Hi Brain and TM,

Thanks for you comments. And yes, sometimes words can cause a bump, especially in another language.
I invite you to sing in Dutch one day. Maybe Brain will come close by ;-)
And I keep singing in English too.

Originally Posted by B.D.Thomas
That's the good thing about being a musician: you can address everything that's wrong with the world with your words and a sad melody.
David has already addressed some of the bumpy phrasing (as a non-native speaker, I have the same problems), but apart from that, it's a wonderful song.
The right instruments in the right places, good lyrics and vocals - there's nothing not to like about it [Linked Image - Only viewable when logged in]

Hi Brain, no, I also used other instruments from Native Instruments and loops from Logic Pro in the song. But BiaB is -of course- leading in finding the melodies.
But thanks for the compliments!

Originally Posted by TuneMonger
Hi Hans,

You asked me to follow up on what I meant by " some of the words do not fit melodically." First, let me say I like the song and love the message! Great job with that! It is always difficult, though, to write political songs. The language one must often employ doesn't lend itself well to song meter. There is the tendency to use phrases that make the point but don't flow. Now, I think it is entirely possible to write a message song that works. But it ain't easy. You did a great job of making the words work by your singing. "You sung them into shape" is a phrase I use often here on the forum. And that's what you did here. So good job there! If you want, I wrote a message song called "Your Dish" about veganism that you can hear on my Soundcloud page. It uses lines like "line production raises beings bred for pain," but I think it flows pretty well nonetheless. Also, listen to "Hymn for the Oppressed" on the same page. Neil Young's song "After the Gold Rush" is an absolutely brilliant study along the same lines. I hope this helps some, and I encourage you to continue to write message songs because they are very much needed!

Hi TM, thanks for your reply. It's difficult to discuss this topic because there are too many angles, when writing lyrics; what do you want to sing about, how to keep distance from sensitive parts, what image can say more than 1000 words, etc. Of course I read beautiful lyrics, also from who you are pointing at. You have masters in writing and other who try. I am one of the latter category...

Hans

Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130