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Soundcloud - Sign up today (BIAB mix)
Youtube - original mix n.b. This Youtube version contains my bass, acoustic guitar, but no BIAB piano.

I gave myself a challenge to write a song using an upwards or downwards line with semitone steps. I obliquely fulfilled this in the pre-chorus in the rising bass line. The title for the song was the first thing, accompanied by the melody - it came to me in the bathroom, so I quickly got it down, knowing these ideas have the habit of disappearing unless recorded. I finished the chorus quickly, then through a series of iterative steps, ended up with the verse chords, melody and lyrics.
It bothered me however, that the theme of the verses (hardship) and chorus (aspiration) were at odds. In the end, I left the awkward contrast.
Instrument-wise, I played added rhythm ‘morse code’ guitars, flute and piano intro keys and all vocals.
This was arranged, recorded and mixed in Cakewalk. The Youtube version (link above) contains my bass and acoustic guitar i.e. no BIAB acoustic guitar, bass or piano.

****** Song Summary *************
Style is _OUTING.STY (Outing Bright Indie Guitar)

RealTracks in style: 3501:Bass, Electric, NashvilleRadioBalladAB Ev16 075
RealTracks in style: 2808:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm SoulfulPop16thsMike Ev16 065
RealTracks in style: 3654:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking IndiePickingBright Ev16 075
RealDrums in style:NashvilleEven16^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride
Recorded and mixed in Cakewalk, with added vocals, backing vocals, 'morse code' rhythm guitars, piano intro, outro lead guitars, sforzando flute style motif via M-Audio Oxygen 49 MKV and double lead guitar playing the outro instrumental.
*******************

LYRICS
INTRO

VERSE 1
You grew your wings, did all the things but you ain’t going nowhere
You practiced your flapping, but with no chance to fly
Though you learned to sing, didn’t mean a thing with no-one to hear you
And here you are without guitar and you’re wondering why?

PRE-CHORUS
You’re turning the handle but the doors are closed
The party’s raging and you’re stuck at home
No-one’s listening and your mind’s about to explode

CHORUS
Sign up today to love sign up today to kindness
It’s easy to ignore it all, but better to knock down the walls
That hold us back and keep us apart

Sign up today for hope say goodbye to blindness
You have to seek the best in all, lifting up those prone to fall
Do your best to find the common ground
Sign up today

VERSE 3
You honed your skills through many a drill, but with no chance to use them
You thought you could flourish, but you’re withered and dry
Not all around you are not as affected
You’re tied to the ground, and not able to rise

PRE-CHORUS
You’re saving your money and your balance has grown
There’s many like you so you’re not alone
No-one’s listening and you’re left without a home

CHORUS
Sign up today to love sign up today to kindness
It’s easy to ignore it all, but better to knock down the walls
That hold us back and keep us apart

Sign up today for hope say goodbye to blindness
You have to seek the best in all, lifting up those prone to fall
Building bridges and being kind, reaching out without losing your mind
Do your best find the common ground

OUTRO INSTRUMENTAL

I really like this. You really have a good song here.

That chorus is really powerful. I immediately thought about the song We Are The World. It's that kind of chorus. The verses are good, and support the chorus but the chorus is absolutely beautiful.

I guess the part I'm hearing is the Morse code guitar... I like the groove it's establishing. However it's a little bit too loud in the mix by a few dB and the vocal could stand to come up a few dB. It might just be that the vocals are not loud enough and when bumped up to sit on top, everything else might be in its place. Don't bury the vox in the music. This song is about the message in the words.

I found a few places where the phrasing was awkward that could benefit from a simple lyric revision to fit in the natural groove. Nothing to big that can't be fixed by a quick punch in/out at those places.

Excellent work

Andrew,

Great song. A very cool set of lyrics and an excellent vocal. I also really like your instrumentation here - a perfect fit.

Another good one!

Bob

Andrew, you've got a great Bowie groove going on here. Like the strong stereo image supporting the vocals. Those organs(?) sounds are very cool, too. And a nice bit of songcraft as well. I don't find the theme dissonance a distraction whatsoever. That's just like, y'know? Nice one!

Thanks Herb - that is really useful feedback - I will revisit the levels of morse code guitar and vocals. Also re the phrasing - I noticed recently it is something I do - some of my songs have tricky phrasing, and given I don't have the most agile tongue, I can sometimes fall over myself, or have the emphasis on the wrong syllable making it sound un-natural. I think this is because I have a proclivity to demote the importance of lyrics compared to music. I'll definitely list this as re-record/remix project.

Thanks Bob. Within my limited skill set, I like coming up with interesting sounds for instruments - thus the 'morse code' guitars. Re the lyrics, I am passionate about young people being able to get into housing. Here in Australia, our successive governments have had all the 'policy levers' wrong where they incentivise via tax breaks investment in property and have done very little in terms of social and affordable housing. The contrast between verses and chorus is relevant because it is tantamount to saying to young people and others looking at home ownership 'Chin up!' It has a double meaning in that those of us in homes should have more empathy for those that don't. Thanks for your generous words, Bob!

Thanks Ron! The organ I think you're referring to are my keys playing Sforzando flutes - I'm trying to replicate a mellotron sound (e.g. Strawberry Fields). The actual 'riff' played by the keys was inspired by The Jayhawks 'I'd run away' and in particular, keyboardist Karen Grotberg's playing in the chorus of that song. Thanks for listening!

Andrew

Just read the title --where do I sign? Speaking of which, I guess I forgot to push ALL for notifications on you videos. Corrected that. Yep, I'm signed up to get notice as soonas you post.

Bathrooms are great places for creativity, and you came up with a fun melody, and YES, you accepted the challenge and excelled in execution. Harship to aspiration is a progression. I'm on my 3rd listen, one on SC, and two on YT. Very different. I like the YT one better, although SC notoriously (yet arguably) has better sound quality. Keep challenger yourself, Andrew, and keep posting the wonderful results.

What a great message, "You have to seek the best in all, lifting up those prone to fall" and "Building bridges and being kind, reaching out without losing your mind", such pleasant positivity in finding the common ground.

Very catchy chorus. Good vocals and the harmonies work very well. I enjoyed the upwards & downwards movements, you have succeeded with the natural sounding chord progression. Sort of a flower power song, the band supports that mood nicely in a homespun way.

Janne

As Marty wrote on SC: "Man, well said, well played." Not only in the US, but also in the UK and other places there's barely a future for the young - or for families!. I'm just so glad I was a teenager in the 60s and don't have much longer in this utterly corrupt world.

Thanks for your listening and watching support Marty!
SC v YT - that’s an interesting point. I might have to do a comparison with a song where I’ve posted exactly the same mp3 to both.
Andrew D

Thanks Janne! Lyrics aren’t my strong point or my greatest interest in the process of songwriting, but those lines I am pretty happy with - thanks for noticing.
The chorus does stand out - aided by the mellotron sounding keys and the tension created in the pre-chorus. I don’t think it would stand up on its own, but is greatly helped by the things around it.
Andrew D

And well said to you Chay! I think we have to be very careful we don’t disenfranchise the next generation to the point that they take it to the streets. After all, they are our future.
Andrew

Hi Andrew,

I enjoyed your song, thanks for sharing it!

I especially liked your chorus, with its strong chord progression, your lyrics, and the guitar.

Like DC Ron, I didn't mind the contrasting themes of the verse and chorus at all.

I listened to both the Soundcloud and YouTube versions, and like another commenter, I preferred the YouTube version.

Keep up the good work!

Hi Andrew,

I'm hearing a Fool on the Hill kinda vibe to this very touching song, giving sagely advice to our younger generations. The piano, at least to my ears, felt a little too forward during the verses. Just me? But it's another interestingly constructed song. I like the contrast!

Hi Beth
The ‘Fool on the hill’ vibe might be the mellotron I was trying to create - and maybe became obsessed with? That is in the chorus.
The piano in the verses… I’m wondering if you mean my ‘morse code’ guitars as there’s no piano in the verses - hold on, I might have to check. Someone else (Herb I think) commented those guitars might be too forward.
The contrast in chorus lyrics sort of became resolved in my mind by a double meaning - to my generation to be more compassionate and generous, and to next gen maintain hope.
Andrew

Really liked this project…groove was excellent, instrumentation ++…very catchy title/hook!
Two comments:
1) I think there are places as the end of segments where it would more effective to have a hold, like on the phrase “without a home”..I’d hold there, then kick back into the next segment…creates kind of a spacing
2) there are a couple of lyric words that sound a little awkward, like flap-PING…maybe just change how you sing it or find an alternative that’s smoother..when it happens right at the top of the song I think it puts the listener on guard in the wrong way to see “how is he going to make THAT smooth out?”
Great work! Those long bathroom visits are worth it, no matter what she says about it!!

Thanks Tom!
1. Good idea!
2. I had a gut feeling that word wasn’t best - should’ve been more attuned to it.
Andrew

Andrew, an excellent song with a great message.
I listened to the Youtube version as I like to hear others play their instrument. You are a very talented multi-instrument musician as well as an excellent singer.
Great mix also.
One of your best for sure.

Thanks Mario! I will probably continue releasing duel versions of songs in future because I feel there is something authentic about doing as much of it myself where I can, but also a BIAB version to acknowledge this forum, the product, and that a lot of my song development and inspiration comes from using BIAB.
Andrew