Hi, David,

Throw-away song? Nope, not in my book. I think it's a great demo - excellent by demo standards.. Put as little spit & polish on this and i think you'll hasve a great song.

I don't think your chorus is all that weak. This line is the only part of the chorus I think is a bit weak. "And I am helpless as a rabbit on the run" .Maybe something a little more nuanced to the theme, maybe something like, "I'm as empty as a day without the sun." You can probably do better than that, it's just a thought that crossed my mind. In what's left of my mind, "a rabbit on the run, breaks character with the other lines". I think it's somewhat extraneous to the theme. But heck, what do I know? Di once told me, "I have an extra ten minutes, tell me everything you know."

I think you have a very solid foundation here. I'd pursue it a little more if I were you.

Best to you.

Alan

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