You need to be logged in to post
Options
Index
#492764 - 09/25/18 04:56 PM [User Showcase] Fragile Monuments
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
Ezekiel's Storm Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
https://soundcloud.com/scott-schwarz-740132899/fragile-monuments

I just wrote and recorded this song. It's fresh off the vinyl press. For the lyrics, I didn't include any rhymes for the verses, only the chorus. I think it works. I will have to distance myself from the song before I decide if I like it.

I used the PINING BIAB style and added an additional acoustic guitar for a fuller acoustic guitar sound, and put a subtle electric piano in the chorus. I exported the tracks to MixCraft and did the rest there.

Real Tracks:
RealBass 2937 Bass, Fretless Electric Pop8thsRene Ev
RealDrums-BluesRockSlowEv^3-SdStk,Ride
RealPiano 2825 Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryPopMike
RealGuitar 2916 Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryFolk8ths
RealStrings 2883 Pedal Steel, Background CountryEddy
RT2051 Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev
RT2505 Piano, Electric, HeldChords

Lyrics

I’m sorry
So sorry
For falling in love

Don’t hate me
Or turn and walk away
We’ve always been friends

Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies
Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes
Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies
Hold me. Hold me.

Keep talking
I need to hear your voice
I am listening

I’m pining
Away, so make your stand
I will break through

Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies
Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes
Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies
Hold me. Hold me.

I’m sorry
So sorry
For falling in love
I just keep falling in love
With you
I can’t stop falling in love
With you

Top
#492766 - 09/25/18 04:59 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
Joe -PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1664
Thanks for sharing this with us Ezekiel's Storm! Glad to hear it was pressed to vinyl. Solid choices of RealTracks too they mesh very well together! Great work!
_________________________
Cheers,
Joe

Top
#492774 - 09/25/18 06:04 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Tano Music Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Ezekiel's Storm..excellent work! I liked everything about it..and I think that your choice to not worry about rhyming the verse is fine--I feel that you 'catch up' with the rhyming sense in the chorus. Very impressed with your vocal mixing/doubling. Real nice all the way around!
Thanks for sharing!

Top
#492820 - 09/26/18 12:47 AM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2732
Loc: Finland
jannesan Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2732
Loc: Finland
Very nice to hear that you used the same style (PINING) as I used in my latest song. And this is closer to country than mine. I like the beautiful melancholy melody, those maj7 chords and that picking guitar you added. That fretless bass is one my favorite sounding instruments in BIAB. Great lyrics, I like the use of descriptive adjectives and alliteration in the chorus.

Janne
_________________________
Hear My Music:

Soundcloud
YouTube


Top
#492886 - 09/26/18 06:53 AM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11804
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11804
Loc: GA USA
Interesting how differently that style can be used.

We enjoyed the listen!

J&B
_________________________
J&B Videos
J&B Soundcloud
J&B Website

Top
#492924 - 09/26/18 08:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
What a tune! I thoroughly enjoyed this. It has a really crisp, nostalgic quality to it which I like. I'm almost getting a Simon & Garfunkel vibe here - which is definitely a great thing in my books.

Really well done, and thanks for sharing smile
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk

Top
#493003 - 09/26/18 04:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6649
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6649
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Very nice tune. Excellent vocal, backtrack and lyric

Top
#493035 - 09/27/18 04:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4441
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
rayc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4441
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
The rhyming - or lack thereof - isn't a problem as the melody does the resolution work.
The song is a good one and the arrangement work with it quite well.
The only nit I would pick is that the vocal processing has increased the "essing". I'd suggest either backing it off, V chopping the syllable or using a de esser.
Your added instrumentation really does a good job of beefing up the backing.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe

Top
#493141 - 09/27/18 03:21 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 3179
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 3179
I found the lack of rhymes gives the song an interesting shade - not quite country and, with the images in the chorus, a little reminiscent of Arthur Lee (Love) ballads.
Nice clear warm vocal and good choice of backing.

Robert

Top
#493144 - 09/27/18 03:32 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1368
Tangmo Offline
Expert

Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1368
Best advice I ever got on rhyming: If it doesn't want to rhyme, don't make it. "No rhyme" is far better than a forced one. I didn't miss it, to be honest, and I was "aware".

Nice smooth piece. The keys did bump up the fulness in the chorus, and all your selections worked well together.
_________________________
BIAB 2021 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground

Top
#493175 - 09/27/18 04:55 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17771
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17771
Loc: Australia
Scott,

This is a wonderful listen.

I really like the non-rhyming verses. As I hear it, you have used assonance, alliteration and consonance very astutely as the glue that holds these sections together. Then, when the chorus comes along, the chorus rhymes are made all the more noticeable and more important because of the lack of earlier rhyming. I also really like the way you've uses three consecutive rhymes in the chorus and then ended with a non-rhyming fourth line. Interestingly, the long 'I' sound in "skies", "eyes", "lies" is a dipthong that finishes when a softer, long 'E' sound that has a gentle sonic link with the long 'E' sound in "Hold me". As I see it, this is very, very clever lyric writing.

The melody, your singing, your arrangement and production all worked really well through my headphones this morning.

I enjoyed it!

All the best,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


Top
#493180 - 09/27/18 05:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4812
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4812
Loc: Sydney Australia
Nice work - a pretty tune, strong vocal and a good mix(that fretless that Janne mentioned sounds great).
Enjoyable song.

Peter

Top
#493370 - 09/28/18 05:34 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: rayc]
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
Ezekiel's Storm Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
Originally Posted By: rayc
The rhyming - or lack thereof - isn't a problem as the melody does the resolution work.
The song is a good one and the arrangement work with it quite well.
The only nit I would pick is that the vocal processing has increased the "essing". I'd suggest either backing it off, V chopping the syllable or using a de esser.
Your added instrumentation really does a good job of beefing up the backing.


Thanks for the feedback, rayc. I noticed the sibilance. Additionally, thanks for tips on how to correct it.

Top
#493373 - 09/28/18 05:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
Ezekiel's Storm Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1792
Loc: Virginia USA
Originally Posted By: Noel96
Scott,

I really like the non-rhyming verses. As I hear it, you have used assonance, alliteration and consonance very astutely as the glue that holds these sections together. Then, when the chorus comes along, the chorus rhymes are made all the more noticeable and more important because of the lack of earlier rhyming. I also really like the way you've uses three consecutive rhymes in the chorus and then ended with a non-rhyming fourth line. Interestingly, the long 'I' sound in "skies", "eyes", "lies" is a dipthong that finishes when a softer, long 'E' sound that has a gentle sonic link with the long 'E' sound in "Hold me". As I see it, this is very, very clever lyric writing.



Thanks, Noel! I see that you took note during your literature/composition classes in school! smile I appreciate the analysis of the sound devices used in the lyrics.

Top
#493379 - 09/28/18 06:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4997
Loc: Gulf Coast
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4997
Loc: Gulf Coast
Pretty song - I like the way you sang it - really nice voice and harmony.
_________________________
Josie Beck - Youtube Channel
I'm moving most of my music off Soundcloud.
Click my Youtube link above to hear my songs.
Thank you.

Top
#493470 - 09/29/18 11:22 AM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
gruverider Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1831
The song and your mix have a smooth flow. That song style is very versatile and you have written it well.

much enjoyed!

Top
#493504 - 09/29/18 04:01 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3640
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3640
Loc: The Netherlands
Nice one.
Smooth sound to it.
Backline (drum and bass) could have been a bit louder and vocals a little bit less loud.
But that's just my opinion (coming from a perfectionist who sometimes spends days on editing the volume of his vocals alone grin)

Rob
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



Top
#494434 - 10/05/18 04:55 PM [User Showcase] Re: Fragile Monuments [Re: Ezekiel's Storm]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
Very cool!! Pretty song. Well written and produced. Some interesting lyrics. These are my favorites:

Forgotten crystal cities, electric evening skies
Cleansing rains concealing, a world of amber eyes
Fragile monuments where a fallen rose lies

Very poetic, and wonderful melody through this section too!

Great job!! Take care. Greg

Top


PG Music News
Band-in-a-Box® 2022 for Mac® Bonus PAKs!

Purchase Band-in-a-Box® 2022 during our Mac special (ending July 15th) and you'll receive a Free Bonus PAK*!

What does the Free Bonus PAK include?
-MIDI SuperTracks Set 34: Blues Piano and Organ (9 MSTs)
-Instrumental Studies 16: Fusion Guitar Soloing (6 studies)
-Artist Performance Set 11: Songs with Vocals volume 1 (20 songs)
-RealDrums Stems Set 1 (20 RealDrums stems)
-MIDI Styles Set 84: Look Ma! More MIDI 7 (complete, 15 styles)
-Over 400 playable RealTracks (sfz sforzando files)
-RealCombos Booster PAK (30 New RealStyles, 26 Existing RealStyles, 109 RT's/RD's)

Want even more? Boost your Free Bonus PAK to the 49-PAK for $49 to add:
-60 Bonus RT/RD (20 more than in previous years)
-MIDI SuperTracks Set 35: All Guitar (5 MSTs)
-Instrumental Studies 17: Classic Country Guitar Soloing (6 studies)
-Artist Performance Set 12: Songs with Vocals volume 2 (20 songs)
-RealDrums Stems Set 2 (20 RealDrums stems)
-Look Ma! More MIDI 8 (complete, 15 styles)

Learn more...

*excluding the $49 version upgrade purchase.

Holiday Hours - Canada Day (July 1, 2022)

We are celebrating Canada Day on Friday, July 1st - but we're still here!

Our Customer Service hours that day are adjusted to:

Friday, July 1: 8am-4pm PDT

Regular Hours resume Saturday, July 2nd.
www.pgmusic.com/contact.htm

Happy Independence Day to our USA friends on Monday, July 4th!

New Band-in-a-Box® 2022 Add-ons are Here!

We're excited to say that we've just released some amazing new RealStyles with XPro Styles PAKs 2 & 3 and Xtra Styles PAK 13 for Band-in-a-Box® 2022 for Windows or Mac!

XPro Styles PAK 2 includes 100 fresh new RealStyles that will up the utility and fun factor of the Band-in-a-Box® Pro version by adding 25 rock and pop styles, 25 jazz styles, 25 country styles, and 25 folk styles! XPro Styles PAK 3 goes even further - not only is it packed 100 new RealStyles, it includes 35 RealTracks that are not included with a Pro or MegaPAK purchase - adding even more versatility to what these can do! Sink your teeth into 25 rock/pop styles, 25 jazz/funk styles, 25 country/bluegrass styles, and 25 styles featuring a mix of genres ranging from high energy electro swing to ambient grooves and everything in between.

With the new Xtra Styles PAK 13, we're going to make the number thirteen lucky again! There are 200 new RealStyles for Rock/Pop, Jazz, Country, and Singer-Songwriter. Some examples of what's included: Mellow soundtrack rock, Americana country lullaby, western swing big band, coffee house jazz waltz, jazzy jump blues, songwriter gospel ballad, fast indie rock, vintage clav funk, country pop march, and much, much more!

And they're all ON SALE until July 15th! Purchase Xtra Styles PAKs or XPro Styles PAKs for only $29 per PAK (regular price $49 each)!

Purchase XPro Styles PAKs
Purchase Xtra Styles PAKs
Learn more & watch our video demonstrations

Band-in-a-Box® 2022 for Mac is here!

There are 50+ new features, 222 new RealTracks (20 more than we've released in previous versions), new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, Artist Performances, Xtra Styles PAK 13, XPro Styles PAKs 2 & 3, New "playable RealTracks" Hi-Q sounds, 2 sets of "RealDrums Stems," and more!

We're having a SALE on Band-in-a-Box® 2022 Upgrade purchases until July 15, 2022 - save up to 50% when you purchase a Band-in-a-Box® 2022 for Mac Upgrade!

We've packed our Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK with some amazing Add-ons! The Free Bonus PAK is automatically included with most Band-in-a-Box® for Mac 2022 packages! For more even more Add-ons (including 60 Unreleased RealTracks!), upgrade it to the 2022 49-PAK for only $49. You can see the full lists of items in each package, and listen to demos here.

If you need any help deciding which package is the best option for you, just let us know. We are here to help!

Learn more about all the new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2022 for Mac.

How to: Opening Multiple Instances of Band-in-a-Box®

Did you know that you can have multiple instances of Band-in-a-Box® open on your computer? There was a conversation about this recently on our Forum, so we put together this video explaining how: Opening Multiple Instances of Band-in-a-Box®

Want to see a quick video tutorial that's not on our Tips & Tricks list? You can post your request to our I want a video that shows me how to .... forum.

How to: Replacing a MIDI Track with an Audio Track (RealBand)

Using RealBand and wondering how to replace a MIDI track with an audio track?

We show you how in our RealBand®: Replacing a MIDI Track with an Audio Track
video!

How to: Setup and Record with a MIDI Keyboard in Band-in-a-Box® for Windows

Do you want to record your MIDI keyboard into Band-in-a-Box®, but aren't sure where to start? This quick video is what you've been looking for! How to Setup and Record with a MIDI Keyboard in Band-in-a-Box® for Windows.

User Guide: Working with MIDI

Forum Stats
36223 Members
64 Forums
74881 Topics
657563 Posts

Max Online: 2537 @ 01/19/20 07:09 AM
Newest Members
mikecoz, Luc B, isH, Dedubya, rknight

36223 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
Icelander 265
zedd 185
MarioD 128
Janice & Bud 115
Torrey Bliss 111
Rob Helms 89
Jim Fogle 86
Rustyspoon# 85
AudioTrack 85
rayc 80
Today's Birthdays
No Birthdays