wholeheartedly agree with DC Ron regarding this forum. I discovered it way too late. Andrew D
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