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#492764 - 09/25/18 04:56 PM
[User Showcase]
Fragile Monuments
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Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
Expert
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
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https://soundcloud.com/scott-schwarz-740132899/fragile-monumentsI just wrote and recorded this song. It's fresh off the vinyl press. For the lyrics, I didn't include any rhymes for the verses, only the chorus. I think it works. I will have to distance myself from the song before I decide if I like it. I used the PINING BIAB style and added an additional acoustic guitar for a fuller acoustic guitar sound, and put a subtle electric piano in the chorus. I exported the tracks to MixCraft and did the rest there. Real Tracks: RealBass 2937 Bass, Fretless Electric Pop8thsRene Ev RealDrums-BluesRockSlowEv^3-SdStk,Ride RealPiano 2825 Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryPopMike RealGuitar 2916 Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryFolk8ths RealStrings 2883 Pedal Steel, Background CountryEddy RT2051 Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev RT2505 Piano, Electric, HeldChords Lyrics I’m sorry So sorry For falling in love Don’t hate me Or turn and walk away We’ve always been friends Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies Hold me. Hold me. Keep talking I need to hear your voice I am listening I’m pining Away, so make your stand I will break through Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies Hold me. Hold me. I’m sorry So sorry For falling in love I just keep falling in love With you I can’t stop falling in love With you
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#492766 - 09/25/18 04:59 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
PG Music Staff
Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
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Thanks for sharing this with us Ezekiel's Storm! Glad to hear it was pressed to vinyl. Solid choices of RealTracks too they mesh very well together! Great work!
_________________________
Cheers,
Joe
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#492774 - 09/25/18 06:04 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1274
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Expert
Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1274
Loc: Charlotte, NC
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Ezekiel's Storm..excellent work! I liked everything about it..and I think that your choice to not worry about rhyming the verse is fine--I feel that you 'catch up' with the rhyming sense in the chorus. Very impressed with your vocal mixing/doubling. Real nice all the way around!
Thanks for sharing!
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#492820 - 09/26/18 12:47 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2004
Loc: Finland
Veteran
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2004
Loc: Finland
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Very nice to hear that you used the same style (PINING) as I used in my latest song. And this is closer to country than mine. I like the beautiful melancholy melody, those maj7 chords and that picking guitar you added. That fretless bass is one my favorite sounding instruments in BIAB. Great lyrics, I like the use of descriptive adjectives and alliteration in the chorus.
Janne
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#492886 - 09/26/18 06:53 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9268
Loc: GA USA
Veteran
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9268
Loc: GA USA
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Interesting how differently that style can be used.
We enjoyed the listen!
J&B
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#492924 - 09/26/18 08:41 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3229
PG Music Staff
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3229
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What a tune! I thoroughly enjoyed this. It has a really crisp, nostalgic quality to it which I like. I'm almost getting a Simon & Garfunkel vibe here - which is definitely a great thing in my books. Really well done, and thanks for sharing 
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk
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#493003 - 09/26/18 04:29 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5177
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5177
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
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Very nice tune. Excellent vocal, backtrack and lyric
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#493035 - 09/27/18 04:25 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2423
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Veteran
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2423
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
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The rhyming - or lack thereof - isn't a problem as the melody does the resolution work.
The song is a good one and the arrangement work with it quite well.
The only nit I would pick is that the vocal processing has increased the "essing". I'd suggest either backing it off, V chopping the syllable or using a de esser.
Your added instrumentation really does a good job of beefing up the backing.
_________________________
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com
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#493141 - 09/27/18 03:21 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2811
Veteran
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2811
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I found the lack of rhymes gives the song an interesting shade - not quite country and, with the images in the chorus, a little reminiscent of Arthur Lee (Love) ballads.
Nice clear warm vocal and good choice of backing.
Robert
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#493144 - 09/27/18 03:32 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1120
Expert
Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1120
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Best advice I ever got on rhyming: If it doesn't want to rhyme, don't make it. "No rhyme" is far better than a forced one. I didn't miss it, to be honest, and I was "aware".
Nice smooth piece. The keys did bump up the fulness in the chorus, and all your selections worked well together.
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#493175 - 09/27/18 04:55 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16633
Loc: Australia
Veteran
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16633
Loc: Australia
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Scott,
This is a wonderful listen.
I really like the non-rhyming verses. As I hear it, you have used assonance, alliteration and consonance very astutely as the glue that holds these sections together. Then, when the chorus comes along, the chorus rhymes are made all the more noticeable and more important because of the lack of earlier rhyming. I also really like the way you've uses three consecutive rhymes in the chorus and then ended with a non-rhyming fourth line. Interestingly, the long 'I' sound in "skies", "eyes", "lies" is a dipthong that finishes when a softer, long 'E' sound that has a gentle sonic link with the long 'E' sound in "Hold me". As I see it, this is very, very clever lyric writing.
The melody, your singing, your arrangement and production all worked really well through my headphones this morning.
I enjoyed it!
All the best,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS
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#493180 - 09/27/18 05:02 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3735
Loc: Sydney Australia
Veteran
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3735
Loc: Sydney Australia
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Nice work - a pretty tune, strong vocal and a good mix(that fretless that Janne mentioned sounds great).
Enjoyable song.
Peter
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#493370 - 09/28/18 05:34 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: rayc]
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Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
Expert
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
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The rhyming - or lack thereof - isn't a problem as the melody does the resolution work.
The song is a good one and the arrangement work with it quite well.
The only nit I would pick is that the vocal processing has increased the "essing". I'd suggest either backing it off, V chopping the syllable or using a de esser.
Your added instrumentation really does a good job of beefing up the backing. Thanks for the feedback, rayc. I noticed the sibilance. Additionally, thanks for tips on how to correct it.
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#493373 - 09/28/18 05:39 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Noel96]
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Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
Expert
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 977
Loc: Virginia USA
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Scott,
I really like the non-rhyming verses. As I hear it, you have used assonance, alliteration and consonance very astutely as the glue that holds these sections together. Then, when the chorus comes along, the chorus rhymes are made all the more noticeable and more important because of the lack of earlier rhyming. I also really like the way you've uses three consecutive rhymes in the chorus and then ended with a non-rhyming fourth line. Interestingly, the long 'I' sound in "skies", "eyes", "lies" is a dipthong that finishes when a softer, long 'E' sound that has a gentle sonic link with the long 'E' sound in "Hold me". As I see it, this is very, very clever lyric writing.
Thanks, Noel! I see that you took note during your literature/composition classes in school! I appreciate the analysis of the sound devices used in the lyrics.
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#493379 - 09/28/18 06:37 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4589
Veteran
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4589
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Pretty song - I like the way you sang it - really nice voice and harmony.
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#493470 - 09/29/18 11:22 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1728
Expert
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1728
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The song and your mix have a smooth flow. That song style is very versatile and you have written it well.
much enjoyed!
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#493504 - 09/29/18 04:01 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
Veteran
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
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Nice one. Smooth sound to it. Backline (drum and bass) could have been a bit louder and vocals a little bit less loud. But that's just my opinion (coming from a perfectionist who sometimes spends days on editing the volume of his vocals alone  ) Rob
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#494434 - 10/05/18 04:55 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: Fragile Monuments
[Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 5781
Loc: Davis, CA
Veteran
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 5781
Loc: Davis, CA
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Very cool!! Pretty song. Well written and produced. Some interesting lyrics. These are my favorites:
Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies
Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes
Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies
Very poetic, and wonderful melody through this section too!
Great job!! Take care. Greg
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