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This is one we actually got to Taylor Swift's people. We had three days to write, record and mix this and get it to her "people". She didn't use it. Can you imagine...she didn't accept a song she didn't write!!!

We know there are lots of issues with this recording. But, with the short time frame had, this was all we could get done. Before we redo this one, we wanted to get some input from the talented people here. We're open to any respectful constructive criticism, comments and suggestions. Please don't be shy to give us your thoughts.

Here's what we already know needs fixing/redoing:

1. We're not happy with the vocal, particularly the 2nd verse. 1st verse is OK, we think; 3rd is decent but not as good as the 1st verse.

2. Needs to be slowed down about 5-6 bpm. Di has to rush the lyric in a few places.

3. Needs a better banjo intro. Also, we're thinking of cutting that intro from 8 bars to 4 bars. Any thoughts?

We're happy with the way it builds in layers in the first verse. We pretty much like the lyric but open to suggestions.

Thanks in advance for any comments or suggestions....

Key of F - Mix 2.MGU
Key=F , Tempo 123, Length (m:s)=3:44
8 bar intro, 104 bar chorus, from bar 9 to bar 112. Repeat x1 chorus
Melody has 1746 notes, Melody harmony is < no harmony >(0)
Soloist track has 868 notes, Soloist harmony is < no harmony >(0)
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for Volume Changes,

Style MIDI Instruments are : Finger Electric Bass (34), Bright Piano (2), Strings (49),
RealTracks in song: 1035:Banjo, Rhythm NorthernRockBallad Ev 065
RealTracks in song: 847:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm CountryRockRiff Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 1530:Guitar, Electric, Soloist PopPower Ev 120
MIDI Drums :26 Rap TR808 Drums (26)

RealDrums will be substituted :NashvilleEven8^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride
*******************


http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12524882



Dream About You
(c) 2013 Alan D. David, BMI / Diana Bowers, BMI

(1)
My heart's been broken a hundred times I know
All bruised up from hurting and tired of feeling low
Seems it's always staying when it's time for letting go
It had almost healed itself from the last love gone so wrong
Then you smiled at me that way and the feelng came on strng
Now you got me all mixed up, why did you have to come along

CHORUS
I dream about you every night
I know that I can't win this fight
Worried if my heart will make it through
I dream about you every day
Should I run or should I stay
I'm so mixed up I still don't have a clue
But if I go sleep I know just what I'll do
I'll dream about you
But I don't want to

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

BRIDGE

I don't want to fall in love again
Cuz I know how it will always end
My heart can't take another break
It might already be too late

REPEAT CHORUS

(v2)
I tell my heart forget you, move on and let you be
Cuz you're no one special, just another misery
Can't let your smile provoke me, it's just another fantasy
Now I have to tell myself, believe what I just said
Drive those silly notions right out of my poor head
But I'd be lying to myself, so what I'll do instead....is

REPEAT CHORUS

TAG


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Hi Alan and Di

I like it as it is. The banjo does take some getting used to though within the mix. I do agree that the intro probably needs a better banjo or maybe another instrument. It sounds like the tempo of banjo realtrack is at odds with the song in the intro.

Nice job on the quick write.


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Hi Di and Al,

First of all, any song that has a well-played banjo in it always gets me sitting up and listening. I loved this arrangement. The banjo and distortion guitars were a great combination.

The aabccbddd rhyme scheme (and 4 4 5 4 4 5 3 3 2 meter for that matter) in the chorus stood out for me. That last (third) 'd' rhyme at the end of the chorus is a great destabilising device. To my ears, that definitely added emotional punch to that last line. Clever writing smile

I have to say that Di's singing is great and is a perfect fit for this song. In addition, the arrangement frames her vocals beautifully.

All the best,
Noel





MY SONGS...
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Hi Al and Di

I think you already identified items you can undertake to improve.

Here are my suggestions - use them at your own risk!

1:
I thought the solo banjo at the start was quite lost, and went way too long. Either:
a: Put a simple fill behind it,
or
b: shorten it to only two bars
or
c: if you want banjo, choose a different instrument at the start and then bring the banjo in once the song is underway.

2:
Vocals sit too far back in the mix, mainly in the chorus, (or it could be that the build in the chorus simply drowns the vocal presence).

3:
And yes, ease the tempo a bit, perhaps even more than 5-6 bpm. It's not doing justice to Di's very good voice.

Hope this feedback is taken constructively

Cheers

Trev



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Al & Di,

I like this song. The lyrics and melody could work well in a number of different arrangements - which is always a good thing. IMHO, the changes you've said you want to do are good ideas - shorten intro, slow the tempo... Di is always a pleasure to hear.

Looking forward to hearing it again once you decide.

Josie

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Al and Di,
I agree with your initial suggestions.
The Chorus is very nice, well sung and catchy.
I do not know what to do about the intro, maybe another instrument instead of the banjo and also shorter.
I like the tempo as it is BUT so saying it would be interesting to hear it slower, but not as a ballad if that makes sense.

Alyn

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Hi guys, I would try a 4 bar intro, your banjo with the drums. I like the crisp power you have here in the drums and the banjo has a good energy.

The lyrics do feel a bit rushed.

And I love the power pop solo guitar you've added. I don't know if it's the system I'm listening to but the banjo seams to disappear and I think it would sound great behind that solo!

much enjoyed!

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I like the lyrics, the melody and the vocal is wonderful. You've already flagged the banjo and the tempo but what stood out to me was that the banjo sounds like it's out of the recommended tempo range. Got sort of an "effect" feel on it.

Ah....I just paused and looked back at your post and it's a 65bpm RT - I haven't looked it up but I bet your tempo has stretched it. Pardon this ramble if I'm wrong! Hey, doing what you've already suggested, i.e., changing up the banjo and slightly backing off the tempo is gonna yield you a GREAT tune.

Did I already say how much we love the vocal? It flows so well and sounds so effortless.

Last edited by Janice & Bud; 02/02/14 04:24 PM.
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I think the banjo RT is stretched too far out of it's ideal tempo range, as stated above. It sounds unnatural. The banjo may not be the ideal instrument for this one.

Di's vox is simply delectable, as always, but the instrumentation leaves her dangling in spots. Support her and you'll be ready for OHTY (Oklahoma Hath Talent, Y'all)

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Hi, Al & Di !


I like the tune
and it´s chord progressions !:))
There are some really interesting
movements ! Very nice !:))

Cheers
Dani

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Hi Al,

this song is interesting. As Bud said the banjo is like an effect, but I like that.
As you already mentioned Di can do better.
An enjoyable listen though.

Guenter

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Hi Everyone...

Will be over to reply to all of you this evening. I will be very busy all day today. I didn't want anyone to think we were ignoring you! We always appreciate the comments you leave for us.

See ya tonight...

Al & Di


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Di and Alan...

There's a lot of cool stuff going on in this. I think the tempo is right where it should be. It's a very "today" feel. It might require adopting a little different style of singing than you're accustom to - more quick talking words instead of real singing - but, hey!, if the kids can do it - we can too!!!

I get what you're doing with the banjo (you gotta give Taylor credit for bringing it back to Country music). The intro doesn't work because of the weird sound (so find something else). But I think you can make it work elsewhere. Keep it just at a level so you sort of know it there, but you have to key on it to really hear it. And if it were me, I'd have it playing in the chorus and maybe not the verses - or bring it pretty low in the verses so the "effect" is not evident. It has the right feel...

Here is a suggestion to continue the "now sound/feel" that you've got going in this... Your song is titled "Dream About You"... the "if I go to sleep.." change up in the melody is REALLY cool - and then you hit your mark (Dream About You).... instead of having the additional line "But I don't want to" sung "full strength" by your singer (Di, of course) have background singers repeating "I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to...." fading into that cool solo....

Ideas... Like I said before... there's a lot of cool here...

floyd

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Al and Di, I think you already know the fixes. I thought it was too fast, the banjo should not be the intro, the melody works,the lead break works,Floyd's comment about the banjo on choruses is a good idea. There are several banjo real tracks closer to the tempo that have a surprisingly same type of feel. Great idea to use the forum to ask for ideas on this one. You're close and I would like to hear it again after the surgery. Tom

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HI Josie...

Glad you liked it...thanks! We are going to do some surgery on it. Once we've redone it, we'll repost it and see what the jury has to say. Thanks again. Always nice to hear from you!

Al & Di


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Good Evening, Noel (early morning on Oz)...

We like the banjo, too. But, we're going to trey to find a better track for it and cut the intro to 4 bars. That lyric pattern just came to us without a second thought. It fell right into place and we went with it. And thank you so much for the kind words on Di's singing. She and I both appreciate that so much! Best to ya, mate...

Al & Di


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Trevor.

Thanks for the listen and the spot-on suggestions. We like the banjo but agree that it's not the right track for this melody and tempo. if we can't find a banjo track we like, we'll look for a different instrument that sounds good solo. We'll try backing off the temp at 6 bpm and take a listen as well as see how it feels for Di's voice. We'll repost when we get it straightened out. Thanks again for your keen insight. A pleasure to hear from you.

Alan


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Hi there Josie!

Thanks for dropping in to listen and for your comments. And yes, we're going to rework this one, probably a month or so down the road...we have lots of commitments to honor for the next 4 or 5 weeks. Glad you liked the potential in the song. We're very happy with the basics of the song but it needs lots of refining. Thanks again for the visit and kind words. Suggestions, too!

Al & Di


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Alyn,

Hey, good to hear from you! And yes, we'll redo it using our own thoughts, as suggested above, and some of the great suggestions by the folks here on the boards. Not to worry...this will *NOT* become a ballad! And yes, we know exactly what you mean! Thanks for the input!

Alan


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Gruverider...

Thanks for the visit. Tis always a please when you drop in with your comments and wisdom. We're going to do some major surgery on the banjo track...possibly replace it, and slow the tempo a bit. Your ears did not deceive you...I dropped the banjo track in the chorus. We'll see how that plays out in the redo. Thanks again!

Al & Di


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