May I re-introduce: Goldmania Bella
(The best One-Man Girlband in the world)
New Album: Dark
[Linked Image from goldmania-bella.com]

Best One-Man Girlband in the world?
Definitely!
Because it's the only one.
The guy behind Milli Vanilli was a close contender, but the German Research Center for Gender
Confusion classified one of the Milli Vanillis as "not 100% female".
BTW, did you know that in the metric system, one Milli Vanilli is one thousandth of a Vanilli?
Fascinating...

Why?
Well, I don't just want to be the best One-Man Girlband in the world, I also want to be the most
successful One-Man Girlband in the world.
I have a herd of children to feed!

What's new?
According to the German Institute for Diminishing Attention Spans, young people these days are
barely able to follow a three-minute audio stream without writing a WhatsApp or watching a video
or three in between, let alone a full album.
So, since no one listens to my artistic output anyway, I thought that I can do whatever I want,
like, write longer songs.
Long as in "my God, will it ever end?"
I think this will look quite cool in my discography and annoy the labels, even though as an
independent artist I neither want nor need a label to be unsuccessful.

Dark?
Most of the songs are on the darker side of the emotional spectrum.
Or, as Chay put it, "music to jump off a cliff to".

Before you ask, no, I'm not a dark person (apart from my British sense of humour), I'm actually
quite funny and had a very happy childhood.
Okay, my favorite color is black, my humor is black, my hair is black (or has been most of my
life), the remnants of the gardening my wife forced me to do under my fingernails are black,
my car's black, I dress in black, my dog is black - coincidence?

The Songs?
You already know most of the songs, and I've added 2 of my old, dark songs as bonus tracks.
According to the German Research Center for Applied Paranormal Statistics, the bonus tracks
will double the number of albums sold.
Plus some covers of my own songs made without BIAB (though I always use BIAB in the conception
phase to test key, chords, melody, and basic arrangement).

What do I expect?
Doubling my Grammy count and closing my monthly listener gap on Spotify to Taylor Swift even further.
Right now I'm at 20 (give or take) listeners, so there's just 88,021,079 more to go.
Taylor, I'm coming!

Where?
  • Spotify: (preferably if you have an account there, because of this Taylor Swift thing)
  • YouTube: (because it's way more fun to jump off a cliff while watching a video!)
  • Amazon: (If you really want to help a starving artist, buy the album there (or even just
    a single song for $0.99). I get about 250 times the payout that Spotify pays!)
  • Goldmania Bella Homepage: (With links to all major, minor, and diminished streaming platforms)


As always, comments and feedback (good and bad) on the album, this campaign, my embarrassing
pleas for attention and anything else you can think of, apart from US politics and Greenland, are very welcome.

Write something!

Goldmania Bella
Listen on Spotify
Watch on YouTube