Not that I have any great expertise here, but I will offer a few comments.

First of all, definitely slow it down. At the current tempo, you just can't convey the sadness of departure. I would try initially changing to a slower tempo for the accompaniment and then re-recording the vocal at the slower tempo. I think the melody will stand at the slower tempo, but I would definitely give it a try.

Second, take another look at the lyrics. They seem strained in places (like you were just trying to make them rhyme, such as "Remember when we fought about not a great lot"). Also, I think you need to take another look at the 2nd verse to make sure that's what you want to say and how you want to say it. PM me if you want my original reaction to it.

Also, don't switch between second and third person ("you" versus "he/him"). That makes it sound like you could be talking about two different people. I think it would be more powerful if it comes across as you talking "TO" him, rather than thinking "ABOUT" him, since the song is about what you wanted to tell him, anyway.

I apologize if this came across as somewhat insensitive; if so, that was not my intent at all. I hope I'm only offering constructive criticism, so that when you finish your song, it is one that the listener can hear and understand the pain you've gone through.

John

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