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Joined: Sep 2003
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FROM A SASKATCHEWAN FARM KID,
NOW AT CAMP SHILO' A CANADIAN ARMY TRAINING DEPOT.
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.
It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot.
The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training.
You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in SilverLake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: May 2000
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Hoot!
thanks, John, needed that...
--Mac
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Joined: Aug 2000
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And she only beat him once?  The punch line ending was the best ever. Thanks John. You just made my day.
Russ Anyday above ground is a good day Computer is Hp Pavillion Vision 6 Ghz quad core AMD processor 8 Gig memory 1 TB hard drive 6 GB hard drive Windows 7 Premium Loose nut behind the keyboard 
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Joined: Jan 2006
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The last time I read that, the kid was from the hills of Tennessee. Still funny.
Don s.
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 207
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 207 |
You've probably heard about the banjo/trombone duo who were offered a New Year's Eve gig. After it was over, the manager said he'd like to book them for the following year.
"OK, but can we leave our instruments here?"
And how to get a double bass to play in tune: chop it up and turn it into a xylophone.
Mike Laatz
Mike Laatz
Cape Town
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,122
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,122 |
I vote we make John director of laughs for the forum.
toucher.
Very cool and funny.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 99
Enthusiast
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Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 99 |
I liked:
"and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home"
he hee
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Joined: Jan 2002
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That's an oldie, but a definite goodie. 'Your daughter, Gail' always cracks me up.  Gary
I'm blessed watching God do what He does best. I've had a few rough years, and I'm still not back to where I want to be, but I'm on the way and things are looking far better now than what they were!
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: May 2000
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Joined: May 2000
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Quote:
Ellie May Clampett?????
What boy from our generation would have turned down a chance to wrassle with Donna Douglas?
Win, lose or draw at the wrasslin', that would have been a win-win situation.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Joined: Dec 2007
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For sure Mac, for sure. She always out-wrestled Jethro too. 
Cheers,
Keith
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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Last Chance! The Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® Special Ends Today (May 31, 2026) at 11:59pm PDT!
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Holiday Weekend Hours
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Monday, May 18: 8:00am - 4:00pm
Regular hours resume Tuesday, May 19th!
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Our new country & Americana RealTracks deliver a rich collection of acoustic, electric, and roots-inspired styles! We have new country pop (9) with legendary guitarist Brent Mason. There is also a potpourri (14) of bouzouki, guitars, banjo, and more, perfect for adding texture and character to contemporary acoustic arrangements. We’ve added funky country guitar (5) with PG favorite Brent Mason, along with classic pedal steel styles (5) featuring steel great Doug Jernigan. There are more country songwriter styles (8) that provide intimate, rootsy foundations for storytelling and modern Americana writing. Finally, we have “background soloing” acoustic guitar (12) with Brent Mason — simpler, but still very tasty acoustic lines designed to sit beautifully behind vocals or act as a subtle standalone solo part.
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- MIDI Styles Set 92: Look Ma! More MIDI 15: Latin Jazz
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- Artist Performance Set 19: Songs with Vocals 9
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