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Wow, I have not been keeping up with the rabbits (a reference to one of Mario's songs about the forum). I can devote some time today to catch up. I've been working... and working on my first waltz which I share with you now. I was inspired by the words of a Sufi master, Mansur al-Hallaj, so I can't take credit for the beauty in the lyrics. I'm mostly happy with it though I am unsure if: the plucky fiddle is too loud? the pitch-altered male voice is too artificial? (of course it is!) UPDATE: My ex was around today, so I asked him if he'd record his voice, so the version now on Soundcloud includes his voice matched to my pitched altered-voice. An interesting and improved sound, I hope! UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: I made some more changes... this time extending the song and separating the two main vocal lines for clarity. I also tweaked some of the instrumentation. if I overused the rests...although the point was to evoke a moment of eternity (lol...that's one of those oxymorons!) As akeays...moves fingers back to right place on keyboard...as always, thanks for your listens and comments if so moved to do so. Eternity on Soundcloud Style is _SKIM.STY (Skim Pop Piano Waltz) RealTracks in style: 1189:Bass, Electric, HardRockWaltz Ev 140 RealTracks in style: 3671:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm NewAgeFastWaltzArpSync Ev 150 RealTracks in style: 898:Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, Strumming FolkRockWaltz Ev 150 RealDrums in style:PopRockWaltzEv,SideStickHat,Ride: a: Sidestick. HiHat b: PopRockWaltzEv,SideStickHat,Ride Added: RT4194:Guzheng, Background GentleSwing sw 110 RT2328:Shakuhachi, Synth, Background NewAge Ev 110 RT3146:Fiddle, 5-string, Background FolkWaltzChopsAndy Ev 18 Main Vocal: dynamics, reverb, doubled, vocal rider BGVs: dynamics, reverb, echo chorus, pitch change, enhancement, vocal rider Feat. Stuart Davies on the talky bits! LYRICS: Somewhere between the name and the named lies a distance that only the Truth can reveal The leaves of the trees did rustle and tremble revealing your face in the warm summer breeze My body, a tingle, my heart opened wide as I disappeared into the sky absorbed in the sea in the depths of eternity eternity Everywhere you are, our eyes are upon you And somehow we’re unseeing, unseeing, blind I saw the Lord with the eyes of my heart and I disappeared into eternity Your name is on my lips, your image in my eyes, your memory is in my heart. inspired by the words of Mansur al-Hallaj
Last edited by BYOBand; 10/11/25 08:59 AM.
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Beth, another really nice one. Super vocals and those floating harmonies imply the underlying spirituality of the song to my ears. Like your adaptation of the words of Mansur al-Hallaj, too. Very creative and cool all the way around.
Fiddle too loud? Nope, sounds right to me. Pitch-shifted male vocal too artificial? Well, yes, but you've got it tucked away in the mix far enough where I didn't find it in the least distracting. Overused rests? No, each one serves as a nice dynamic device that supports the song.
Nice one!
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Beth,
Your vocal on this is stunning...
A beautiful and touching production. This mix is perfect - no issues with the fiddle or male voice.
You are creating some beautiful music these days.
Bob
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Thanks, Ron. I appreciate you responding to my concerns.
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Hi Beth! Listened 3 times now, but only to your latest version. Your BVs behind your main vocal are great - two thoughts came to mind - they conjured angels (or others) singing with you, or illustrating your voice over time and space coming back in multiples ways. The fiddle and piano providing the rhythm backing kept the song moving forward and were a good combination. I found it hard in the last verse to hear what the male and your voice were saying … then it was over. To continue your own humour, I thought ‘Eternity’ was short.  One idea could be to lengthen and give each voice their own space? Very good song - and good to have you back adding your thought-provoking and melodic songs to the forum after a short hiatus! Andrew
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I cheated when listening to this song as I was already in the eternal moment savouring my favourite dark chocolate! It's Peruvian and both better and cheaper then the famous Swiss brands. Great lyrics, even if inspired by al-H'. Personal taste: ice cream and chocolate should always be ice cream and chocolate and never have lumpy or crunchy bits thrown in (like B&J's - not to be confused with Janice and Bud!), so for me the addition of the male voice in the song was like nuts in chocolate or 'cookie dough' in ice cream. Stay chocolate and ice creamy - even chocolate ice creamy! 
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#58: Bring consciousness to it.
#63: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#92: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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Beth - your vocals and productions have a unique quality,
very impressive indeed and wise words as usual!
A voice like none other!!
Would love to hear your great vocals over something
simpler - like just an ac guitar or a piano (or both), let's
hear you 'up front' - just a thought.
Carl
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Thanks for listening, Andrew. I've reworked the ending for clarity's sake. Thanks for that helpful input.
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Mmm...hard to beat a good dark chocolate. However, I have to disagree on the pure ice cream thing. I have to have nuts or chocolate chips or coconut or mashed brownies, or cookies, or something of texture on my ice cream. But, I do agree that ending of the song was messy, so I reworked it. Thanks for the help!
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Hi Carl,
Do you mean on this composition or just in general? I probably won't change this one, but maybe I'll do something more simple again in future. I've only done a couple like that as I'm having too much fun with BIAB's multitude of choices!
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I meant in general Beth - this one should certainly remain as is,
no I just felt like hearing your fab vocals over a simpler backing
so that it's not 'buried' in a complex mix - wanna hear you pop
out front as it were, because you have the skills and now the
experience. I'm thinking Joni on piano/guitar & singing!
Anyway - no big deal, very well done on this one! Carl
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Beth
This track is a Sufi serenade, a sonic journey through Mansur al-Hallaj's wisdom, that truly wows. With a "SKIM.STY" spirit, it's a waltz of acoustic warmth and ethereal mystique, where a pluckin' fiddle adds just the right sparkle. Also congrats for using the much neglected 3/4 time signature!
You are making some fine music of late.
Bravo!
Izzy
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Wow, the male voices sound great, BUT the real star of the show is your vocal, Beth. Breathtakingly good. I like your oxymoronic hint at eternity's rests. The band is perfect as is your mix. Strong and inspirational lyrics. Love this production, Beth.
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Thanks a bunch, Marty. I've been listening to some artists who have cult-like followings and sometimes, their music is just so weird to my ears. So I figured, hey, don't let weird hold me back. Embrace the weird!
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Beth,
Very nicely done.
Good use of BIAB. Good arrangement.
Your best vocals.
And a good mix.
Checkin' all the boxes on this one...
Enjoyed.
fj
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Hello Beth,
Wonderful song!
It's a waltz with a bit of a folk song feel.
Your vocals remind me of Jane Birkin, Joan Baez, and Joni Mitchell.
The lyrics are introspective and match the song well.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.
Best regards.
Shigeki Adachi
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