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#637047 - 01/18/21 10:50 AM [User Showcase] Please critique my second song!
Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Tina Jay Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Hi all!

Tina Jay here again with another - this time slower tempo - attempt at a rock song using BIAB!

As with the first one, I look forward to your input.
The link: https://soundcloud.com/christina-juppe/i-will-break-your-fall/s-0afMKfvqS0k

It's called "I will break your fall"

Style is _CROK12H.STY (Slow Classic Rock w/ Held 12 Str)
RealTracks in style: 366:Bass, Electric, Country Ev 065
RealTracks in style: ~688:Organ, B3, Background Pop Ev 065
RealTracks in style: 2534:Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, HeldChords
RealTracks in style: 803:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm DrivingCountryBalladClean Ev 065
RealDrums [in style:NashvilleEven16^1-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, Ride
I added RT 875 Electric Rhythm Guitar

Lead vocal plus 2 harmonies. Again - no tuning or MIDI tracks.

Used Izotope Nectar 3 Plus and Ozone 9 for presets. MAAT DR Offline Meter as before.

Lyrics:

I will break your fall
Tina Jay

Verse 1
I wrote this song for you – when the world’s gone mad
I wrote this song for you to see it’s not that bad
Play a tune and sing – forget the things you never had….

Verse 2
I wrote this song for you – if you’re feeling small
I wrote this song for you to make you stand up tall
If you think you lack – know that you can have it all…..
I will break your fall.

Chorus 1
Many roads – seem closed – when I’m on my way
Many times – the dark obscures the light
Still I’m rea - ching out – ‘cause I’ve got things to say
Why don’t you join my voice tonight


Instrumental/humming (two verse length)

Chorus 2
Feeling like – an eagle in a golden cage
Long to spread – my wings and soar above
Crashing through – the bars to fly into an age
Where everyone knows how to love

Verse 2

I wrote this song for you – if you’re feeling small
I wrote this song for you to make you stand up tall
If you think you lack – know you can have it all…..
I will break your fall.

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#637051 - 01/18/21 11:43 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 3810
Rustyspoon# Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 3810
Tina,
I think this is excellent, especially considering that you are only starting out with BIAB!
Vocals, mix are very good. Vocals are a little too bright for my taste (HF) and I think main voice should be closer to the center, but I have average ears, so just an opinion of a casual listener. Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

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#637059 - 01/18/21 12:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4254
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4254
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Tina !

Welcome to the forum !
I was not able to listen
to your first song but
the most important thing
is to just keep writing
and experimenting !
There´s not many tools
that make songwriting
as easy as Band In A Box
and you are already
far into it !
Keep up the good work !

Cheers
Dani

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#637117 - 01/18/21 05:36 PM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1707
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1707
Loc: Maryland
Great song, loved it all except maybe the main vocal panning. But it didn't stop me from enjoying this. Well done!
_________________________
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak

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#637160 - 01/19/21 01:36 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1660
Loc: Germany
Crossroads Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1660
Loc: Germany
Hi Tina,

that's a really good one - liked the vocals a lot and the whole song really sounds great.

Chrees,

Stefan

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#637164 - 01/19/21 02:56 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Rustyspoon#]
Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Tina Jay Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Hey Rustyspoon,
I totally get what you are saying. Vocals I changed partly bc in my first song the feedback was that they were not prominent enough/didn't give them enough space.
I also understand re: vocals not quite in the centre...that was a deliberate decision to balance out with the harmonies. But as you say: everyone has different preferences.

Question: what's HF? :-)

Tina

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#637170 - 01/19/21 04:51 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 1917
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
BabuMusic Offline
Expert

Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 1917
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
Wow, Tina. Welcome to the forum. What a wonderful write, and I love the harmony. Really good use of BiaB. Are you really new to it? You're definitely not new to creating catchy music. Great voice, although I, too, feel the vocal it a bit too out front. Then again, when it's that good, why not?
_________________________
Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

Babu Music on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLDrsXTXfShgnGalQZ0ElQw
Me on SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/marty-straub

My website: http://martystraub.com/

using Band in a Box, Reaper, Cakewalk, Ozone 9

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#637247 - 01/19/21 09:30 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: BabuMusic]
Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Tina Jay Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Hey Marty!

Thank you for the compliments and comments!
I promise - I am new to this! Right now this "song business" is an ongoing discovery for me. Maybe I am a "natural" at composing - who knows? :-) I must say thought that - since I don't read music and know only a little bit about music theory - discovering BIAB has been amazing and I am exploring it with gusto. On the Pro version at the moment but I guess the time will come when I want to upgrade...

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#637254 - 01/19/21 10:07 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 578
Loc: Grand Junction, Colorado USA
Achordocaster Online   content
Journeyman

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 578
Loc: Grand Junction, Colorado USA
Hey Tina,

This is a good job especially for your 2nd attempt. If I could give any constructive opinion's they would be that the vocal seems too hot and where are the drums? I do occasionally hear a drum fill, but over-all the drums are buried way too far in the background... Just my $.02

Keep working, It's a process. smile

Greg

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#637335 - 01/19/21 06:50 PM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
CaptainMoto Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
Tina,
Wonderful song.
Put together very nicely.

I get the "Bond" vibe....well done.
That's no small feat.

I really like it, you'll be a hit maker soon.

I think you could take it to the next level with just a little focus on the EQ.
Perhaps cutting the bass a bit with a high pass filter, maybe a little dip in the low mids and just a dash of boost at the top end to add a little sparkle.



I hope when you make it big, you'll remember us wannabes.






Edited by CaptainMoto (01/19/21 07:22 PM)
_________________________
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https://sites.google.com/view/captainmoto-com/home?authuser=0

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#637364 - 01/20/21 05:01 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: CaptainMoto]
Registered: 03/04/07
Posts: 816
Loc: Germany
CeeBee Offline
Expert

Registered: 03/04/07
Posts: 816
Loc: Germany
Nice one Tina. Compared to your first one (which was pretty good for a first) this one is a great improvement. Good arangement and composition, and the vocals are very nice. If this is an example of your learning curve your next one will be a number one hit! smile
_________________________
Chris

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#637379 - 01/20/21 06:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: CaptainMoto]
Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Tina Jay Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Ha ha ha Captain Moto...your recommendations made me smile...sound like a recipe.

TBH...I don't fully understand how to implement this but I will have a jolly good go. :-)

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#637503 - 01/20/21 07:41 PM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 621
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Leon1 Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 621
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Hi Tina.
Very well done, especially for someone new to BIAB. You have a good voice and I look forward to hearing more of your songs.
Regards,
Leon

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#637578 - 01/21/21 07:37 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11785
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11785
Loc: GA USA
Welcome!

Fine lyric, melody and vocals! And the arrangement too.

Early on a lot of folks, including us, tend to mix drums low and also go through a panning and general volume shaping experimental period. So getting that kick and snare popping will really help drive the tune.

I'd suggest using a reference song while mixing (either standalone or via Ozone) -- one that fits your style and, of course, that you like. We found that approach during our earlier mix days to be very helpful.

Your talents are very apparent and we look forward to more of your productions!

J&B

PS This is a great community and we hope you spend the time to check out some of the songs that are being posted here. Have a great and safe new year.

PPS Did you intend for the song to be private?
_________________________
J&B Videos
J&B Soundcloud
J&B Website

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#638619 - 01/27/21 09:53 AM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Janice & Bud]
Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Tina Jay Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 12/14/20
Posts: 40
Loc: United Kingdom
Thank you for your pointers. I will investigate the reference song function.

Yes, I did intend the song to be private to begin with - but have now changed my three songs so far to public.

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#638630 - 01/27/21 12:15 PM [User Showcase] Re: Please critique my second song! [Re: Tina Jay]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8250
Guitarhacker Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8250
I liked this.

I could hear the Bond feel you said you were going for. It sounded pretty good considering that you're new to BB, once you grab hold of it, I think you're going to be a force to be reckoned with.

The thing that grabbed my attention right off was the off center main vocal. That's almost never a good idea. It's better to put the main vocal dead center. A little thing that I like to do is record 2 more main vox tracks and drop the levels to barely audible and pan them 100% left and right. It thickens and adds a wide feel. Drop harmonies in both sides at maybe 50% and down a few db to taste.

All in all... A good job. I've seen a few of your songs in the forum and I will be dropping in to listen closer in the future.

Good job!
_________________________
You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com

Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.


As the sword chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer.

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