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Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Jul 2017
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Ive been trying to write a Waylonesque style song for a while and sort of threw this together in the truck the other day..............Blue Collar Worker striving to attain the American Dream but finding out its not quite as sold to him...........Now Im a Brit so have probably got it wrong lol so apologies to my new friends over the pond. but I can only go on what I read/hear etc! All BIAB tracks Demo Vocals by Me Rough mix etc in Mixcraft https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=15062441[Verse 1] Sun comes up, I lace my boots, Punch that clock, earn my dues. Thirty years on this factory line, Still chasing dreams that ain't mine. I’ve built the bones of another man’s dream, But it ain't as golden as it seems. [Chorus] Broken calloused hands can't hold the sky, No matter how hard they reach or try. They say work will set you free, But freedom’s a ghost I’ll never see. The American Dream, it’s slipping like sand, Through these broken, calloused hands. [Verse 2] Mortgage late, the truck needs tires, Kids outgrow what life requires. I save my pride, though the cupboards are lean, Living paycheck prayers, in a worn routine. I fix what breaks, but I can’t mend, The dream they sold me back then. [Prechorus] I was told, “Hard work builds a better life,” But the ladder’s broke, and the climb cuts like a knife. [Chorus] Broken calloused hands can't hold the sky, No matter how hard they reach or try. They say work will set you free, But freedom’s a ghost I’ll never see. The American Dream, it’s slipping like sand, Through these broken, calloused hands. [Bridge] I’ve prayed to the Lord, I’ve cursed at the stars, I’ve buried my hope in a rusted jar. They paint the promise with red, white, and blue, But I’m staring at cracks, where the truth leaks through. ****** Song Summary ************* Title: Broken Calloused Hands (The American Dream) File:Broken Calloused Hands (The American Dream).SGU Key=E , Tempo 77, Length (m:s)=3:53 No intro. 71 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 71. Repeat x1 chorus No Melody No Soloist track. Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0, Song is saved with bar changes for Volume Changes, Style is _BAND.STY (Band Country Ballad) RealTracks in style: 2915:Bass, Electric CountryPopByron12-key Ev 085 RealTracks in style: 2024:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryJohn Ev 085 RealTracks in style: 4024:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm ModCountryBalladHeldPlus Ev16 075 RealTracks in style: 3155:Mandola, Rhythm AmericanaMountain16thsAndy ev16 070 RealTracks in song: ~~362:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Ev 085 RealTracks in song: 1705:Guitar, Electric, Soloist CountryBrent Ev 085 RealTracks in song: 1705:Guitar, Electric, Soloist CountryBrent Ev 085 RealDrums in style:AmericanaSlowRockFred^1-a:Sidestick ,HiHat , b:Ride ,Snare *******************
Sometimes you just have to say f### it and do it anyway!
Proud Scotsman 🏴 now residing in England
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I'm not an expert in this genre (I'm from the same side of the big pond as you), but I think your song is pretty good.
I would probably speed it up a couple of BPM, but I already like it the way it is now.
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Expert
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Expert
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That's a really nice production for a demo, plus it's an excellent c&w song and vocal considering you're a Brit.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#58: Bring consciousness to it.
#63: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#92: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Hi Pete! Not my listening genre and never heard any Waylon Jennings that I know of, but this has a good feel to it and good quality. You are good at your craft. I particularly like the 'zing' - that the last two lines of the chorus bring. Regarding lyrics, IMHO, I don't think you've got it wrong. Being outside the US affords some objectivity. ...Now Im a Brit so have probably got it wrong lol I wondered if you were from US but now living in the UK - have I understood correctly? Some bread crumbs are 'dues', truck, tires, paycheck. This would account for why you are writing country songs and not those in the style of Stones/Oasis/Blur.  Andrew
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Something I really liked is the "economy" of your verse's melody phrases--no unnecessary notes...kind of staccato, but very effective. Also the stops in the bridge--great design. And I liked how, in the chorus, you extended beyond the 4 lines that you'd expect and added "The American dream" lines--very expertly done! One thing I'd do differently--that ending "sounds" like what BIAB likes to create--too predictable to those of us who know BIAB very well--I'd prefer maybe to fade out, just to make the ending my own---but that's my taste.
Great work. You should spend more time in the truck!!
Windows 11, Intel Core i5-8600T 2.3Ghz, 16 gig ram, BIAB 2025 MegaPak, SampleTank 4, Keystation49 Kybd, Neewer NW-800 mic
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Apprentice
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Apprentice
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I'm not an expert in this genre (I'm from the same side of the big pond as you), but I think your song is pretty good.
I would probably speed it up a couple of BPM, but I already like it the way it is now. Thank you buddy, yes I agree it could be a tad quicker. That's a really nice production for a demo, plus it's an excellent c&w song and vocal considering you're a Brit. That's a really nice production for a demo, plus it's an excellent c&w song and vocal considering you're a Brit. Thank you, much appreciated 👍 Hi Pete! Not my listening genre and never heard any Waylon Jennings that I know of, but this has a good feel to it and good quality. You are good at your craft. I particularly like the 'zing' - that the last two lines of the chorus bring. Regarding lyrics, IMHO, I don't think you've got it wrong. Being outside the US affords some objectivity. ...Now Im a Brit so have probably got it wrong lol I wondered if you were from US but now living in the UK - have I understood correctly? Some bread crumbs are 'dues', truck, tires, paycheck. This would account for why you are writing country songs and not those in the style of Stones/Oasis/Blur. Andrew Hi Andrew, thanks pal I appreciate your comment. My grammar is in need of a kick up the addressee as I forgot to put an , after the word now! I am indeed a Brit, was born and bred in the land of the Gods, Scotland......🏴 Something I really liked is the "economy" of your verse's melody phrases--no unnecessary notes...kind of staccato, but very effective. Also the stops in the bridge--great design. And I liked how, in the chorus, you extended beyond the 4 lines that you'd expect and added "The American dream" lines--very expertly done! One thing I'd do differently--that ending "sounds" like what BIAB likes to create--too predictable to those of us who know BIAB very well--I'd prefer maybe to fade out, just to make the ending my own---but that's my taste.
Great work. You should spend more time in the truck!! Thank you buddy, appreciate you taking the time to listen and comment. Totally agree on the ending, a fade out will be on the finished/. Mastered track, and as for spending MORE time in the truck, please don't let my boss see that remark, the pay is crap as it is and I don't see enough of my wife and daughter lol ( they may well disagree with that last statement!!) Thank you all Pete
Sometimes you just have to say f### it and do it anyway!
Proud Scotsman 🏴 now residing in England
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Waylonesque indeed. Excellent lyrics and vocal performance. Yep, the so-called American Dream can often turn into a nightmare for sure. Such a good backing track and the solo is perfect. Much enjoyed, Pete, and I stayed on your Soundclick for a few more.
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Nice job, Pete. Super arrangement and strong vocals. Very authentic sounding American country, especially by a Brit. Interestingly/sadly, from my recent listens, American country has become something of a glossy parody of the country I grew up listening to when Waylon and the other Outlaws were defining the genre. IMHO you're doing a much more authentic take in Lancashire. 
DC Ron
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Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Hi, Pete. Yep, you've got that classic country sound there. Nice write, and well sung and arranged! I'm just not sure what a "rusted jar" is. 
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Another fine effort by you, I especially liked the lyrics in the bridge. Seems like you're the Keith Urban of GB. Great work.
Windows 11, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 2i2, Sony Acid Music Studio 10, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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Pete, great vocal
The song is very much like a Waylon song
Great backing band and an excellent mix
I really liked this country song.
I got banned from Weight Watchers for dropping a bag of M&Ms on the floor.
It was the best game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen!
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Apprentice
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Waylonesque indeed. Excellent lyrics and vocal performance. Yep, the so-called American Dream can often turn into a nightmare for sure. Such a good backing track and the solo is perfect. Much enjoyed, Pete, and I stayed on your Soundclick for a few more.[/quote Thanks Marty! I'm a big Waylon fan so this was a bit of an experiment in styles etc, one I think that has given dividends lol. Thank you also for hitting up my Soundclick account, hope you enjoyed what you heard. As always, respect Pete[quote=DC Ron]Nice job, Pete. Super arrangement and strong vocals. Very authentic sounding American country, especially by a Brit. Interestingly/sadly, from my recent listens, American country has become something of a glossy parody of the country I grew up listening to when Waylon and the other Outlaws were defining the genre. IMHO you're doing a much more authentic take in Lancashire. Rob, thank you so much. I couldn't agree more with you in regards to the current material coming out of Nashville, way too "poppy" for my tastes. That said I'm sure the purists said exactly the same when the likes of Garth Brooks etc hit the scene!! I was, like you, introduced (by my late dad) to the likes of Waylon,Merle, Cash etc as a youngster and have lived the genre ever since. Lancashire thanks you👍😂👍 Hi, Pete. Yep, you've got that classic country sound there. Nice write, and well sung and arranged! I'm just not sure what a "rusted jar" is. David, thank you very much. I appreciate your comment. Now, as for a 'rusty jar' I kinda used it as a metaphor as we all hide/put things away in our minds etc..... Well that was my intention anyway lol. Oh and it rhymes lol Pete Another fine effort by you, I especially liked the lyrics in the bridge. Seems like you're the Keith Urban of GB. Great work. Well sir, that's a very large compliment indeed, thank you so much Pete Pete, great vocal
The song is very much like a Waylon song
Great backing band and an excellent mix
I really liked this country song. Mario, thank you once again, I really do appreciate your input. Pete
Sometimes you just have to say f### it and do it anyway!
Proud Scotsman 🏴 now residing in England
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