Hi, Alan.

Originally Posted by Al-David
Throw-away song? Nope, not in my book. I think it's a great demo - excellent by demo standards.. Put as little spit & polish on this and i think you'll have a great song.
Thanks!

After all the work, I don't think of it as a "throw away", even though it started that way.

And I'm pretty sure that I'm all out of polish at this point. wink

But... it serves as a reminder to me not to wait before fixing things if I think they might be a problem. Otherwise, it takes a lot more work to repair, because major sections need to be completely redone and a lot of effort is lost.

On the other hand, it's a good way to trick my brain into not becoming overly fussy about things and just "get it done".

Quote
I don't think your chorus is all that weak. This line is the only part of the chorus I think is a bit weak. "And I am helpless as a rabbit on the run" .Maybe something a little more nuanced to the theme, maybe something like, "I'm as empty as a day without the sun." You can probably do better than that, it's just a thought that crossed my mind. In what's left of my mind, "a rabbit on the run, breaks character with the other lines". I think it's somewhat extraneous to the theme. But heck, what do I know? Di once told me, "I have an extra ten minutes, tell me everything you know."
Ha!

The irony is that's my favorite line in the song, even though I probably borrowed the idea from Pink Floyd's "Time". laugh

But I hear what you're saying, and I'll give it some thought.

Quote
I think you have a very solid foundation here. I'd pursue it a little more if I were you.
Thanks! I appreciate the honest feedback! smile

-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?