Hi Rob!
I hadn’t heard the original, but I like this one! This is a fine example of a song with what I call ‘two speed’ instrumentation - there’s the rhythm section busyness, and then the electric piano with long-ish held chords - providing space for each to work in. I like that busyness of the rhythm section.

Your chorus line with it’s staccato pronunciation - I’m intrigued as the how that came about in the songwriting process. Was the staccato style added in the arrangement or was it there from the beginning? Was that line and its accompanying melody your first idea that you built the song around, or was did it fall out as part of the songwriting? Knowing your interest in prosody, was the lyrics first, music first, or both at the same time?

Andrew