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#615794 - 09/19/20 11:06 PM
[User Showcase]
I Was Only Me
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Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Expert
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
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Hi all: Here’s another collaboration with Carrol Kiphen, who wrote the lyrics. As a songwriter, who knows well the likely fate of all my musical efforts, this lyric really resonated with me (though not that it stops me from keeping on, lol!). I hope I’ve done well by it. As always, feedback and suggestions are welcome. Thanks much in advance. Hope everyone is safe, well and happy! My best to you all, Deej Here’s the song:I WAS ONLY ME Here are the lyrics:
I don’t have a special talent outside my way with words. I’ll die alone a great unknown that no one’s ever heard. A song that never found its voice that’s waiting to be sung. A steeple with a silver bell that’s waiting to be rung. Gathering dust; they turn to rust— Isn’t it just a waste of time? All these songs I’ve written: footprints in the snow. I never was somebody anybody knows. They’re just words in passing. much the same as me— I never was somebody . . . I was only me. I’ve no wish for fame or fortune. I just want to be heard. I’ll die alone a great unknown along with all my words. A hope to no fruition; A seed that never grew; these words and songs I’ve written— dreams that never came true. Gathering dust; they turn to rust— Has it been just a waste of time? All these songs I’ve written: footprints in the snow. I never was somebody anybody knows. They’re just words in passing. much the same as me— I never was somebody . . . I was only me. A whisper in the wind, I’m the morning dew. The shadow of a man you never knew . . . Gathering dust; I’ve turned to rust— Ain’t it just a waste of time. All these songs I’ve written: footprints in the snow. I never was somebody anybody knows. They’re just words in passing. much the same as me— I never was somebody . . . I was only me. And here’s the band:RealTracks 1190: Bass, Electric, ModernRnBRock Ev 065 RealTracks 1006: Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment, PopCalifornia Slow RealTracks 3184: Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm GrungeSlowQuinn Ev16 060 RealTracks 1037: Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm NorthernRockBallad Ev 065 RealTracks 2457: Strings, Rhythm CelticAir Ev 085 RealTracks 1543: Synth Pad, PopBelieve Ev16 065 RealTracks 1856: Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085 RealTracks 2336: Viola, Background, Pop Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection) RealDrums: PopRock16ths^05-a:Brushes, b:Snare, HiHat
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#615796 - 09/20/20 12:02 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2699
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Veteran
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2699
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
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Good message: being able to create is enough for many and with others creating is a tool and means to an end.
Good melody and appropriate backing.
Champion vocal performance.
I'm not fussed on the kick drum though.
_________________________
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com
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#615799 - 09/20/20 01:14 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3560
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3560
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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"A song that never found its voice
that’s waiting to be sung.
A steeple with a silver bell
that’s waiting to be rung."
Nice!! And that's just the first that jumped out at me, just top notch writing.
Excellent vocal too of course, track also sounds good.
Enjoyed!
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#615806 - 09/20/20 01:42 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 01/03/14
Posts: 193
Apprentice
Registered: 01/03/14
Posts: 193
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You did good on this one Deej.
The chorus was refreshing.
Although the lyric is a bit sad it will ring true for many.
Vic
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#615831 - 09/20/20 07:20 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 373
Journeyman
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 373
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Hello Deej56,
Very endearing composition both in the lyrics and in the arrangement. The use of the violin is excellent and the piano fingering is very good. Well done.
Best regards
Dero13
alias JaniJackFlash
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#615832 - 09/20/20 07:21 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8907
Loc: Florida
Veteran
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8907
Loc: Florida
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Your vocal is excellent - as always.
The production is nice, the mix is well done.
fj
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#615876 - 09/20/20 01:12 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9762
Loc: GA USA
Veteran
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9762
Loc: GA USA
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Well done you two.
Your soulful vocal sounds like it was born for that lyric.
Nice band - the strings were particularly effective.
And the melody was most engaging.
Yep, we enjoyed our listens.
J&B
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#615910 - 09/20/20 06:45 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1113
Loc: Maryland
Expert
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1113
Loc: Maryland
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Great song sung well. I really got a strong Jim Steinman vibe from this, especially with the piano and your exceptional vocals. The sadness of the lyrics added to that. Excellent work!
_________________________
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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#615911 - 09/20/20 07:09 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1126
Loc: Denmark
Expert
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1126
Loc: Denmark
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Wow, very nice melody and a really good and impressive vocal performance!
Only little critic I have is that the drums is not so interesting... you could have chosen a better sample for that in my opinion.
But overall a great track!
Will
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#615929 - 09/20/20 11:10 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 306
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Journeyman
Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 306
Loc: Canberra, Australia
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Very fine vocal (as always) to a lovely backing. As an inveterate scribbler of words I too can identify with the lyrics, but it doesn't stop me, either!
Regards,
Leon
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#615935 - 09/20/20 11:27 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3936
Loc: Sydney Australia
Veteran
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3936
Loc: Sydney Australia
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Deej
Lovely vocal and a great sound. The piano sounded very good.
It's a big sounding song(I could hear a spot for a thundering drum and searing guitars near the end).....
Well done to you and Carrol.
Peter
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#616086 - 09/21/20 08:39 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Expert
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
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rayc, BlueAttitude, vicarn, Dero, Floyd, J&B, Tunemonger, Will, Leon and Peter:
Really appreciate the listen and kind comments. Glad it seemed to work for the most part. I realize it's not a commercial song by any means, but the lyric really resonated with me personally . . . just kind of how I feel about the time I spend on the songs I work on. A practical sense of reality. Happy it seemed to come off OK.
With regard to some of the comments:
rayc, Will, and Peter: The drums on this track are what I struggled with most. They are mostly what I was looking for, but I'll admit I'm not overly in love with them. What I really wanted, particularly at the end of the tune, on the last "Gathering dust" pre-chorus, was, as Peter said, a "thundering drum". But I couldn't find it in BIAB. I was thinking of those big bassy kettle type drums (whatever they are called). So while I looked for something better, I failed and ultimately settled. I think what I have works well enough, but is it exactly what I wanted? Honestly, no. Drums continue to be the bane of my producing existence, LOL!
Thanks again all for the giving this a spin.
My very best to all of you,
Deej
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#616098 - 09/22/20 03:52 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 897
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
Expert
Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 897
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
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Hi Deej and Caroll,
A very soulfull voice that fits like a glove in this very nice song. I think Caroll understands very well what kind of singer you are!
The lyrics are very nice. I think almost every word could be written by/for me: "All these songs I’ve written, footprints in the snow". Just beautifull.
And the band did very well. Especially that piano was great. I like it, but I like all your songs (till now...).
Continue the making of these footsteps, Deej.
And you too Caroll!
Hans
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#616124 - 09/22/20 10:20 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2060
Loc: Finland
Veteran
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2060
Loc: Finland
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Lyrics really touch me personally, "I never was somebody...I was only me.", simply beautiful, great write. Great collaboration, definitely more than 1 plus 1 in this case - this song has really found its voice. Vocals really express the "rust", powerful interpretation.
Strings, guitar and piano work very well together, none of them is too dominant, classic rock ballad melody, nice chording with pleasant surprises at "waste", "the same" and at the bridge. Great break after the bridge before the chorus.
Janne
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#616170 - 09/22/20 05:41 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2432
Veteran
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2432
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Deej,
Very strong performance, good lyrics. Composition A+ Enjoyed it!
I have seen some mentioning of "drums" above, but did not read the comments not to derail my thought. I think Piano is overpowering drums a bit. I would try to balance these two and find EQ peak of bass of kick drum and spike it somewhat, so it is more pronounced. Just a side opinion.
Thank you for sharing.
Misha.
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#616244 - 09/23/20 11:14 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2916
Veteran
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2916
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Deej,
A quietly powerful lyric that will resonate with all creators and especially songwriters; the market is saturated and then some, but we keep ourselves company, respond to the muse and keep going.
Another stellar vocal performance, which for me eclipses anything but admiration for your work... and very astute choice of collaborators.
Robert
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#616725 - 09/26/20 05:08 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6034
Loc: Davis, CA
Veteran
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6034
Loc: Davis, CA
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I like everything about it!! A very thoughtful write and an excellent delivery!! One of my faves of yours!! Take care. Greg
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#616830 - 09/27/20 11:56 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 709
Loc: Illinois
Journeyman
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 709
Loc: Illinois
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That's some good stuff!
Love the vocals......nice job.
Lyrics are fantastic.
As a writer myself, this really spoke to me.
This could be the song writer's anthem.
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#617130 - 09/29/20 04:14 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1124
Loc: Virginia USA
Expert
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1124
Loc: Virginia USA
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Great lyrics. Great vocal.
This is melodically engaging. Mix sounds good to me: well-balanced and each instrument is clear and placed well.
This is one of my favorites from you.
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#617146 - 09/29/20 05:35 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: I Was Only Me
[Re: Deej56]
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Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Expert
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 871
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
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Hans, Janne, Misha, Robert, Greg, CaptainMoto, and Ezekiel:
Thanks so much for stopping in and giving this one a spin—always happy to see a song well-received, but this lyric, as noted, really hit home for me. Glad they spoke to you all as well.
Misha:
Drums are my kryptonite, lol. Really good and much appreciated suggestions on enhancing them here. Thanks!
Stay safe, stay well—all of you!
Deej
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