Disclaimer: As a non-native speaker, I probably don't get all the details between the lines.

For me, the overall mood of the song is somewhat reminiscent of the metal genre, with battle chants and stuff.
Some phrases are cool, but many (e.g. "Thin prints on stone, fresh paste, a biting sting. The same tight lines, enough to make them cling") make absolutely no sense to me and read like something ChatGPT could have created.
Someone who desperately takes anything that rhymes.

Even if it's just smile metal lyrics, I wouldn't write short, often incoherent phrases.
I'd try to tell a (short) story in sentences that are related to each other.
Less is more.