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#483610 - 07/27/18 10:18 AM [User Showcase] Rusty Bolt
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
I'm almost there with this one but please feel free to criticise it in a constructive way so I can learn. I'm never "done" with my songs!

I woke up with the first line of verse 1 this month. Been working on it ever since.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.


CLICK HERE



Edited by Paul Haynes (07/27/18 10:51 AM)

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#483611 - 07/27/18 10:21 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Tano Music Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!

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#483614 - 07/27/18 10:35 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Tano Music]
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Originally Posted By: Tano Music
Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!


Ah. its was set to private. Fixed now. Thanks.

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#483628 - 07/27/18 11:34 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6707
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6707
Loc: Davis, CA
Very interesting song!! It is a VERY unusual and extended metaphor. Clever and catchy. Melody and vocals are very good as is the mix. Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg

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#483646 - 07/27/18 01:22 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Greg Johnson]
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 18078
Loc: Hamlin NY
MarioD Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 18078
Loc: Hamlin NY
Yes this is a very clever and catchy! Also it is very well mixed. Your vocal is very good.

AFAIAC this is finished.

Excellent work.
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#483673 - 07/27/18 04:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6910
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6910
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Really like the back track on this song. Excellent vocal. Well done

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#483679 - 07/27/18 04:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 07/01/18
Posts: 112
Loc: Traveling. Now in New Zealand.
EMG Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 07/01/18
Posts: 112
Loc: Traveling. Now in New Zealand.
I agree... Excellent. Very nice song.
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#483680 - 07/27/18 04:28 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5338
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5338
Loc: Sacramento, California
Pleasant, jaunty song. Well sung, nice voice, good mix. From a technical point of view, my only advice would be to keep doing what you're doing.

From a songsmith perspective, I'm not really a fan of songs that come right out and tell people to do something. But this didn't irritate me as much usual, so you're doing something right there, too. wink

_________________________
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My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#483717 - 07/28/18 06:15 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Thanks guys. Much appreciated.

I wrote this song aimed at myself.

On a technical note, I think this is one of the better songs I've written/recorded/mixed but I know its not perfect. I tried to add some percussion using EZdrummer2 but couldn't find the right timing so I left it out.


Edited by Paul Haynes (07/28/18 08:08 AM)

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#483722 - 07/28/18 07:06 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1680
beatmaster Offline
Expert

Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1680
Nice song, to me it sounds like the start of a tv show.

Good clean recording/mix.

Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.
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#484084 - 07/31/18 06:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: beatmaster]
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Originally Posted By: beatmaster
...Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.


Hi Beatmaster

Sorry for delay. My mix was made up of...

Roadrun.sty (Road Run Funky Acoustic Blues) Realtracks
My Takamine guitar
My vocals
Mixed in Studio One


Edited by Paul Haynes (07/31/18 07:07 AM)

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#484339 - 08/02/18 07:55 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Really nice work Paul smile A really interesting metaphor, as others have mentioned. The mix job sounds really professional, and I enjoyed your vocal delivery a lot too.

Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing!
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#484340 - 08/02/18 08:06 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4503
Loc: Ontario, Canada
BlueAttitude Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4503
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Good song! Nice mix too, just the right amount of processing on your (very fine!) vocal.

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#484343 - 08/02/18 08:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 08/09/17
Posts: 547
Loc: Florida
Samuel Davis Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 08/09/17
Posts: 547
Loc: Florida
LOL very creative. Great advice in a bit of an unconventional form. Your vocals sound great. Nice choice of tracks. Well done.
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#484415 - 08/02/18 06:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 9058
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Jim Fogle Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 9058
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.
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#484431 - 08/02/18 10:49 PM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 6302
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 6302
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
Very nice, Paul! The acoustic backing tracks are perfect for this. Your voice is really smooth clear. Nice mix. I really enjoyed this. Best to you.

Alan
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#484603 - 08/04/18 08:47 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Jim Fogle]
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Originally Posted By: Jim Fogle
Paul,

I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.

I like the lyrics.

My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.


Thanks Jim. I didn't know you could do that. I've now enabled downloads and you are free to use it. Thanks for your encouragement.

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#484604 - 08/04/18 08:49 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Paul Haynes Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Apologies that I've not thanked everyone personally. You've all been encouraging as usual and I appreciate that but please don't be afraid to criticize my work if you feel you would like to, I can learn better that way of things I've not thought about or stuff I need to be aware of to make it better. I'm never settled with my work, always wanting that "studio" rather than a home made sound.


Edited by Paul Haynes (08/04/18 08:49 AM)

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#484606 - 08/04/18 09:39 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5338
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5338
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: Paul Haynes
I wrote this song aimed at myself.

I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer.

So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship.

I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#484608 - 08/04/18 10:04 AM [User Showcase] Re: Rusty Bolt [Re: Paul Haynes]
Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 6542
Loc: North Carolina
David Snyder Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 6542
Loc: North Carolina
CHORUS
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil
Soak her in your love - every day
As it penetrates - to the hardest place
Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil


Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

Oh heck, why not.

smile

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