Since you asked...

First, I really like the mix. It's clean, and the instrumentals are audible, but not overpowering. There's nothing that really strikes my (completely unprofessional) ear as problematic. You've got a quiet voice, and the instruments are balanced nicely against it. I really like the harmony, too. I've listened to the song multiple times, through headphones and speakers, and it holds up well.

On to nit-picking!

I get a mixed message from the first verse. "They" who can "make" me believe their "stories" sound pretty sinister! They're never identified in the rest of the song, and "they" don't really seem essential.

My preference is for lyrics that can mimic speech patterns (with exceptions, of course). An "unnatural" break in a lyric it calls attention to itself. For example:
    "And make you ... believe"
    "You will see... that I am"
    "And I am everything...in between"
    "Ready thy house because...the time is coming soon" (This one really isn't that bad)
The make the lyric feel like it was forced into the song, instead of flowing naturally. Feel free to disagree.

I like what you do with the cadence, but I wish it were a bit... bigger? For example, stopping the instruments, pausing briefly, and then bringing in that lovely harmony a capella?

For some reason, the song sounds like it starts slowing down towards the second half. It could just be my imagination.

For fun, I cut and pasted my own HeavyHandedEdit. It's an inelegant hack job, to say the least - I tried closing up a few gaps in the lyrics, "fixed" a lyric that didn't rhyme, and (worst of all) changed the ending. So my apologies in advance for destroying the song - it was a lot of fun!

-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?