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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079
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Veteran
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079 |
A man goes to the doctor and the doc tells him to take all his clothes of and stand in front of the window with his tongue out. The man does it but asks why. The doc says because I hate the bloke that lives opposite.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
Did you hear about the Irish ( Polish ) woodworm ? they found it in a brick
Irish have a new invention. A waterproof tea-bag
Hear about the Irish Kamikazi pilot ? He's just returned from his 50th mission
Did you hear about the Irish fly fisherman ? He caught a 10lb bluebottle
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317 |
Don, regarding clean jokes. Check out the Readers Digest "Laughter The Best Medicine". It is in paperback and contains over 600 jokes, gags, and laugh lines for all occaisions. It it great because some of the jokes can easily be made a little risque' but still in good taste. I have the 1999 edition (second hand book store$2.00)and what I did was type a particular joke in the memo section of the song I was going to play and made it part of my program, Its ISBN number is 0-89577-977-3. DennisD
There are only 3 kinds of musicians: those that can count, and those that can't!
PC AMD A4-5300 APU 3.4 GHz, 8gb RAM, 1T HDD, Windows 10,
Reaper 4.77, BIAB2018, PTPA12, RB2018, Roland VS-880 DAW
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913 |
Don,
I'm sure you're young enough to know Henny Youngman. Most of his were clean.
Take my wife,
please!
-Scott
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy" Edinburgh "
When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589 |
a irishman scotsman englishman and a welshman were captured by the germans and put on a plane.they were each told they could have one request before leaping out of the plane.The irishman said he'd like to sing the national anthem and then leapt out of the plane.The scotsman said the same and also leapt out of the plane and when it came to the welshman he asked them to shoot the englishman before he sang the national anthem then he leapt out of the plane
AMD Athlon 7550 dual core
processor 2.51 ghz
1 87 gb ram
windows 7 Ultimate
yamaha rev 500 effects
tacam DP-24 DAW
Samson Resolv NF monitors
Yamaha PSR-620 Keyboard
Fender semi accoustic guitar
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238 |
I found a solution for my baldness: "Preparation H". It doesn't make hair grow, but it would shrink my head so the hair on the sides can cover the top.
Booboom!
2008 Gibson ES-339 Custom & 2010 Les Paul Traditional. Fender SCXD Amp
BIAB/RB 2015 UltraPAK + Ketron SD2
Windows 7/64 Intel i5 3550 PC, Tascam USB144MKII
Behringer X1204 Mixer
Bose Companion 3 and/or L1 II w/T1 + SM58 MIC
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79
Enthusiast
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Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79 |
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610
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Veteran
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610 |
Quote:
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
LOL - good one!!!
Cheers, Mike My Music * Asus ROG Strix G15CF 32 GB DDR4 4TB HDD + 1 TB SSD NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 8GB Win 11 AKAI EIE PRO Sound Interface. BIAB/RB 2024 UltraPak Build - Latest
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
nurse to new patient: "just press the call button if you don't want to be disturbed for an hour or so."
john conley, the patient, was improving until he took a turn for the nurse.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
My father was a magician..... he could walk down the street and turn into a pub. 
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
A drunk stumbled out of a bar and saw his mother-in-law walking down the street with a duck under her arm.
"Hey", he said, "Where did you get the pig?"
She replied "You're drunk... it's not a pig.... it's a duck "
He replied "Shut up... I was talking to the duck"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
keith, then you're a fellow irishman!? lol
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
Veteran
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OP
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.” The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’”
The teacher fainted…
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
You'd never want to discuss the nurses with me...Mom was, the ex wife was, and at least 20 g/f's were. I used to date the entire nursing school. It was close to my house and there were 200 of them. Show up on Friday at 4 with Dad's car out front of the Nursing Residence and fill up the car, off to the Roller Rink, a drive in restaurant after. Like shootin' fish in a Barrel.
If you can't get a date, get a nurse.
The rest I can't tell here...LOL.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
1) One day a man arrived home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up" she purred, "and you can do anything you want". So he tied her up and went gofing.
2) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.
3) A woman came home, screeching her car into the garage and ran into the house. She shouted on the top of her lungs "Honey, I won the lottery, pack your bags.I won the lottery". The husband said "Oh my god, what should I pack, where are we going? Mountain or Beach, cold or warm?". "Doesnt matter", she said, "Just get out"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,612
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Veteran
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,612 |
No man is complete until he is married
..then he's finished.
I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome
Make your sound your own!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
It's a three ring circus.... engagement RING, wedding RING, and suffeRING
Cheers,
Keith
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Off-Topic
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439 |
Two word for a perfect marriage (Husband speaking): "Yes dear".
--=-- My credo: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing - just ask my missus, she'll tell ya  --=--You're only paranoid if you're wrong!
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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2026 Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK for Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
With your version 2026 for Mac Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, Audiophile Edition or PlusPAK purchase, we'll include a Bonus PAK full of great new Add-ons for FREE! Or upgrade to the 2026 49-PAK for only $49 to receive even more NEW Add-ons including 20 additional RealTracks!
These PAKs are loaded with additional add-ons to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box®!
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-For UltraPAK customers, this includes 12 new RealStyles.
- MIDI Styles Set 92: Look Ma! More MIDI 15: Latin Jazz
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 46: Piano & Organ
- Instrumental Studies Set 24: Groovin' Blues Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 19: Songs with Vocals 9
- Playable RealTracks Set 5
- RealDrums Stems Set 9: Cool Brushes
- SynthMaster Sounds Set 1 (with audio demos)
- iOS Android Band-in-a-Box® App
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- 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums with 20 RealStyle.
- FLAC Files (lossless audio files) for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums
- MIDI Styles Set 93: Look Ma! More MIDI 16: SynthMaster
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 47: More SynthMaster
- Instrumental Studies 25 - Soul Jazz Guitar Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 20: Songs with Vocals 10
- RealDrums Stems Set 10: Groovin' Sticks
- SynthMaster Sounds & Styles Set 2 (sounds & styles with audio demos)
Learn more about the Bonus PAK and 49-PAK for Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
XPro & Xtra Styles PAK Sets On Sale Now - Until May 15, 2026!
All of our XPro Styles PAKs and Xtra Styles PAKs are on sale until May 15th, 2026!
It's the perfect time to expand your Band-in-a-Box® style library with XPro and Xtra Styles PAKs. These additional styles for Band-in-a-Box® offer a wide range of genres designed to fit seamlessly into your projects. Each style is professionally arranged and mixed, helping enhance your songs while saving you time.
What are XPro Styles and Xtra Styles PAKs?
XPro Styles PAKs are styles that work with any version (Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition) of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). XPro Styles PAKS 1-10 includes 1,000 styles!
Xtra Styles PAKs are styles that work with the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). Xtra Styles PAKs 1-21 includes 3,700 styles (and 35 MIDI styles)!
The XPro & Xtra Styles PAKs are not included in any Band-in-a-Box® package.
The XPro Styles PAKs 1-10 are available for only $29 ea (reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Listen to demos and order now! For Mac or for Windows.
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Note: XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 19 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version as they require the RealTracks included in the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
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Band-in-a-Box 2026 for Mac Videos
With the release of Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac, we’re rolling out a collection of brand-new videos on our YouTube channel. We’ll keep this forum post updated so you can easily find all the latest videos in one convenient spot.
Whether you're exploring new features, checking out the latest RealTracks or Style PAKs, this is your go-to guide for Band-in-a-Box® 2026.
Check out this forum post for "One Stop Shopping" of our Band-in-a-Box® 2026 Mac Videos!
Band-in-a-Box 2026 for Mac is Here!
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac is here and it is packed with major new features! There’s a new modern look, a GUI redesign to all areas of the program including toolbars, windows, workflow and more. There’s a Multi-view layout for organizing multiple windows. A standout addition is the powerful AI-Notes feature, which uses AI neural-net technology to transcribe polyphonic audio into MIDI—entire mixes or individual instruments—making it easy to study, view, and play parts from any song. And that’s just the beginning—there are over 100 new features in this exciting release.
Along with version 2026, we've released an incredible lineup of new content! There's 202 new RealTracks, brand-new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two new RealDrums Stems sets, XPro Styles PAK 10, Xtra Styles PAK 21, and much more!
Special Offers
Upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac and save up to 50% on most upgrade packages during our special offer—available until May 15, 2026. Visit our Band-in-a-Box® packages page to explore all available upgrade options.
2026 Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK Add-ons
Our Free Bonus PAK and 49-PAK are loaded with amazing add-ons! The Free Bonus PAK is included with most Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac packages, but you can unlock even more—including 20 unreleased RealTracks—by upgrading to the 2026 49-PAK for just $49.
Holiday Weekend Hours
As we hop into the Easter weekend, here are our holiday hours:
April 3 (Good Friday): 8:00 AM – 4:00 PM PDT
April 4 (Saturday): Closed
April 5 (Easter Sunday): Closed
April 6 (Easter Monday): Open regular hours
Wishing you an egg-cellent weekend!
— Team PG
Update to Build 10 of RealBand® 2026 for Windows®!
If you're already using RealBand 2026 for Windows, download build 10 to get all the latest additions and enhancements.
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® users: Build 904 now available!
If you're already using Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®, make sure to grab the latest update! Build 904 is now available for download and includes the newest additions and enhancements from our team.
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