Hi Hans,

You asked me to follow up on what I meant by " some of the words do not fit melodically." First, let me say I like the song and love the message! Great job with that! It is always difficult, though, to write political songs. The language one must often employ doesn't lend itself well to song meter. There is the tendency to use phrases that make the point but don't flow. Now, I think it is entirely possible to write a message song that works. But it ain't easy. You did a great job of making the words work by your singing. "You sung them into shape" is a phrase I use often here on the forum. And that's what you did here. So good job there! If you want, I wrote a message song called "Your Dish" about veganism that you can hear on my Soundcloud page. It uses lines like "line production raises beings bred for pain," but I think it flows pretty well nonetheless. Also, listen to "Hymn for the Oppressed" on the same page. Neil Young's song "After the Gold Rush" is an absolutely brilliant study along the same lines. I hope this helps some, and I encourage you to continue to write message songs because they are very much needed!

Last edited by TuneMonger; Yesterday at 09:01 AM.
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