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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,199
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,199 |
Hi All, Here is a link to the song : Daddy Went Away have patience it will load. I took various advice from the following: Quote:
Toucher - it sounds very busy in the background.
I changed the style and reduced the instruments.
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PgFantastic - The vocal has extreme amount of reverb to my ear.
I recorded the vocal without reverb.
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Don Gaynor - the tempo is too fast - also, your vox sounds like you are out of your 'comfort zone' especially on the ending. you might want to take it down 2 semitones
I reduced the tempo and took my vox down a whole tone.
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Skyline - To do your song justice you need a better vocal with virtually no reverb
I can't promise a better vocal - just different 
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Jford - take another look at the lyrics
I changed the lyrics.
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Silvertones - Way too many lyrics. You've got to say it in 2 verses and a chorus.
I reduced the lyrics and the song length - 2 verses - chorus - inst. - 1/2 verse to finish
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Robh - If the words come to frequent and rapid for the melody notes, it gets cluttered.
I hope it isn't cluttered now.
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Poppa Willis - This just needs a better vocal track and mix out about half the instrumentation.
As above - vocal just different and less instruments.
Well, let me know how it sounds now please, I can take it.
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,926
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,926 |
Your remix constitutes the most dramatic improvement between two takes of a song I have ever heard on this site, period. You took the spirit of what was said to heart and executed the changes beautifully.
I have no criticism of the piece or its performance. The only suggestion I can make comes under the heading of mastering. I would like the overall level of the song to be higher. I may want to hear more of your vocal after that, but I'd like to hear the whole thing a little punchier first.
You are clearly comfortable with the tempo and range of the vocals. The background is clean, letting the lyrics stand out like a gem in its setting. Can you feel how the sparseness of the arrangement creates a tension in the story? I was almost leaning forward, waiting to hear how it came out.
Excellent job.
R.
"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."
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Joined: Dec 2003
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much improved. way to go, amigo!
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Wow! Man did you pull this baby together. Other than what's been said above, I'll only add that on the first listen I heard the song, but after the improvements I can now feel the song.
Great Job!
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Joined: May 2003
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Now you're on to it! Good job. Takes courage and a strong sense of self to be able to do what you did. Keep it up.
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Joined: Dec 2000
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Hi, George -
Much better! Good job with all the changes.
John Laptop-HP Omen I7 Win11Pro 32GB 2x2TB, 1x4TB SSD Desktop-ASUS-I7 Win10Pro 32GB 2x1.5TB, 2x2TB, 1x4TB SATA BB2025/UMC404HD/Casios/Cakewalk/Reaper/Studio One/MixBus/Notion/Finale/Dorico/Noteworthy/NI/Halion/IK http://www.sus4chord.com
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 177
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 177 |
Very very much improved!
Now find a lass to do some harmony on the "Ooooo I'm on my Own" line.
Very nicely done.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 235 |
Change the solo instrument and I think you've about got it. That solo guitar is too bright and too many notes; it alters the mood of the song. A mellower, sparser, instrument would be better.
Finally, you don't really need two tags at the end. I'd get rid of the middle tag if it were my song.
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Joined: Dec 2002
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OP
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Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to help with the advice on this song. Hervey Gerst,- I have changed the solo instrument as you advised (it's now a Fiddle, I tried Pedal Steel but it just didn't sound right - maybe the simple chord selection has something to do with that). Can you explain in more detail about what you mean : Quote:
"Finally, you don't really need two tags at the end. I'd get rid of the middle tag if it were my song"
As you will percieve, this is new to me.
I will repost the song when I have the time.
Thanks again
Michee
P.S. Just look at my signature below and you will understand.
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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Was thinking "this needs some Fiddle fills" when I read you had changed the solo to a Fiddle.
Still haven't heard the Fiddle yet, but what you have done so far sounds fantastic.
The fingerpick'n gets monotaneous (sp?), needs another instrument to fill in places, IMO.
No Fiddle eh?
The Guitar solo sounds good, it "jumps" out in the mix though, IMO. You could solo the whole song, then cut out the "major" parts for some fills here and there. Guitar or Fiddle, something other then FP Guitar to help break up the repeating Fingerpick'n.
Vocal sounds good to me, mix sounds 90% there. Just need to add some fills here and there, IMO.
I liked the song, you are gifted. Thanks for sharing.
Trax
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Apprentice
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Posts: 262 |
Wonderful rework. Tweak the instrumental and you've got it.
I'm likin' it now
The Powderman
Learning something new everyday
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Apprentice
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Quote:
Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to help with the advice on this song.
Hervey Gerst, Can you explain in more detail about what you mean : Quote:
"Finally, you don't really need two tags at the end. I'd get rid of the middle tag if it were my song"
Right now, you sing the "Ohh, I'm on my own" twice at the end of the song, followed by: "Ohh, I loved you so".
In the music business, the second time you sing "Ohh, I'm on my own" and the following "Ohh, I loved you so" are called "tags". I don't think you need that first repeat. Either don't do it, or else overdo it. Slowly fade out, singing over and over, "Ohh, I'm on my own", and just before the music disappears, add the last, "Ohh, I loved you so".
And bring up your vocal about 3 dB overall for the whole song.
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Nice job on making so many changes. Stay with it.
Sundance
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Hi Harvey Gerst, I will take your advice and try a different ending, bring up the vox.
To all others who have listened to my song, thank you for your ideas.
Regards
Michee
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2024 1111, Realband 2024
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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