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#487431 - 08/23/18 07:09 AM [User Showcase] The Dream
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
This is a song I originally wrote in 2013 after I, along with members of my family, ran into some serious health battles. I have two recordings from 2013 and figured I would try to re-imagine this tune using BIAB. I decided on a very simple arrangement. I am not at my "BIAB computer," so I will have to post the backing tracks later.

The Dream
(c)2018 David S. Becker Music

https://soundcloud.com/gocartmoz/the-dream-redux-2018

Intro
Verse 1

I'm walking
Down a narrow road
I'm carrying
Such a heavy load
I'm losing my breath
Trying not to fall behind
I'm struggling
To stay within the lines

Verse 2
A weight it lifts
No more need to fight
A blast of air
And a radiant light
I'm for once at ease
As the air it fills my lungs
The pain is gone
My body and mind go numb

Pre-Chorus
But I can't escape
This nightmare
Why must I have to wake
This existence I'd forsake
I've survived too long
In this hospice
In my dream I'm set free
It's where I want to be

Chorus
I want to go home
Home
There's nothing here for me
But pain & misery
Home
I need to go home
Won't someone set me free
Take these shackles off of me

Bridge
Well I have a pulse
My heart's beating
I can take a breath
I'm breathing
But the pain is never easing
And to suffer there's no meaning

Verse 3

I am sleeping
With a peaceful ease
No bitter cold
Just a soothing breeze
There's a voice that's faint
Screaming "stay with me"
A shock to the heart
Why can't they let me be

Repeat Pre-chorus
Repeat Chorus
Outro




Edited by GocartMoz (08/25/18 05:10 AM)

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#487437 - 08/23/18 07:38 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3929
Loc: Ontario, Canada
BlueAttitude Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3929
Loc: Ontario, Canada
A very powerful and moving song!

Simple arrangement is perfect IMHO, anything else would get in the way.

Nicely done!

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#487446 - 08/23/18 08:31 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 10735
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 10735
Loc: GA USA
That'll rip the paint off your heart.

Very moving and the perfect backup to support the moving vocal and lyric.

We are with Dave that anymore, arrangement wise, would not add anything.

Great work!

J&B
_________________________
J&B Soundcloud
J&B YouTube
J&B Website

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#487459 - 08/23/18 09:26 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Really well done smile Very moving, and imply put - it is beautiful. You can feel the sincerity in your voice and lyrics. It is perfectly catchy as well, and very well produced.

Great work and thanks for sharing!
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk

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#487497 - 08/23/18 02:49 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: BlueAttitude]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: BlueAttitude
A very powerful and moving song!

Simple arrangement is perfect IMHO, anything else would get in the way.

Nicely done!


Thank you for the listen and comments. It is greatly appreciated.

Dave

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#487514 - 08/23/18 04:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
Joe -PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
Hi GocartMoz, Thanks for sharing this with us! I found this very easy to listen to and has a pleasant chord structure. Great work on the guitars. Nice work on the vocals too, especially at the bridge. Well done!
_________________________
Cheers,
Joe

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#487517 - 08/23/18 04:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 3573
Loc: Missouri
Torrey Bliss Offline
Veteran

Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 3573
Loc: Missouri
What a nice song! Full of emotional heartfelt lyrics and performance! Great vocal! Thanks, Torrey
_________________________
Torrey Bliss
www.soundcloud.com/torrey-bliss



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#487557 - 08/24/18 02:46 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: Janice & Bud]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud
That'll rip the paint off your heart.

Very moving and the perfect backup to support the moving vocal and lyric.

We are with Dave that anymore, arrangement wise, would not add anything.

Great work!

J&B


Hey J & B ,

Always appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thanks much for giving this a listen and commenting.

Dave

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#487563 - 08/24/18 03:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 5532
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 5532
Loc: Originally Missouri ... Now Al...
What a terrific, although, poignant song. The simplicity of the background tracks is the perfect complement to the straightforward lyric. Everything about this powerful and compellinmg. Best to you and yours.

Alan
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#487573 - 08/24/18 07:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9495
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9495
Loc: Florida
Dave,

A very powerful write and a very powerful performance and presentation.

The piano/organ combination works really well for this. Nice production and mix. The "touch of fiddle", works well, too...

Seems like you have quickly "gotten comfortable" with the BAND!

Well done.

fj

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#487578 - 08/24/18 07:43 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 2360
Loc: Middletown, PA.
44kfl Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 2360
Loc: Middletown, PA.
A strong and emotional write, great performance

Florida is well represented on these forums by

really good songwriters!

I love the sparse backing, it's my "go to" very often

good storytelling, it put me in the "Lord save me from this fate"

frame of mind.

Kenny

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#487703 - 08/25/18 05:04 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: Deryk - PG Music]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Deryk - PG Music
Really well done smile Very moving, and imply put - it is beautiful. You can feel the sincerity in your voice and lyrics. It is perfectly catchy as well, and very well produced.

Great work and thanks for sharing!


Thank you Derek, I appreciate the comments.

Dave

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#487704 - 08/25/18 05:06 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: Joe -PG Music]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Joe -PG Music
Hi GocartMoz, Thanks for sharing this with us! I found this very easy to listen to and has a pleasant chord structure. Great work on the guitars. Nice work on the vocals too, especially at the bridge. Well done!


Thx for the listen. Interestingly though there is no guitar in this recording. I originally included some acoustic tracks with me playing, but decided to nix them as I wanted to keep it sparse. Appreciate the listen.

Thanks,

Dave

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#487705 - 08/25/18 05:08 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: Torrey Bliss]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
What a nice song! Full of emotional heartfelt lyrics and performance! Great vocal! Thanks, Torrey


Thank you Torrey. I appreciate your thoughts.

Dave

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#487709 - 08/25/18 07:20 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2426
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
Skyline Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2426
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
A remarkable song Dave, incredibly moving, sincere and so well put together.
Well done my friend.

John
_________________________
Songs web site
YouTube Channel
BIAB 2019
Cakewalk by BandLab
Studio One 4

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#487735 - 08/25/18 09:29 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: Al-David]
Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
GocartMoz Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 06/13/18
Posts: 160
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Al-David
What a terrific, although, poignant song. The simplicity of the background tracks is the perfect complement to the straightforward lyric. Everything about this powerful and compellinmg. Best to you and yours.

Alan


Thank you Alan. I appreciate your time listening and commenting.

Dave

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#487754 - 08/25/18 11:18 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4889
Loc: New York
rsdean Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4889
Loc: New York
David,

This is very moving... I love the song and performance. Some very fine production here as well.

Bob

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#487774 - 08/25/18 01:46 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6327
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6327
Loc: Davis, CA
POWERFUL, riveting, passionate!!! Beautifully done. I would not change a thing about this. BTW, is the piano an RT? I'd like to check that one out. My mom is 87 and this pretty much describes her life. It is difficult to watch. Fortunately her pain is relatively mild most of the time but there is so little there for her that I wonder how she pushes on. GREAT work here!! Take care. Greg

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#487795 - 08/25/18 03:59 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
gruverider Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
Your vocal is filled with emotion! Wonderful choice of instruments and arrangement!

very much enjoyed!

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#487807 - 08/25/18 08:40 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dream [Re: GocartMoz]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4351
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4351
Loc: Sydney Australia
Well that was a powerful and sad song. Really nicely produced written and performed.
A strong composition.
Peter

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