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#724726 07/20/22 02:01 AM
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[ Disclaimer: this is my first posting here, so I hope I follow all the forum rules ]

I've been using BIAB for quite a while, but this is the first time I have a good singer at hand and are no longer limited to pure instrumental music.

Some technical information:
- raw composition done with my old acoustic guitar
- the backing tracks are done with the "Flipside Alt Rock" style, but I have replaced (and added some more) guitars, bass and drums with other Realtracks which I liked more.
- the song was mixed in Cubase 11, some guitars were re-amped, and of course the vocals were added there as well.

I hope you like it, feedback and tips how to improve are very appreciated.

Since I don't have a SoundCloud account (and I have created a video for the song anyway) here's a link to YouTube, I hope that's okay:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ji57-3XW9I

On request: the lyrics, slightly edited because the forum software thinks they're kinda explicit blush

Lyrics: Eleanor Lennox - City Punk Blues

Walking down the city
really bored and looking sh*tty
too much drinks, too much drinks

Waiting for the city
to wake up and to look pretty
too much drinks, too much drinks

Boring loser faces
telling boring loser stories
Empty phrases, empty faces

Do what you want
I don't listen anymore
You're a f*cking waste of time
a beautiful decor to ignore
to ignore, to ignore, to ignore, to ignore

Leaving things behind me
nasty people who did blind me
on my own, all alone

Searching for my friends
who told me things are getting better
they're not here, they are gone

Avoiding all the places
where they hurt me, gave me grazes
dude it hurts to hear those words

Do what you want
I won't listen anymore
I will never look back
and make the same mistakes as before
as before, anymore, anymore, anymore

Coming back my city
I feel better, I feel pretty
I am free, like a bird

Rocking all the places
looking at the smiling faces
have a drink, have a flirt

Having friends who really care
and just are there
I'm not going, never leaving

Do what you want
I won't listen anymore
I will never look back
and make the same mistakes as before
as before, anymore, anymore, anymore
Maybe one more time...

Walking down the city
really bored and looking sh*tty
too much drinks, too much drinks

Waiting for the city
to wake up and to look pretty
too much drinks, too much drinks

Boring loser faces
telling boring loser stories
Empty phrases, empty faces

Do what you want
I don't listen anymore
You're a f*cking waste of time
a beautiful decor to ignore
to ignore, to ignore, to ignore, to ignore
to ignore

Backstory of the song: when a relationship breaks one or sometimes both partners leave behind most of their buddies and sometimes even close friends or family.
After the wounds are healed they meet new people, find new friends and are ready to start a new relationship.
And do the same mistakes again...

Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 07/24/22 09:43 AM. Reason: Backstory added

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Lyrically the crippled grammar of "too much drinks" on repeat wasn't a great start for my ears.
"Too many drinks" or "Too much to drink" would be correct but neither fit your three syllables melody.
Similarly "a beautiful decor" is a bit clunky.
The vocal sits high in the mix and seems to have a fair whack of reverb compared to the band's room.
Musically you need to shift gear somewhere either in dynamics, key or vocal performance as the song starts as as promising and ten chugs along in the one direction.
LOTS of potential though.


Cheers
rayc
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BDT.
welcome.
have i got the right vid ? woman singing lead vocs ?

who did the vocs ? they are v v good.

happiness.

om


New Song "PRETTY GIRL" for my wife...Dec 2023
(my vocs....mixed for good earbuds.)
https://soundcloud.com/alfsongs/prettygirlrbfinalcalfsongsdec2023mp3
(and rock song THE STALLION and bluegrass song... BANKER MAN....90 songs useing bb/rb.)
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I didn't find any problems with this song.
I liked the vocal and lyrics.
Great animation.
I thought the mix was OK also

Two thumbs up


Me, it's not about how many times you fail, it's about how many times you get back up.
Cop, that's not how field sobriety tests work.

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Very nice! Did you use iClone for the animation?

I like the sparse arrangement and the Dolores/Cranberries sounding backing vocals!

Rob


We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/


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Originally Posted By: rayc
Lyrically the crippled grammar of "too much drinks" on repeat wasn't a great start for my ears.
"Too many drinks" or "Too much to drink" would be correct but neither fit your three syllables melody.
Similarly "a beautiful decor" is a bit clunky.

Wow, that's exactly the feedback I was hoping for...thanks a lot, rayc
I'm not a native speaker, so I'm never 100% sure whether a phrase makes sense or is complete bullshit. In German there's a speaking that people like to "decorate" themselves with beautiful partners, so my assumption was that this translates well, which it obviously doesn't...lesson learned!

"too much drinks" is actually a mistake I shouldn't have made because I know that it's wrong. I guess when you brain is in "creative mode" it doesn't check grammar, and once that phrase was established in my subconsciousness I never questioned it.
I think in the future I'll better post my lyrics in the songwriting forum first...both mistakes could have easily been fixed in the early phases of the song.

Originally Posted By: rayc
The vocal sits high in the mix and seems to have a fair whack of reverb compared to the band's room.

Actually the initial version had less reverb to give the song more punk feeling, but I didn't like it. I think when I bring the vocals down a dB or three it'll be less obvious. I'll try that.

Originally Posted By: rayc
Musically you need to shift gear somewhere either in dynamics, key or vocal performance as the song starts as as promising and ten chugs along in the one direction.
LOTS of potential though.

I have to think a bit about this. Punk isn't known for lots of musical variation, on the other hand the song is technically punk-pop, so more variation is something to consider.

Again, thanks LOT to take the time to listen to the song and to write your feedback. I really appreciated this a lot!

Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 07/21/22 06:42 AM.

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B.D.,

I found the overall sound of the song captivating. I like it.
I thought the repeated phrases were very effective.
The vocal is quite interesting. Is that computer generated? Or real? I actually cannot tell... and, I like it, too.
I wished that you had listed the RealTracks used - I wanted to know what the chunking guitar is (without having to search for it myself smile )

The drums could be quite a bit louder - especially for a punk song...

Welcome to the Showcase.

fj

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This has a good vibe. I love punk in any form.
I would remix, have the drums louder, put a heavier guitar on it.
The vocal is charming.
A great first track.

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Cool video and entertaining lyric!

We love the line (paraphrased) “I won’t make the same mistakes as before, any more, any more - maybe one more time” smile

Hey don't worry about the language issues ... there are folks here from all over the planet.

Excellent vocals and band.

Maybe a wee bit more drum volume??

Kudo’s and welcome to the forum!

J&B

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Originally Posted By: B.D.Thomas

I have to think a bit about this. Punk isn't known for lots of musical variation, on the other hand the song is technically punk-pop, so more variation is something to consider.

Straight out of the gate 76+ UK punk and Ramones style are constant but very fast.
Your song is much more of a pop punk song as you say...they do employ dynamics...loud quiet, faster/slower etc.
You could simply add an extra layer to the arrangement for the choruses..say a choppy piano or a 12 string...to add some dynamics or strip one of the guitars from the verses...the choice & options are endless in the mixing & BIAB provides all the options you'd like...perhaps just once before a chorus all instruments hit and hold a note/chord for a bar or even half a bar.


Cheers
rayc
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[ got finally some time to answer the questions ]

Originally Posted By: justanoldmuso
BDT.
welcome.
have i got the right vid ? woman singing lead vocs ?


Yep, that's the correct video. Whenever I find the time I try to create a video for my songs.
And thanks a lot for your feedback!


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Originally Posted By: MarioD
I didn't find any problems with this song.
I liked the vocal and lyrics.
Great animation.
I thought the mix was OK also
Two thumbs up


Thanks a lot for your nice feedback, Mario.


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Originally Posted By: RnAM
Very nice! Did you use iClone for the animation?

Yes. I tried for months to get reasonably lip-synced animations from DAZ Studio until I discovered iClone.
It's not cheap, but it saves me a ton of time and the results are already okay-ish for a newbie with this software.

Originally Posted By: RnAM
I like the sparse arrangement and the Dolores/Cranberries sounding backing vocals!
Rob

Ah, Dolores...I miss her voice soooo much. "Ode To My Family" is one of my all-time favorite songs, and the vocal harmonies are the main reason for this.
Your comment means a lot for me.
Thanks!


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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
B.D.,

I found the overall sound of the song captivating. I like it.
I thought the repeated phrases were very effective.
The vocal is quite interesting. Is that computer generated? Or real? I actually cannot tell... and, I like it, too.
I wished that you had listed the RealTracks used - I wanted to know what the chunking guitar is (without having to search for it myself smile )

The drums could be quite a bit louder - especially for a punk song...

Welcome to the Showcase.

fj


Thanks you for your nice words and the feedback, floyd.
I'm normally a bit conservative with drums, but I guess you're right, could be a bit more.

The guitar tracks are:
Intro:
3931 (left) and 4100 (right)
Additionally from bar 9:
3642 (left) and 634 (right)
3921 (left) and 3931 (right)
Bass guitar:
1255

The bass and (I think) one 3931 and the 3621 were re-amped, the bass to make it better audible on small speakers and the guitars to have better left/right separation between the channels.


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Hi B.D.
Interesting song
In any case well done
Also the video turned out well
So I liked it
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

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Originally Posted By: japokeapeg
This has a good vibe. I love punk in any form.
I would remix, have the drums louder, put a heavier guitar on it....


...and then it would be a rock song grin

But I guess you guys are right, I'm a bit too conservative with the drums and the guitars.

For me it's all about the vocals (psst, don't tell the guitar player) and when in doubt I err on the side of the vocals. Probably too much with this song...

Thanks a lot for your feedback!


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Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud
Cool video and entertaining lyric!

We love the line (paraphrased) “I won’t make the same mistakes as before, any more, any more - maybe one more time” smile

Hey don't worry about the language issues ... there are folks here from all over the planet.

Excellent vocals and band.

Maybe a wee bit more drum volume??

Kudo’s and welcome to the forum!

J&B


Thanks a lot for the warm welcome and your feedback, Janice & Bud.


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Originally Posted By: PROJECT M
Hi B.D.
Interesting song
In any case well done
Also the video turned out well
So I liked it
Many greetings
Andi ;-)


Thanks a lot, Andi.

And greetings back from good ol' Germany smile


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Hey,

I think this sounds great, especially for a first post.

It is super to have another pop writer hanging around--and I love the overall sound!

So welcome to the forum, and I have a few questions. (If I am not prying.)

Is this you singing? Are you in a band? Do we address you as Eleanor? Is this your stage name? What instruments do you play? How long have you been writing? I see you posted the real tracks so that is great. Can you post the lyrics?? smile

Well, great work, love the sound, and again, welcome.

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Hello B.D., and welcome to the forum! I think you've got a nice sound here. Although our types of music are quite different I also consistently mix the drums with not enough volume. The folks here have been very helpful while I've been trying to learn mixing, something I'm very new at. If it helps, near the top of posts is one called "The Birth Of A Song." It takes you through the entire writing, recording and posting process and is done by one of the members here, Floyd Jane. At around 50 to 55 minutes into it he talks about posting the song to the forum and what is normally posted with it. Basically it's the title of the song, the story behind or idea for the song, the link to the song, the words and the Biab tracks that were used. I don't know that it's a hard and fast rule, but it can be very helpful to other users in both critiquing your song and in providing ideas and inspiration in their own writing and recording. Also, I personally like listening to PG Radio. I pick the genre that I most closely identify with and listen to that. Not only do I like the music in general, but it can be a way of identifying a particular Biab sound that I'd like to put into one of my songs. I hope that you also critique others music on here, sounds like you would have a lot to offer. Welcome, I think you'll enjoy it.

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