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Hi All, I wrote this song for my Father (who passed away before I wrote it) who never knew I was into songwriting. This is my first attempt at writing a Country song so be gentle with me  I used RealBand (and boy that Realband is having FUN) Let me know what you think (I know the mix could be better but am interested what you think about the song) Here it is: Daddy Went Away Regards Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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George,
The song seems to have a lot of the elements of a country song, but the vox were not very clear, so it was hard to tell what was happening lyrically. Maybe you could post the lyrics so we can get a better idea of the mood of the song.
The title would indicate a sad song, or one of regret sorta like an old Hank williams song, but the beat and melody sound upbeat, so the listener may have trouble determining how to interpret the song.
Because it's such an upbeat tempo and flavor, it sounds very busy in the background.
hope this helps.
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Hi toucher, Here is the words to the song: Daddy Went Away Lyrics It was just a rough and ready test to see if I could do a country kind of song. My Dad just loved country and I thought it would be nice to send him a song.  Regards Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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Nice job for a first song. The vocal has extreme amount of reverb to my ear. The guitar picking was nice. Remember in any song, with the exception of an instrumental piece the vocal is the main subject. Every word should be clear and precise. You are telling your story to the audience. I know that mixing the vocal in is hard because I am still learning everytime I do a new song, it seems each one presents its own set of rules. It seems for every step forward you take 2 back. But keep on singing and writing. You do have talent. Thanks for sharing! God bless! Listen To My MusicRead My BlogMy Web PageReverbnation
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
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george,
i liked it but i agree that the tempo is too fast if you intended it to be a sad song. also, your vox sounds like you are out of your 'comfort zone' especially on the ending. you might want to take it down 2 semitones and get to your 'sweet spot.' i enjoyed the lyric and guitar break. more please.
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Hi George.......
The lyrics of your song seem to indicate that a son and father had an argument, and then the father died. The son is expressing his sense of regret that they fought. Is that about right?
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Hi PgFantastic, Don Gaynor & toucher,
Thank you for you constructive comments.
I will take what you say onboard. The reason it is uptempo is that my Father just loved uptempo Country songs.
Yes my Father and I did have a fight. I wrote this song as a way to express my regret.
Regards
Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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It's a good start Michee, and the song and its sentiment are worth more work.
To do your song justice you need a better vocal with virtually no reverb (unlike the cavernous one you have at present) which would better convey the song's intimacy and personal nature. There are also some good tips above from the other guys, which will help you get where you want to be with this one.
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Not that I have any great expertise here, but I will offer a few comments.
First of all, definitely slow it down. At the current tempo, you just can't convey the sadness of departure. I would try initially changing to a slower tempo for the accompaniment and then re-recording the vocal at the slower tempo. I think the melody will stand at the slower tempo, but I would definitely give it a try.
Second, take another look at the lyrics. They seem strained in places (like you were just trying to make them rhyme, such as "Remember when we fought about not a great lot"). Also, I think you need to take another look at the 2nd verse to make sure that's what you want to say and how you want to say it. PM me if you want my original reaction to it.
Also, don't switch between second and third person ("you" versus "he/him"). That makes it sound like you could be talking about two different people. I think it would be more powerful if it comes across as you talking "TO" him, rather than thinking "ABOUT" him, since the song is about what you wanted to tell him, anyway.
I apologize if this came across as somewhat insensitive; if so, that was not my intent at all. I hope I'm only offering constructive criticism, so that when you finish your song, it is one that the listener can hear and understand the pain you've gone through.
John Laptop-HP Omen I7 Win11Pro 32GB 12TB SSD Desktop-ASUS-I7 Win10Pro 32GB 12TB SATA BB2026/UMC204HD&404HD/Casios/Cakewalk/Reaper/Studio One/Notion/Dorico/Noteworthy/NI/Halion/IK http://www.sus4chord.com (under rehosting/construction)
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Way too many lyrics. You've got to say it in 2 verses and a chorus. Find a good hook line.
Start from scratch with the music. 60 BPM
Leave LOTS of space in the music. Let Bass , Drums and acoustic guitar carry the rhythm. Alternate fills with Piano and Steel.
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I think it's a tremendous first effort.
Digital recording makes easy things that were difficult for experienced musicians not so long ago (and RB makes it so much fun), so it's easy to go overboard. One of the hardest things for any writer to learn is how to pare down--words, music, concepts. James Taylor is utterly brilliant at this. Songwriters in any genre would benefit from studying his lyrics. He does at least one straight-ahead country song every couple of albums. Along with the masters of country, give JT a listen.
Meanwhile, you alone know what you have to say. IMO, the act of creation is more important than your or anyone else's opinion of what is created (as long as it's done with integrity). Take quantitative criticism for what it's worth, but don't worry about whether anyone likes the thing. Just keep writing.
Thanks for sharing. That took courage. Hope we'll hear another one from you soon.
R.
"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."
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One of the most important elements of song writing is to follow the cadence or patern in the song with the words. One of the most glaring examples of this in country music was Tammy Wynette's "Stand by your man" In this song the words and melody are in almost perfect sync. Allowing the listener to almost instantly jump right in. If the words come to frequent and rapid for the melody notes, it gets cluttered. This was and is a challenge for me. I am slowly learning how to do this.
HP Win 11 12 gig ram, Mac mini Sonoma with 16 gig of ram, BiaB/RB 2026, Reaper 7, Harrison Mixbus 11 , Presonus Audiobox USB96
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Hi Skyline, jford, silvertones, Ryszard & Robh, Thank you all for your comments. Remember this was my first attempt at a country song, and I will take all that you have advised on board. I will attempt to re-write and hone (is that a word?) the song. It was just a quick no-brainer that took about 20 minutes to write, so not a lot of thought went into it. I just wrote what I felt.  I will re-post when I have given it more thought (hope that's within my lifetime ) Regards Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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Very good 1st attempt, you are on your way especially since you are taking into consideration the fine advise offered above. I am already looking forward to the next cut.
Later,
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Remember you have to be happy with it to, as it carries your emotions in it
HP Win 11 12 gig ram, Mac mini Sonoma with 16 gig of ram, BiaB/RB 2026, Reaper 7, Harrison Mixbus 11 , Presonus Audiobox USB96
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You know what this reminds me of?
"Ashes of Love" - Up tempo sad songs are nothing new - "Oh Lonesome Me" by Don Gibson comes to mind right off.
This just needs a better vocal track and mix out about half the instrumentation. Tighten it up is all. Unless you were going for that live small club sound that sounds a bit busy.
As far as the writing goes - I like the repeats of Oh I'm on my own. Some of the rhymes are a 'little hard' night right - that sort.
For the first it's a jewel though. My first was "I Hate Vicki Welch's Guts and Want Her To Die."
Keep writing!
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Hi poppa willis, I hear what you are saying and thank you for taking the time to give advise. Quote:
For the first it's a jewel though. My first was "I Hate Vicki Welch's Guts and Want Her To Die."
Your comment above had me in stiches HaHa
Regards
Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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Quote:
For the first it's a jewel though. My first was "I Hate Vicki Welch's Guts and Want Her To Die."
Keep writing!
Hey wait a minute! I married Vickie Welch . . . . but I have to admit now I hate her guts too!
Later,
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