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Joined: Dec 2009
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I don't wish to be morbid by posting a topic about this, but I'm sure other people have been in the same situation and I would genuinely like to hear how other bands have coped. Recently, a very close friend of mine and a member of my band, was tragically killed in a car accident - he was only 39. The band members had all been close friends for many years, but have only been playing in a band together for about 4 years. We are all still reeling from the shock of losing a friend, but are also thinking of the practicalities of the band going forward. We were a 4 piece covers band playing 80s/90s pop and pop-rock. The friend we had lost played bass and sang some songs (he was not the main vocalist though). The other members of the band are: keytar + vocals, guitar + vocals, drums. The options that we have discussed are: (1) Recruit another bass player. This is not particularly attractive as we started the band as a way for friends to get together, playing music was somewhat secondary (although I think we sound pretty decent for an amateur band!) Also it might be very difficult to find another band member with the same mindset as the rest of us (ie with regards to reliability and rehearsing). (2) Pre-record the bass line with Band in a Box (or similar) and use that in a our performance. The drummer would then have to play along with a click track. This option is also not appealing to us - we like being "live" and don't want to be constricted to a backing track. (3) The keytar player (who is me!) could play a regular keyboard and split the keyboard to play bass in the left hand and lead in the right hand. As I already sing most of the songs, this would really increase my workload - I'm not sure if I could pull off playing bass, lead and vocals at the same time. Also, I would probably need to get another keyboard as my keytar cannot be split (ie can only play 1 patch at a time). (4) Change our song selection to match current band members - ie choose songs where we don't need a bass. For instance, we played "Champagne Supernova" at the funeral as a tribute, using just 1 acoustic guitar, drums and vocals. (5) Disband the band completely (not really an option - we want to keep playing in some capacity!) So as you can see, there aren't any easy options, although we are probably leaning towards #4. I'd be interested to hear any comments anyone may have on this subject 
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Joined: May 2000
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It is said that, "Time heals all wounds."
Maybe if you give it a bit more time, circumstances will fall into place that will make it better or easier to come up with either one of your listed solutions, or maybe one you have not thought of yet.
My condolences.
--Mac
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Joined: Jan 2013
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Expert
Joined: Jan 2013
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I'll chime in....
Coming from someone who has no desire in being in a band again for many reasons.
I'm not fond of any of the choices either but, as many of us have experienced, that's part of the business of music.
Stuff (incorrect spelling) happens and we must adapt and overcome if I may use the cliche.
Me...I'd much prefer having a bass player that can sing lead/bv's comfortably.
So, my first choice would be to ask around, check the music store bulletin boards or check out a couple local bands for anyone they might recommend.
I know the BS and auditioning sucks that's for sure but finding the compatible talent will require some sacrifice.
If it happens to take to long then I'd re-visit the other alternatives.
More importantly, be sure remaining members are on the same business/goals page...crucial.
Take that for what it's worth.
I"m sorry for the loss of your musician friend and band mate.
Carry on....
Last edited by chulaivet1966; 02/13/13 07:26 PM.
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Anonymous
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I would find another bass player and keep on going. Why? I am 100% sure your late friend would want it that way. Find the best picture of him you can find, have it blown up as far as you can, frame it, and set it on the stage with you every gig. Take a moment and share with the audience that you are playing in your friend's memory.
You can keep him alive in your hearts and memories.
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Joined: Dec 2001
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 649 |
I was in a blue grass gospel band and the lead singer died. He was only in his 40's. We were all close and still are. After about 3 months, we tried to replace him but things were not the same so we gradually disbanded. We are all still good friends. None of us has played in another band since. I sang at one of the members of the band at his church. He is the preacher. I used sound tracks that I made with with BIAB and Realband. I sing all the harmonies on the track and sang lead in person. This is the way I do my singing now that my friend passed away. occ
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Very similar situation here as we played together for 20 plus years, went our separate ways because life takes us in different directions sometime. After both retiring we got back together briefly before Charlie's passing.
Because of my age (old guy) I just moved on to playing solo gigs. With this said if I were younger as in your situation I would first take some time to reflect on all the good times, then when you feel it is time to move on I would start auditioning bass players.
But I promise you this, there will many many instances when you will either hear one of his licks, or even better feel him with you on stage.
Hang in there,
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Joined: Dec 2009
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OP
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Thanks everyone for your responses, it has given me something to think about!
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Joined: Jun 2006
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Been through this more than once. I'd keep the band as is and use the keyboard player.
It's like losing a family member. You often become very close friends with band members or even if you're just a duo. It hurts like hell when one of them passes on, but you've just got to cope, carry on and full fill your obligations
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Look at it this way - you never know who is out there. If you search for a new bass player you might just find the right person, make a new friend and keep the band going in the same familiar format.
If the search proves to be fruitless, you still have all the other options open to you and at least you'll know then that this is the only way to go.
Sorry to hear of your tragic loss.
ROG.
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Joined: Oct 2008
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Quote:
Recently, a very close friend of mine and a member of my band, was tragically killed in a car accident -
I'm very sorry to hear this... this has potential to really change your life.
I don't have any suggestions, though. The really magical human interactions like a great marriage or the rare friend who walks beside you through life... those relationships are hard to plan for. Just as one woman in 10,000 might be the perfect mate, the idea of auditioning for a friend seems kind of bizarre. He was more than a band mate, after all. You can easily find another musician, but not every musician will fit in as a friend.
Please keep us posted.
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CapnStoobie:
So sorry for your loss. Like several others here, I too lost a dear friend, an unfortunate auto accident. Not only was he a friend, he was (is) my older brother. We still miss him dearly, as you can imagine.
I have a couple of suggestions:
1. Before auditioning "random" bass players, check to see if there's someone you, or all of you in the band, already know, that may be willing to play. Also, perhaps there is someone else in his family or in one of your families that you could use. There may be a better chance of finding someone with "the same mind set" among people you may already know.
2. If that doesn't work, pick the most likely from your auditioning that you feel good about, and then make him(/her) your new friend. Do things with him, get to know him, invite him to things other than gigs and practices. He will never replace your original friend but he can become another one.
Best of luck in your decision, and don't stop playing.
The world needs more music, less of other things.
LLOYD S
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