I don't recall if I commented on previous versions of this.

I'm a big fan of using Synth V (SV) but you really have to spend some time to get the most out of those voices. This is extremely "synthy" sounding to my ears. Robotic is perhaps a better word. Articulations, timing, and pitch variations are the secret if there is a secret.

The rhythm of the lyrics in a few places were a bit unnatural sounding. A simple lyric rewrite to change the way things are said would go a long way towards making this lay on the ears easier. An example from your lyric: "my heart you broke".... no one talks like that who speaks English. Change to : "You broke my heart." However, that probably requires changing the primary rhyme in the preceding line from "spoke" which might entail a complete reworking of the first line of the song. Nobody ever said songwriting was easy. Don't get lazy. Take the time to learn, put in the work to make it happen and you will be rewarded with a well written song.

You're on the right path so keep on working on this.

You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.