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#483610 - 07/27/18 10:18 AM
[User Showcase]
Rusty Bolt
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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I'm almost there with this one but please feel free to criticise it in a constructive way so I can learn. I'm never "done" with my songs! I woke up with the first line of verse 1 this month. Been working on it ever since. Let me know what you think. Thanks. CLICK HERE
Edited by Paul Haynes (07/27/18 10:51 AM)
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#483611 - 07/27/18 10:21 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Expert
Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
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Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything!
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#483614 - 07/27/18 10:35 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Tano Music]
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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Hey Paul, you need to fix the link...didn't connect to anything! Ah. its was set to private. Fixed now. Thanks.
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#483628 - 07/27/18 11:34 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
Veteran
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
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Very interesting song!! It is a VERY unusual and extended metaphor. Clever and catchy. Melody and vocals are very good as is the mix. Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg
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#483646 - 07/27/18 01:22 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Greg Johnson]
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 17383
Loc: Hamlin NY
Veteran
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 17383
Loc: Hamlin NY
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Yes this is a very clever and catchy! Also it is very well mixed. Your vocal is very good.
AFAIAC this is finished.
Excellent work.
_________________________
You know you're in trouble when you leave a memory improvement class and can't remember where you parked your car!
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB and RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software and some hardware
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#483673 - 07/27/18 04:05 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6641
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6641
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
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Really like the back track on this song. Excellent vocal. Well done
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#483679 - 07/27/18 04:27 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 07/01/18
Posts: 112
Loc: Traveling. Now in New Zealand.
Apprentice
Registered: 07/01/18
Posts: 112
Loc: Traveling. Now in New Zealand.
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I agree... Excellent. Very nice song.
_________________________
------------------------------------------ My music: https://soundcloud.com/ermar-gamarMy stuff: Stratocaster '89, PRS SE Santana, Digitech RP90 Multi Effect, Vocalist Live 3, Digital Piano Korg SP, Studio One 3.5, Presonus Audiobox, BB 2018
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#483680 - 07/27/18 04:28 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5119
Loc: Sacramento, California
Veteran
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5119
Loc: Sacramento, California
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Pleasant, jaunty song. Well sung, nice voice, good mix. From a technical point of view, my only advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. From a songsmith perspective, I'm not really a fan of songs that come right out and tell people to do something. But this didn't irritate me as much usual, so you're doing something right there, too. 
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#483717 - 07/28/18 06:15 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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Thanks guys. Much appreciated.
I wrote this song aimed at myself.
On a technical note, I think this is one of the better songs I've written/recorded/mixed but I know its not perfect. I tried to add some percussion using EZdrummer2 but couldn't find the right timing so I left it out.
Edited by Paul Haynes (07/28/18 08:08 AM)
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#483722 - 07/28/18 07:06 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1674
Expert
Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 1674
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Nice song, to me it sounds like the start of a tv show.
Good clean recording/mix.
Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc.
_________________________
win 10 64 bit 16gb,i7 chip, ssd 500gb, m-audio air, ,Roland BK-7M, 1000,shure sm7b,sonar,acid,mixcraft, variety of plugins.Sample tank 3,Kontakt. TC Helicon Voicelive 3 2 . https://beatmaster1.bandcamp.com/releases
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#484084 - 07/31/18 06:36 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: beatmaster]
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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...Would have liked to have seen the instruments used etc. Hi Beatmaster Sorry for delay. My mix was made up of... Roadrun.sty (Road Run Funky Acoustic Blues) Realtracks My Takamine guitar My vocals Mixed in Studio One
Edited by Paul Haynes (07/31/18 07:07 AM)
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#484339 - 08/02/18 07:55 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
PG Music Staff
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
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Really nice work Paul  A really interesting metaphor, as others have mentioned. The mix job sounds really professional, and I enjoyed your vocal delivery a lot too. Keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing!
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk
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#484340 - 08/02/18 08:06 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4344
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 4344
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Good song! Nice mix too, just the right amount of processing on your (very fine!) vocal.
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#484343 - 08/02/18 08:13 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 08/09/17
Posts: 547
Loc: Florida
Journeyman
Registered: 08/09/17
Posts: 547
Loc: Florida
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LOL very creative. Great advice in a bit of an unconventional form. Your vocals sound great. Nice choice of tracks. Well done.
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#484415 - 08/02/18 06:05 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 8677
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Veteran
Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 8677
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
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Paul,
I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.
I like the lyrics.
My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned.
_________________________
Jim Fogle - 2022 BiaB (923) RB (Build 4) Ultra+ PAK Cakewalk - Zoom MRS-8 recorder Desktop: i7 Win 10 build 2004, 12GB ram 256GB SSD, 4 TB HDD Laptop: i3 64bit Win 10 build 21H2, 8GB ram 500GB HDD Music at: https://fogle622.wix.com/fogle622-audio-home
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#484431 - 08/02/18 10:49 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 5897
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
Veteran
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 5897
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
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Very nice, Paul! The acoustic backing tracks are perfect for this. Your voice is really smooth clear. Nice mix. I really enjoyed this. Best to you.
Alan
_________________________
BIAB 2022 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win10*8GB DDR4*I5-6th Gen*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120 Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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#484603 - 08/04/18 08:47 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Jim Fogle]
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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Paul,
I like the sound you developed. The song has good balance and dynamics as far as I'm concerned. You vocal blends in with the rest of the song.
I like the lyrics.
My ONLY complaint is you do not have download enabled. This one's a keeper as far as I'm concerned. Thanks Jim. I didn't know you could do that. I've now enabled downloads and you are free to use it. Thanks for your encouragement.
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#484604 - 08/04/18 08:49 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
Journeyman
Registered: 12/30/12
Posts: 369
Loc: United Kingdom
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Apologies that I've not thanked everyone personally. You've all been encouraging as usual and I appreciate that but please don't be afraid to criticize my work if you feel you would like to, I can learn better that way of things I've not thought about or stuff I need to be aware of to make it better. I'm never settled with my work, always wanting that "studio" rather than a home made sound.
Edited by Paul Haynes (08/04/18 08:49 AM)
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#484606 - 08/04/18 09:39 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5119
Loc: Sacramento, California
Veteran
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5119
Loc: Sacramento, California
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I wrote this song aimed at myself. I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer. So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship. I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.
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#484608 - 08/04/18 10:04 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Rusty Bolt
[Re: Paul Haynes]
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Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 6306
Loc: North Carolina
Veteran
Registered: 08/29/14
Posts: 6306
Loc: North Carolina
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CHORUS Love your Wife - like penetrating oil Soak her in your love - every day As it penetrates - to the hardest place Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace Love your Wife - like penetrating oil Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day. Oh heck, why not.
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