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YouTube: Your Paradise - Translitic Song Sketch
SoundCloud: Your Paradise - Translitic Song Sketch



July 25 2020 - Your Paradise - Feb 2020 Translitic song sketch

===========================
TITLE: Your Paradise

===========================
TRACK & SONG INFO

Bass - 1122: Bass, Acoustic, CountryWaltz Sw 110
Accordion - 3045: Accordion, Rhythm KlezmerPopWaltz Ev 110
Drums - RealDrums=PopRockWaltzBrushes Ev: a: Brushes b: PopRockWaltz
Guitar - 1181:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking PopWaltz Ev 120

ev8, ¾, Cm, 110

In addition to the BIAB tracks above, I added the following:

Midi drum track in Superior Drummer
Midi bass track in Trilian
Keys (ethereal) track using Ethereal Earth in Kontakt
Keys (carnival) track using Kinetic Toys Carnival in Kontakt
Acoustic gypsy jazz guitar strumming track
Adjustments to the BIAB guitar track (and played over the top of it to make it sound more authentic)

===========================
VIDEO:

Me in my closet with a video overlay of a carousel near the Eiffel Tower.
===========================
LYRICS:

Draft 6

Send me a lover, send her tonight--
restless deeds, candy bowl full of lies
Take my hands, fold them hard so they pray
I won’t go down to a darkened grave

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Grim marginalia--all these letters I write
Shaky time capsules--words frozen in flight
These worn yellow pages with their torn paper smiles
Caramelized wishes and crushed china dolls.

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Lime and gin, now we’re both dining thin,
eat that slaughtered meat of Christ’s broken limbs
See that b*tch of a sun, she’s sliding forward to greet
a new day of sins played out in the street

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Won’t you take me to paradise
Soil in my heart but there’s fuel in my veins
I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Last edited by TexasFrets; 07/25/20 10:59 AM.
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Very nice song! The video is a bit quirky, but it fitted with song in a strange and unexpected way.

I love this part of your lyrics:

I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Well written!
Will

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Nice atmospheric song, very evocative.

Excellent vocal and mix and video.

Well done all round.

Peter

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I'm probably corny, I know but, I did want to hear a little fairground/merry go round twinkling with the melody a little more clearly just here n there.
Part Tom Waites, Part Richard Hawley all very good.
There's the occasional phrasing spot that I'd tweak but that's me.
I'd also like a solo with a little aggression or bite just for a moment so that the ignition and the extinguishing were represented.
VERY cool.


Cheers
rayc
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Todd,

Another good one.

Your lyric "process" produces vivid, interesting phrases and lines. I like it.

The music is well put together and nicely balanced. I thought the accordion could have been slightly louder.

Good vocal. Beefy and warm.

As Ray says, there is a (early) Tom Waits-ness to this (a good thing) - though a much better vocal smile

Cool stuff.

fj

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A wonderful song, and so well sung. I like the carousel feel and sound, and agree it could be a bit louder in the mix. Still, subtle works well, too.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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Very nice, Todd.
I'm sure the echos of Tom Waits are no accident (love that bit of growl in your vocal) and personally I think the song would be even better with a hint of discord, as per much of his later work. But if smooth is what you were going for, you nailed it. Much enjoyed.
Regards,
Leon

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Hi Todd.
Brilliant song , loved it.

I'm a bit worried about you stuck in that closet. smile

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Originally Posted By: Will Josef
Very nice song! The video is a bit quirky, but it fitted with song in a strange and unexpected way.

I love this part of your lyrics:

I want to burn
with you tonight
I want to burn
in your paradise

Well written!
Will


Hey, Will. I'm glad you like those parts of the lyric. Yeah, the video is pretty quirky. I had an hour deadline before my video/song was due for my songwriting group, and this was my quick 30 min attempt at something to turn in. I ended up liking it though in all its weirdness. I imagine if I actually released this song, I'd have a better, more thought-out video. Thanks so much for listening and for your comments.

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I really like this. Your vocal was excellent as were your lyrics. I liked the backing tracks and everything was mixed to perfection.

This is a very good song.


Me, it's not about how many times you fail, it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop, that's not how field sobriety tests work.

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Fascinating...

The method of writing And resulting lyric

The arrangement

The Waits like vocal

All the tracks - RT’s and your additions

The closet vid

And to all the fascinating aspects we’ll add kudos for all the creativity!

J&B

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That's good. I love the lyrical crafting involved. Those verses.... Wow!

Kinda like a sad gypsy clown melody going on... Reminds me of Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei in a French cafe.

Really interesting song you got there


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Good song and performance, with fascinating lyrics. Love the Tom Waits influence.
The best comment so far: "Reminds me of Tom Waits meets Cirque du Solei in a French cafe" (from Guitarhacker).
Cheers,
Mike


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Originally Posted By: PeterF
Nice atmospheric song, very evocative.

Excellent vocal and mix and video.

Well done all round.

Peter


Thanks, Peter, for your kind and supportive words. I'm really happy you like it. Thanks for giving it a listen. Cheers, Todd

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Originally Posted By: rayc
I'm probably corny, I know but, I did want to hear a little fairground/merry go round twinkling with the melody a little more clearly just here n there.
Part Tom Waites, Part Richard Hawley all very good.
There's the occasional phrasing spot that I'd tweak but that's me.
I'd also like a solo with a little aggression or bite just for a moment so that the ignition and the extinguishing were represented.
VERY cool.


Thanks so much, Ray, for your kind words. I've definitely thought about putting more of the fairground/merry go round music in there. I'll give that a try and see how it turns out.

Tom Waits came to mind when I was writing this--and obviously there is something of him in this particular voice I'm using. I hadn't heard of Richard Hawley though, and I'm thankful for you putting me onto him. I've been listening to him throughout the day and really enjoy his music.

I also felt like some of the phrasing needs to be tweaked. Some places my Tom Waitsy voice breaks into a different voice.

I also like your suggestion of a solo. I'll see what I come up with.

Thanks again for listening and for all your wonderful suggestions.

Cheers!

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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Todd,

Another good one.

Your lyric "process" produces vivid, interesting phrases and lines. I like it.

The music is well put together and nicely balanced. I thought the accordion could have been slightly louder.

Good vocal. Beefy and warm.

As Ray says, there is a (early) Tom Waits-ness to this (a good thing) - though a much better vocal smile

Cool stuff.

fj


Hey, FJ. Thanks for giving my song a listen and for your kind words.

Yes, the translitic process can yield some interesting images and phrases. Sometimes they are jarring, but often they are nice and fresh and interesting. The trick is to smooth them out a bit with the revisions while not losing the immediacy and discovery they contribute to the song.

I'll give that a try--making the accordion louder--and see how it sounds. Thanks for that suggestion.

I'm happy you heard an early Tom Waits in my song. I really like him--his early stuff especially.

Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

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Originally Posted By: BabuMusic
A wonderful song, and so well sung. I like the carousel feel and sound, and agree it could be a bit louder in the mix. Still, subtle works well, too.


Thanks, Marty, for your kind words. When I re-record and remix, I'll up the levels on the carousel music and see how that sounds. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

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Originally Posted By: Leon1
Very nice, Todd.
I'm sure the echos of Tom Waits are no accident (love that bit of growl in your vocal) and personally I think the song would be even better with a hint of discord, as per much of his later work. But if smooth is what you were going for, you nailed it. Much enjoyed.
Regards,
Leon


Thanks so much, Leon. I appreciate it. Yeah, as I put the music together, it reminded me of Tom Waits, so naturally that came out in my voice and words. I'll definitely give Waits's later work a new listen and think about discord and adding some. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd

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Originally Posted By: Gary Weder
Hi Todd.
Brilliant song , loved it.

I'm a bit worried about you stuck in that closet. smile


Thank you, Gary! Ha. Yeah, well with COVID and all, not many places to go other than the closet. ;-)

Cheers! Todd

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Originally Posted By: MarioD
I really like this. Your vocal was excellent as were your lyrics. I liked the backing tracks and everything was mixed to perfection.

This is a very good song.


Thanks so much, Mario. I'm happy you like it. Thanks for the kind words. Cheers, Todd

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