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#483610 07/27/18 07:18 AM
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I'm almost there with this one but please feel free to criticise it in a constructive way so I can learn. I'm never "done" with my songs!

I woke up with the first line of verse 1 this month. Been working on it ever since.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.


CLICK HERE


Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/27/18 07:51 AM.
Paul Haynes #483611 07/27/18 07:21 AM
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Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!

Tano Music #483614 07/27/18 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted By: Tano Music
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!


Ah. its was set to private. Fixed now. Thanks.

Paul Haynes #483628 07/27/18 08:34 AM
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Very interesting song!! It is a VERY unusual and extended metaphor. Clever and catchy. Melody and vocals are very good as is the mix. Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg

Greg Johnson #483646 07/27/18 10:22 AM
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Yes this is a very clever and catchy! Also it is very well mixed. Your vocal is very good.

AFAIAC this is finished.

Excellent work.


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Cop, that's not how field sobriety tests work.

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Paul Haynes #483673 07/27/18 01:05 PM
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Really like the back track on this song. Excellent vocal. Well done


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Paul Haynes #483679 07/27/18 01:27 PM
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I agree... Excellent. Very nice song.


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Paul Haynes #483680 07/27/18 01:28 PM
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Pleasant, jaunty song. Well sung, nice voice, good mix. From a technical point of view, my only advice would be to keep doing what you're doing.

From a songsmith perspective, I'm not really a fan of songs that come right out and tell people to do something. But this didn't irritate me as much usual, so you're doing something right there, too. wink



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Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
Paul Haynes #483717 07/28/18 03:15 AM
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Thanks guys. Much appreciated.

I wrote this song aimed at myself.

On a technical note, I think this is one of the better songs I've written/recorded/mixed but I know its not perfect. I tried to add some percussion using EZdrummer2 but couldn't find the right timing so I left it out.

Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/28/18 05:08 AM.
Paul Haynes #483722 07/28/18 04:06 AM
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Nice song, to me it sounds like the start of a tv show.

Good clean recording/mix.

Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.


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beatmaster #484084 07/31/18 03:36 AM
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Originally Posted By: beatmaster
...Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.


Hi Beatmaster

Sorry for delay. My mix was made up of...

Roadrun.sty (Road Run Funky Acoustic Blues) Realtracks
My Takamine guitar
My vocals
Mixed in Studio One

Last edited by Paul Haynes; 07/31/18 04:07 AM.
Paul Haynes #484339 08/02/18 04:55 AM
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Really nice work Paul smile A really interesting metaphor, as others have mentioned. The mix job sounds really professional, and I enjoyed your vocal delivery a lot too.

Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing!


Cheers,
Deryk
Paul Haynes #484340 08/02/18 05:06 AM
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Good song! Nice mix too, just the right amount of processing on your (very fine!) vocal.

Paul Haynes #484343 08/02/18 05:13 AM
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LOL very creative. Great advice in a bit of an unconventional form. Your vocals sound great. Nice choice of tracks. Well done.


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Paul Haynes #484415 08/02/18 03:05 PM
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Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.


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Paul Haynes #484431 08/02/18 07:49 PM
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Very nice, Paul! The acoustic backing tracks are perfect for this. Your voice is really smooth clear. Nice mix. I really enjoyed this. Best to you.

Alan


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Jim Fogle #484603 08/04/18 05:47 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jim Fogle
Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.


Thanks Jim. I didn't know you could do that. I've now enabled downloads and you are free to use it. Thanks for your encouragement.

Paul Haynes #484604 08/04/18 05:49 AM
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Apologies that I've not thanked everyone personally. You've all been encouraging as usual and I appreciate that but please don't be afraid to criticize my work if you feel you would like to, I can learn better that way of things I've not thought about or stuff I need to be aware of to make it better. I'm never settled with my work, always wanting that "studio" rather than a home made sound.

Last edited by Paul Haynes; 08/04/18 05:49 AM.
Paul Haynes #484606 08/04/18 06:39 AM
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Originally Posted By: Paul Haynes
I wrote this song aimed at myself.

I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer.

So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship.

I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
Paul Haynes #484608 08/04/18 07:04 AM
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CHORUS
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil
Soak her in your love - every day
As it penetrates - to the hardest place
Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil


Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

Oh heck, why not.

smile

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