Hi Andrew.
I like the instrumental section, but for me, there are too many words struggling, regimentally to fit in.
Also there is, to my mind, too much tell and not enough show. Leave some imagination for the listener to interpret.
Just an example here to keep or sweep:
"This is where my wife and kids lived after they moved out," lines,
could be:
"That's the place they're living.(breath) Nicely kept no doubt.
I remember all the anger. How easy it came out". Could be delivered in a less regimented way.
I'm not suggesting you use those exact words. I'm just trying to demonstrate that my lines introduce a little space and mystery for the listener to wonder what's coming next.
Then the next lines make a little path to the next revelation.
Does that make sense?

Vic






.