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#722778 07/02/22 02:46 AM
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Not too sure about this one - so here goes, maybe some of you genuinely great musicians on here (which you all are, in my view - no exception) can give me an idea as to what to do with this one - whether to put it in the trash, in the picture frame or somewhere in between ... and, perhaps, how to improve on it. Anyway, here it is - thanks for all your kind help with listens and comments! Oh, before I forget, it's on "private mode", for now at least - but the link below should work.

War Zone


THE LYRICS:

I was walking 'round town, and I sat down
To think, once more ...
The world passed me by, I heard children cry,
All, as before ...

I saw an old man, his head in his hands,
Looking away ...
He looked so alone, his life almost gone,
So I started to pray ...

This is a war zone, Lord ... this is a war zone, Lord.

From the time I was born, to the time I'll be gone,
I'll have to fight
For my living today, for my ideals, again,
From morning 'til night ...

And the girl I love, who I thought (by Jove)
Was here to stay,
She left me to fight for all that is right,
She went away ...

This is a war zone, Lord ... this is a war zone, Lord.

And if I had the luck that she would come back,
I would not pray
For anything else, if that makes any sense,
To You, again ...

I'd need no more light, no more fights to fight
Ever, you see ...
If that one sweet girl, with her beautiful curls,
Would come back to me ...

This is a war zone, Lord ...

Make it a peaceful world.


THE BAND:


****** Song Summary *************
Title: A War Zone - 2 July 2022
File:A War Zone - 2 July 2022.SGU
Key=A , Tempo 60, Length (m:s)=3:24
2 bar intro, 45 bar chorus, from bar 3 to bar 47. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
Soloist track has 136 notes, Soloist harmony is < no harmony >(0)
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for Key Signature,
Style is _AMMENDS.STY (Ammends 12-String Country Ballad)

RealTracks in style: 2877:Bass, Acoustic, AmericanaSlow16thsByron Ev16 060
RealTracks in style: ~702:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Spirited Ev 065
RealTracks in style: 3109:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm AmericanaFolk16thsLowBrent Ev16 060
RealTracks in style: 3874:Guitar, 12-String Electric, Rhythm BalladPickingBrent Ev16 060
RealDrums in style:AmericanaRoots16th^01-a:Toms, b:Snare

*******************

Mixed with Mixcraft 9 Studio Pro, with a limiter, EQ pre-set, a couple of mastering effects, and that's about it! Thanks again for listening and for any comments!

musician17 #722796 07/02/22 07:46 AM
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James...my thoughts on this song are these...when it began I thought this song is going to be about the pain and injustice in the world and understanding that all of that creates a "war zone" we have to live in, survive and overcome...but then it turned into (no offence) kind of a sappy love song about believing that a lover could create a peaceful world...maybe the children crying and the old man with his head in his hands could be pursued as the message of the song...or else drop that theme entirely and go for the girl...seems to me you took a left turn at verse 4 when if you would have stayed on a straight trajectory you would be on the path to a meaningful song...if you go with the "I wish I could get the girl back" theme the music is apropos...but if you go for the life is "a War Zone" then I would make the music more intense...great title by the way...these thoughts are one guys opinion for what it's worth...there's a diamond in here somewhere...best regards...Dan

Last edited by firesong; 07/02/22 07:48 AM.

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musician17 #722798 07/02/22 08:26 AM
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Thanks, Dan, for your thoughts! I really appreciate that you took the time to listen and comment.

The thing is: didn't St Paul write, in his Letter to the Corinthians, that, without love, we are nothing? That, even if we give our bodies to be sacrificed, but we have no love ... in that case, we are nothing? St John also, in his First Letter, stated that God is love. So I can understand that it may sound a little "sappy", perhaps - but I stand by the meaning of the song, as I tried to state it, which is as follows: the world is a war zone, and only love will fix it, not fighting, however lofty the ideal is that one fights for. I'm not sure that I got that across properly, mind you ... but that was the idea: love, and real, concrete love, not "theoretical" love :-) Does that make any sense? :-)

In any case, again, thank you so much for your thoughts! Never apologise when offering genuine comments, that's why we're all here, right? :-)

P.S. getting the girl back won't save the world, you're right. But it'd save HIS (the character in the song)'s world, right? That's all I'm trying to imply, in the lyrics ... that, if EVERYONE was to fall in love and refuse to fight for whatever else they're fighting for (no matter how lofty the ideal), the world would heal itself and be a better place for us all ... does that make any sense? Anyway, again, thanks for listening!

Last edited by musician17; 07/02/22 08:30 AM.
musician17 #722820 07/02/22 03:49 PM
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James...well said and well defended...that's why I don't write your songs and you don't write mine I guess...now if you could get some of that explanation into the song it would be a diamond indeed :-) ...criticism is like "iron sharpening iron" it can cause sparks to fly but it does sharpen the blade...best wishes! Dan

Last edited by firesong; 07/02/22 03:50 PM.

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musician17 #722839 07/03/22 01:58 AM
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Glad to hear your sing, very nice vibrato, really emotional. The story is simple, but the inviting title and the clear message are effective.
Enjoyable melody is supported by the interesting chord progression with some nice surprises.
Good band and the sax is a perfect choice for the mood.
One of your best, I wouldn't change anything.

Janne


Hear My Music:

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musician17 #722884 07/03/22 08:56 AM
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James,

I like what you've got going here! The combination of speaking/singing works in this! One thing I picked up on that I would be inclined to do, is develop the chorus a bit more when it says "This is a war zone, Lord" I could easily imagine some lines coming in quick succession, saying similar phrases in every bar for about 4 to 8 bars. That's just my style though and it make not be something that fits your idea for the song. Anyway, I feel you've got a nice song here and hope you end up with what you want!

Thanks, Torrey




musician17 #722935 07/03/22 09:18 PM
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Dan: criticism between two normal people such as yourself and, hopefully, myself (haha) is always more than welcome! You are spot on about it sharpening the blade ... what would be the point in looking in the mirror, all the time? Thanks for your insightful words, genuine food for thought, there!

Janne, thank you so much. I really wasn't expecting such positive feedback, on this song. I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for taking the time!!!

Torrey: thank you! I will definitely experiment with it some more, and see if I can do what you suggest! Thanks for listening :-)

musician17 #722941 07/03/22 11:21 PM
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James,
"Looking away ..." proves you have a very nice voice..timbre, tone, and tune.
This is a track where you've begun to SING.
Good lyric, good lyric and good arrangement.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
musician17 #722948 07/04/22 01:22 AM
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Hi, James. I like how you always have implied melodies that you hint at as you add the vocals. So pleasing to listen to your songs. I was kind of with Dan on his assessment of the direction of the lyrics. You are not singing of sappy love but you are writing about the love between a man and a woman. That kind of leaves the life is a war zone idea. Paul was talking more about the love for each other, brotherly love and like that, not about procreation. hehe Here's the last thought on that: sometimes it's BECAUSE of his love for his woman that a man fights most fiercely, so getting the girl might easily extend the war zone.. Ok that out of the way...

I really like the song just as it is. Excellent choice of backing band and I like the sax solo. Your lyrics are always so well written and this is no exception. You always show such vivid imagery.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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musician17 #722972 07/04/22 04:17 AM
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A good combination of spoken word and singing.
As for us you might add a slight reverb on the vocal when singing.
The song is beautiful.

Rob and Anne-Marie


We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

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musician17 #723010 07/04/22 09:11 AM
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James,

A nice write.
I like what Ray had to say - there IS some very nice singing touches in there...


fj

musician17 #723051 07/04/22 08:05 PM
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Thanks so much, everyone.

Ray: yes, I've started to sing a little :-) ... and I intend to continue! Thanks for all the encouragement!

Marty: thanks! I know that the Greeks have seven words for the different kinds of love, but - in English, at least - love is love, haha ... so I'm claiming artistic licence here! ;-) And yes, I hadn't thought of the fact that getting the girl is just the beginning ... but what a nice beginning, right? potential new war, an' all ...

Rob and Anne-Marie: thanks for listening! I always have trouble with adding just the right amount of reverb, but will try (again)! Thanks for the thought :-)

floyd: ok, so if YOU say that my singing has some nice moments, that's a MASSIVE compliment for me - and, what's more, it really encourages me to keep singing. If a singer of your calibre hears something in my voice ... try stopping me singing from now on :-) Seriously, though, thanks :-)

musician17 #723261 07/06/22 02:16 PM
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Loved this song James. The transition from spoken word to your singing voice made this song very special. Excellent lyric. Well done


Scott Collingwood
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musician17 #723382 07/07/22 01:18 PM
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James, your spoken word and vocals are the best you have done to date

Personally I can't think of a thing that would improve this song

I loved that chord progression

Great work here

Loved it


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musician17 #723477 07/09/22 05:58 AM
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Thanks, Scott and Mario!!! Too kind!

musician17 #723508 07/09/22 11:59 AM
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James,

There’s a lot to like on this production. The music tracks are solid and well-mixed, and the vocal is great, soft and resounding in the mix (both when sung and spoken, though I always tend to prefer the former). I think Torrey has a good suggestion on augmenting the chorus—something to think about. A sweet listen!

Hope all is well with you,

Deej

musician17 #723541 07/09/22 07:52 PM
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Thanks Deej!

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