Hi Ray,

It's a nice song and also nice lyrics and a surprising end!
Everyone here is excited about your song, but I'm not. I just like it, but I believe you can make it a lot better!

The reason is twofold:
I’m not really crazy about this voice, or rather, I should say, the way he sings the lyrics; a bit pedantic.
Additionally, I don't think the music sounds very clear, a bit like it’s coming from under a blanket.

This actually sounds quite negative, and that’s not me, or at least I don't want to come across that way. I just wanted to let you know that those two elements could be better. And you already said that the song "screamed" for criticism. That is why I am writing this down.

It could be sung much more clearly and also funnier. Then you would have a really nice song. But I also know what criticism can do sometimes. Just see if you can do something with it. Otherwise, just say I'm whining. That’s allowed too!

I will see,
Hans

Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130