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#535030 05/01/19 11:24 AM
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https://soundcloud.com/user-770148857/okay


Here's a new song, tried to do one like Marshall Crenshaw.

Vocals for my songs are almost always by a collaborator, usually from fiverr. I only sing on novelty songs and maybe a blues tune but it usually ain't real good.

bass: 683 guitars: 997, 1259, 2685


Okay...Okay-ay
I never really felt okay in this world,
Til the day... the day-ay
I looked up and you were there
And the way...the way-ay (yeah the way)
That you looked back at me,
It was such, such an inviting stare

And the things I see in you and me
Have opened my eyes wide
I just gotta tell you how I feel inside

Any time I get to feeling blue the thought of you gets me through the day,
Every time I look at you I think that I might be okay

Okay, okay-ay
It's been awhile and we're still intact,
I can say...yeah say-ay
I'm in love and that's a fact
And today...today-ay (yeah, today)
Is one that I'll never forget
Cuz you said, you said you love me back

Repeat chorus

Last edited by TuneMonger; 05/03/19 04:10 PM.

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TuneMonger #535040 05/01/19 12:56 PM
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Hi TuneMonger,

That is a nice song. I enjoyed listening to it. You have a good voice that is pleasant to listen to.

I am curious about the part of the lyrics where you sing "... and we're still intact". English is not my native language so please bear with me if this is a stupid question, but is that a normal expression in English?
In my language "intact" is used about material things which are not broken (like glass, etc.), but never about relationships. Is it normal to use this expression in English about a personal relationship or is it your (clever) invention for this song?

Thanks a lot for sharing!
Will

TuneMonger #535054 05/01/19 02:09 PM
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I really enjoyed the harmonies in this. Good production on a great catchy tune.
Reminded me of Crowded house. Rob

TuneMonger #535055 05/01/19 02:10 PM
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The lyrics for this song were quite charming and I liked the catchiness of the tune. Thanks for sharing.


Cheers,
Ember
TuneMonger #535071 05/01/19 04:10 PM
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TuneMonger,
Very cool song! Lyrics and melody grabs you right in.
Production and mix are done very tastefully.
Very curious of the mic that was used on this tune. If it is not a trade secret, can you please share?

Thank you for posting!

Misha.

Will Josef #535074 05/01/19 04:24 PM
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Hi Will,

I was just being (hopefully) clever. I have never heard anyone use intact this way. Once upon a time, no one used 'tight' to describe a relationship, but look at the word now. Actually, I thought a long time about taking the word out, but ended up keeping it. I have taken a lot of creative writing classes, and a popular axiom in those classes is "kill your darlings." Which means to get rid of things like my use of intact. But I have a little bit of rebel in me, linguistically.


Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
TuneMonger #535081 05/01/19 09:22 PM
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This is just great. Pleasantly poppy with an upbeat message too. Love the vocals and harmonies, both lifted to the next level with the additional production. Good attention to detail and possibilities.


BIAB 2021 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground
TuneMonger #535083 05/01/19 10:29 PM
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Hello,

I have a few minutes to listen to two or three songs ... been driving my wife all over the State of Alabama for medical treatment. Glad I clicked onto this. I really like your voice ... and this lyric is really nice. I like the song a lot.

If I may, one quick observation ... I think if the drums were centered rather than panned somewhat left, it would "fill out' the mix a wee bit better. It's just a personal opinion. That said, this song is terrific! I had a great time listening to it. Sweet!

Best to you ...

Alan


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TuneMonger #535097 05/02/19 12:01 AM
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It's a nice combo of Crenshaw & Crowded House for sure.
The guitars chime nicely and the voice suits the song really well.
I don't think the asides work though - they sound tacked on and a little stiff.
I don't mind the use of "intact: at all - it does work as an opposite to broken and relationships may be intact grammatically.
I'm not fussed on the lines...
"That you looked back at me,
It was such, such an inviting stare" though, as they seem either predatory or jus awkward.
Cool song regardless of my quibbles.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
TuneMonger #535115 05/02/19 03:40 AM
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"This is just great. Pleasantly poppy with an upbeat message too. Love the vocals and harmonies, both lifted to the next level with the additional production. Good attention to detail and possibilities."

What he said!

A positive feel in lyric, vocal performance and arrangement. A nice shelter from news and social media of late.

We won't parse it out...suffice it to say that we enjoyed it in its totality.

Well done!

J&B

TuneMonger #535132 05/02/19 06:24 AM
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A nicely done creative catchy tune here...
I especially liked the harmonies...
Really well done...
I like it!
Oh yeah... & I also liked the faded ending you gave the song.



Last edited by Jim; 05/02/19 06:26 AM. Reason: faded ending

Jim
†=☮&♥
TuneMonger #535157 05/02/19 10:49 AM
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Hey there TuneMonger, fantastic choice of instrumentation on this. This sounds very full and the chord progression is very nice. Looking forward to hear more!


Cheers,
Joe
TuneMonger #535158 05/02/19 11:08 AM
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This is a very satisfying listen.

The vibe is very infectious (in a good way) and within seconds of starting to listen my feet were tapping up and down on the floor.

You've done a really good job with this. The production sits very comfortably on the ears. I also like the way that you've structured the lyrics. They flow along nicely and this flow marries the melody, its arrangement and lyric-content together very well indeed.

All the best,
Noel


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TuneMonger #535236 05/03/19 04:10 AM
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Very nice song. Really liked your vocal. Well done


Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709
https://soundcloud.com/spiritlevel-ca
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritLevel-ge3hm/
TuneMonger #535524 05/05/19 10:19 AM
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TM,

This is great pop music. A truly infectious melody. Catchy in the way that early Elvis Costello was - with a touch of The Knack or Badfinger. True ear candy. One of the catchiest, "pop-i-est", "radio-ish" songs I've ever heard on this forum.

This has "radio hit" written all over it (at least if we could turn back the clock a bit...).

fj

TuneMonger #535545 05/05/19 11:53 AM
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Cool song!! Great retro feel! Arrangement and vocals really bring back a long gone wonderful musical era! I love the harmonies and the melody of the chorus...very creative and catchy! Very well done!! Take care. Greg

TuneMonger #535556 05/05/19 01:12 PM
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TuneMonger,

Some terrific hooks in this and a really engaging melody and structure. Very easy on the ears, and locks you in from first to last note. From a production standpoint, for me at least, the “Yeah the way” and “yeah, today” back up vocals in the fifth line of each verse are a little too different sounding from the vibe of the song . . . might find a way to change the tone of that a bit to fit more snuggly. But that's a subjective thing . . . and it doesn't seem like anyone else was troubled by it--so lose or use as you see fit.

Loving the harmonies on the chorus. That’s really well done. Strong offering, Tune . . . I like it a lot.

All the best,

Deej

TuneMonger #535702 05/06/19 01:25 PM
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Thanks to everyone who commented on this. I especially appreciate those who suggested ways to improve it. Lavish praise was also well received. ; ) I'm leaning toward removing the "yeah the way" and "yeah today" lines. So everyone was 'okay' with the ending? Thought I might get some nays on that. Thanks again to all, this is probably my first and last attempt at a pop song, I mainly like blues and roots stuff.

Last edited by TuneMonger; 05/06/19 01:26 PM.

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TuneMonger #535879 05/07/19 01:25 PM
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Hey TuneMonger, I loved the vibe in this one! That chorus is catchy (loved that change to a minor chord in there) Great job with the vocal harmony also! Thanks, Torrey




TuneMonger #535994 05/08/19 04:27 AM
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What a tune! Your vocals absolutely soar on this one, and the harmonies are top notch. It's a solid earworm too - really catchy and displays a strong understanding of songwriting. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if I heard this on the radio.

Great work, and thanks for sharing smile


Cheers,
Deryk
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