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#535030 - 05/01/19 02:24 PM [User Showcase] Okay
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland

https://soundcloud.com/user-770148857/okay


Here's a new song, tried to do one like Marshall Crenshaw.

Vocals for my songs are almost always by a collaborator, usually from fiverr. I only sing on novelty songs and maybe a blues tune but it usually ain't real good.

bass: 683 guitars: 997, 1259, 2685


Okay...Okay-ay
I never really felt okay in this world,
Til the day... the day-ay
I looked up and you were there
And the way...the way-ay (yeah the way)
That you looked back at me,
It was such, such an inviting stare

And the things I see in you and me
Have opened my eyes wide
I just gotta tell you how I feel inside

Any time I get to feeling blue the thought of you gets me through the day,
Every time I look at you I think that I might be okay

Okay, okay-ay
It's been awhile and we're still intact,
I can say...yeah say-ay
I'm in love and that's a fact
And today...today-ay (yeah, today)
Is one that I'll never forget
Cuz you said, you said you love me back

Repeat chorus


Edited by TuneMonger (05/03/19 07:10 PM)
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#535040 - 05/01/19 03:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 705
Loc: Denmark
Will Josef Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 705
Loc: Denmark
Hi TuneMonger,

That is a nice song. I enjoyed listening to it. You have a good voice that is pleasant to listen to.

I am curious about the part of the lyrics where you sing "... and we're still intact". English is not my native language so please bear with me if this is a stupid question, but is that a normal expression in English?
In my language "intact" is used about material things which are not broken (like glass, etc.), but never about relationships. Is it normal to use this expression in English about a personal relationship or is it your (clever) invention for this song?

Thanks a lot for sharing!
Will

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#535054 - 05/01/19 05:09 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2682
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2682
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
I really enjoyed the harmonies in this. Good production on a great catchy tune.
Reminded me of Crowded house. Rob

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#535055 - 05/01/19 05:10 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 1620
Loc: Victoria, BC
Ember - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 06/19/17
Posts: 1620
Loc: Victoria, BC
The lyrics for this song were quite charming and I liked the catchiness of the tune. Thanks for sharing.
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#535071 - 05/01/19 07:10 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 864
Rustyspoon# Online   content
Expert

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 864
TuneMonger,
Very cool song! Lyrics and melody grabs you right in.
Production and mix are done very tastefully.
Very curious of the mic that was used on this tune. If it is not a trade secret, can you please share?

Thank you for posting!

Misha.

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#535074 - 05/01/19 07:24 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: Will Josef]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland
Hi Will,

I was just being (hopefully) clever. I have never heard anyone use intact this way. Once upon a time, no one used 'tight' to describe a relationship, but look at the word now. Actually, I thought a long time about taking the word out, but ended up keeping it. I have taken a lot of creative writing classes, and a popular axiom in those classes is "kill your darlings." Which means to get rid of things like my use of intact. But I have a little bit of rebel in me, linguistically.
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#535081 - 05/02/19 12:22 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 489
Tangmo Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 489
This is just great. Pleasantly poppy with an upbeat message too. Love the vocals and harmonies, both lifted to the next level with the additional production. Good attention to detail and possibilities.
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#535083 - 05/02/19 01:29 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3873
Loc: Alabama, USA
Al-David Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 3873
Loc: Alabama, USA
Hello,

I have a few minutes to listen to two or three songs ... been driving my wife all over the State of Alabama for medical treatment. Glad I clicked onto this. I really like your voice ... and this lyric is really nice. I like the song a lot.

If I may, one quick observation ... I think if the drums were centered rather than panned somewhat left, it would "fill out' the mix a wee bit better. It's just a personal opinion. That said, this song is terrific! I had a great time listening to it. Sweet!

Best to you ...

Alan
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#535097 - 05/02/19 03:01 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 967
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 967
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
It's a nice combo of Crenshaw & Crowded House for sure.
The guitars chime nicely and the voice suits the song really well.
I don't think the asides work though - they sound tacked on and a little stiff.
I don't mind the use of "intact: at all - it does work as an opposite to broken and relationships may be intact grammatically.
I'm not fussed on the lines...
"That you looked back at me,
It was such, such an inviting stare" though, as they seem either predatory or jus awkward.
Cool song regardless of my quibbles.
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#535115 - 05/02/19 06:40 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 7150
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 7150
Loc: GA USA
"This is just great. Pleasantly poppy with an upbeat message too. Love the vocals and harmonies, both lifted to the next level with the additional production. Good attention to detail and possibilities."

What he said!

A positive feel in lyric, vocal performance and arrangement. A nice shelter from news and social media of late.

We won't parse it out...suffice it to say that we enjoyed it in its totality.

Well done!

J&B
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#535132 - 05/02/19 09:24 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 06/16/00
Posts: 964
Loc: Texas
Jim Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/16/00
Posts: 964
Loc: Texas
A nicely done creative catchy tune here...
I especially liked the harmonies...
Really well done...
I like it!
Oh yeah... & I also liked the faded ending you gave the song.




Edited by Jim (05/02/19 09:26 AM)
Edit Reason: faded ending
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#535157 - 05/02/19 01:49 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1358
Joe -PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 01/18/16
Posts: 1358
Hey there TuneMonger, fantastic choice of instrumentation on this. This sounds very full and the chord progression is very nice. Looking forward to hear more!
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#535158 - 05/02/19 02:08 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14879
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14879
Loc: Australia
This is a very satisfying listen.

The vibe is very infectious (in a good way) and within seconds of starting to listen my feet were tapping up and down on the floor.

You've done a really good job with this. The production sits very comfortably on the ears. I also like the way that you've structured the lyrics. They flow along nicely and this flow marries the melody, its arrangement and lyric-content together very well indeed.

All the best,
Noel
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#535236 - 05/03/19 07:10 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4131
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4131
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Very nice song. Really liked your vocal. Well done
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https://soundcloud.com/scottt709

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#535524 - 05/05/19 01:19 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6935
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6935
Loc: Florida
TM,

This is great pop music. A truly infectious melody. Catchy in the way that early Elvis Costello was - with a touch of The Knack or Badfinger. True ear candy. One of the catchiest, "pop-i-est", "radio-ish" songs I've ever heard on this forum.

This has "radio hit" written all over it (at least if we could turn back the clock a bit...).

fj
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#535545 - 05/05/19 02:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Cool song!! Great retro feel! Arrangement and vocals really bring back a long gone wonderful musical era! I love the harmonies and the melody of the chorus...very creative and catchy! Very well done!! Take care. Greg

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#535556 - 05/05/19 04:12 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 246
Deej56 Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 246
TuneMonger,

Some terrific hooks in this and a really engaging melody and structure. Very easy on the ears, and locks you in from first to last note. From a production standpoint, for me at least, the “Yeah the way” and “yeah, today” back up vocals in the fifth line of each verse are a little too different sounding from the vibe of the song . . . might find a way to change the tone of that a bit to fit more snuggly. But that's a subjective thing . . . and it doesn't seem like anyone else was troubled by it--so lose or use as you see fit.

Loving the harmonies on the chorus. That’s really well done. Strong offering, Tune . . . I like it a lot.

All the best,

Deej

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#535702 - 05/06/19 04:25 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 183
Loc: Maryland
Thanks to everyone who commented on this. I especially appreciate those who suggested ways to improve it. Lavish praise was also well received. ; ) I'm leaning toward removing the "yeah the way" and "yeah today" lines. So everyone was 'okay' with the ending? Thought I might get some nays on that. Thanks again to all, this is probably my first and last attempt at a pop song, I mainly like blues and roots stuff.


Edited by TuneMonger (05/06/19 04:26 PM)
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#535879 - 05/07/19 04:25 PM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 2236
Loc: Missouri
Torrey Bliss Offline
Veteran

Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 2236
Loc: Missouri
Hey TuneMonger, I loved the vibe in this one! That chorus is catchy (loved that change to a minor chord in there) Great job with the vocal harmony also! Thanks, Torrey
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#535994 - 05/08/19 07:27 AM [User Showcase] Re: Okay [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 2115
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 2115
What a tune! Your vocals absolutely soar on this one, and the harmonies are top notch. It's a solid earworm too - really catchy and displays a strong understanding of songwriting. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if I heard this on the radio.

Great work, and thanks for sharing smile
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