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#618029 - 10/06/20 10:41 AM [User Showcase] I'm The One To Blame
Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
J Williams Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
A song about lost love and wishing I could have handled it better

https://soundcloud.com/user-630435717

I'm The One To Blame

*******************
Style is _CHILPOP.STY (Electronic Chillout Pop)
Style MIDI Instruments are : Finger Electric Bass (34), Acoustic Piano (1),
RealTracks in style: 1004:Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, Rhythm ClassicRockStrumming Ev16 065
RealTracks in style: 1542:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm PopBelieve Ev16 065
RealDrums in Song: PraiseWorshipShine^03-a:Kick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat Slightly Open

Each track exported from BiaB individually into Mixcraft and from there EQ messed. The electric guitar solo was the only instrument 'played' by me and was recorded inside Mixcraft with Compression, distortion and reverb added. Vocals have compression and reverb.
Mastered by a friend but I've no idea what he did.

*******************

Lyrics
V1
I saw your train pull out from the station back in June
I watched it disappear into the distance
Now the winter's crept in slowly there's frost upon the window 
Through which I stare, but you're not there

V2
I read your letter often to try and understand
What I said or did to make you go back to Versailles
And I look back on that summer before you went away
This is the bottom line, the sun don't shine

Chorus
Cos I've not see the sun since you went away
Summer through to winter just the same
The sun no longer shines, they're all just cold, dark winter days
That remind me daily I'm the one to blame

Bridge
Goodbye my angel, there are other worlds to fly. 
If time’s a healer, why is there no change as it goes by?
My memories don’t fade, I can’t see how they’ll erase.
This is the life I’ve made, vous êtes allé 

V3
The day before I wrote this was grey just like the one
Before it and the one before that too
My  world is never changing, no colour sun or you
Why did you have to go and stop the show?

Copyright John C Williams 2018

Comments welcome

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#618067 - 10/06/20 05:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2510
Rustyspoon# Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2510
John,
Very good composition, lyrically and musically! Excellent vocals. Listens very well.
Mix is very solid also, however since you are open to comments, vocals are a bit on high frequency to my ears. Perhaps D-esser will smooth edges? Just opinion of average ear smile Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

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#618094 - 10/06/20 11:07 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2774
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2774
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Your voice makes the song sound like The Lightning Seeds...the melody & melancholy lyrics enhance that.
I's have preferred the solo up the centre.
Your vocal is a little too low in the mix and definitely needs the sibilant stuff addressed.
Cool stuff.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

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#618145 - 10/07/20 07:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 453
Derochette Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 453
Hello J. Williams,

Nice lyrics. Your voice allows us to enter the atmosphere you wanted to create. Very sensitive melody from these harmonics and this well-paced piano.

Kindly regard

Dero13
alias JaniJackFlash

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#618146 - 10/07/20 07:37 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 833
Loc: Illinois
CaptainMoto Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 833
Loc: Illinois
Nice!
Airy vocals fit well.
_________________________
An Old Man Make'n Music

https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/captainmoto/on-the-brink

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#618155 - 10/07/20 08:34 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Deryk - PG Music Offline
PG Music Staff

Registered: 02/15/17
Posts: 3414
Nice work - really liked the lyrics, and thought your vocals delivered them perfectly. A very atmosphere tune, definitely has a melancholic vibe to it which I'm personally drawn towards. Thanks for sharing smile
_________________________
Cheers,
Deryk

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#618223 - 10/07/20 03:06 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1147
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1147
Loc: Maryland
Good song, vocals were good but felt like they either needed to be louder or processed differently to bring them out more. A fine effort overall.
_________________________
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#618232 - 10/07/20 03:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2990
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2990
John,
A well constructed song with strong vocals and a consistent down but not out feel.
Some good comments by others on the vocal processing.
I enjoyed the introduction to your music!

Robert

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#618241 - 10/07/20 04:09 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1181
Loc: Virginia USA
Ezekiel's Storm Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/02/18
Posts: 1181
Loc: Virginia USA
I like this song! Lyrics, melody, instrumentation, and vocal.

Keep 'em coming.

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#618242 - 10/07/20 04:44 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4021
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 4021
Loc: Sydney Australia
John

Welcome to the forum.

Nice first post - very melodic and well performed, with some nice chord changes and dynamics.

Vocals could come up a bit (and the start of the solo as well).

Excellent work.

Peter

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#618963 - 10/13/20 05:10 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
A nice song and good band for it!! You sing it well, but I feel your vocal is a bit too buried in the mix. Some really nice emotion in this!! Enjoyed!! Take care. Greg

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#633414 - 12/30/20 09:17 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
J Williams Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
Thanks for all the comments and I apologise for leaving it so long to reply. A bit of time off work at Christmas has helped me get round to a lot of things that needed attending to.

The guy who did the mastering did mention sibilance and worked on that, but maybe there was a limit on how much he could do with the raw product.

Your comments have encouraged me.

Thanks again
John

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#633617 - 12/31/20 08:59 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5548
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5548
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Welcome to the forum. Very cool vocal and lyric. Look forward to hearing more of your tunes. Well done

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#633631 - 12/31/20 10:01 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 919
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Deej56 Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 919
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
John,

Overall, I really like the sound and feel of this one. Musically, the instrumental sounds really solid to me. Very strong chorus and like that lead solo before the bridge. You’ve already received some good feedback on the vocal—I’d generally agree with most of that, and particularly that the vocal needs to come forward a bit. Good stuff!

Have a Happy New Year.

Deej

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#634161 - 01/03/21 11:43 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 3174
Loc: Missouri
Torrey Bliss Offline
Veteran

Registered: 07/11/15
Posts: 3174
Loc: Missouri
Very nice song John! Great job on the vocal (maybe could use a boost). Loved that intro and clever little melodic twists in the chorus! Welcome aboard! T
_________________________
Torrey Bliss
www.soundcloud.com/torrey-bliss



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#634268 - 01/03/21 07:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 12318
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
VideoTrack Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 12318
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Absolutely enjoyable, great mix of the instruments, perfect drive, excellent vocal delivery, although vocals could sit slightly more forward in the mix.

There really is a lot to like about this composition and production.

Well done.
_________________________
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#634530 - 01/05/21 05:06 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Tano Music Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/29/10
Posts: 1520
Loc: Charlotte, NC
Solid composition, good production… I’ll leave comments on the mix up to my forum friends who are more proficient in that area.

I do have some feedback on two fronts: first, I think that the transition from verse two into the chorus should have some more differentiation, for example a change in the drum track or percussion to set it off for the ear.

Secondly, I have kind of a problem with the lyric. If I wasn’t reading it, I would be quite confused by your use of the word “Versailles” and the little French phrase at the end of the bridge. Without seeing the words, and just using the ear, I’m not sure that the listener would pick up what you have written. A suggestion might be to change the title of the song to that little French phrase, or make a subtitle, in parentheses, something like “What I lost in Versailles”… That way, you give the listener a cue that there was some French content coming up that they should be ready to hear.

Just some friendly feedback aside from my enjoyment of your track!

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#635371 - 01/09/21 12:24 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: Tano Music]
Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
J Williams Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/09/18
Posts: 4
Loc: United Kingdom
Thanks for the advice, I've changed the title to I'm The One To Blame (What I Lost to Versailles) now. Good idea which I hadn't thought of.

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#635869 - 01/11/21 06:08 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6131
Loc: Davis, CA
Cool song!! Nice melody, cool lyrics, and really nice vocal and arrangement!! Has a bit of a Beatles vibe I think....always a good thing in my book! Enjoyed it!! Take care. Greg

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#636115 - 01/12/21 08:44 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'm The One To Blame [Re: J Williams]
Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 370
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Leon1 Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 370
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Hi John
Very melodic and engaging, with some nice changes. Enjoyed it.
Regards,
Leon

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