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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079
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Veteran
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079 |
A man goes to the doctor and the doc tells him to take all his clothes of and stand in front of the window with his tongue out. The man does it but asks why. The doc says because I hate the bloke that lives opposite.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
Did you hear about the Irish ( Polish ) woodworm ? they found it in a brick
Irish have a new invention. A waterproof tea-bag
Hear about the Irish Kamikazi pilot ? He's just returned from his 50th mission
Did you hear about the Irish fly fisherman ? He caught a 10lb bluebottle
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317 |
Don, regarding clean jokes. Check out the Readers Digest "Laughter The Best Medicine". It is in paperback and contains over 600 jokes, gags, and laugh lines for all occaisions. It it great because some of the jokes can easily be made a little risque' but still in good taste. I have the 1999 edition (second hand book store$2.00)and what I did was type a particular joke in the memo section of the song I was going to play and made it part of my program, Its ISBN number is 0-89577-977-3. DennisD
There are only 3 kinds of musicians: those that can count, and those that can't!
PC AMD A4-5300 APU 3.4 GHz, 8gb RAM, 1T HDD, Windows 10,
Reaper 4.77, BIAB2018, PTPA12, RB2018, Roland VS-880 DAW
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913 |
Don,
I'm sure you're young enough to know Henny Youngman. Most of his were clean.
Take my wife,
please!
-Scott
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy" Edinburgh "
When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589 |
a irishman scotsman englishman and a welshman were captured by the germans and put on a plane.they were each told they could have one request before leaping out of the plane.The irishman said he'd like to sing the national anthem and then leapt out of the plane.The scotsman said the same and also leapt out of the plane and when it came to the welshman he asked them to shoot the englishman before he sang the national anthem then he leapt out of the plane
AMD Athlon 7550 dual core
processor 2.51 ghz
1 87 gb ram
windows 7 Ultimate
yamaha rev 500 effects
tacam DP-24 DAW
Samson Resolv NF monitors
Yamaha PSR-620 Keyboard
Fender semi accoustic guitar
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238 |
I found a solution for my baldness: "Preparation H". It doesn't make hair grow, but it would shrink my head so the hair on the sides can cover the top.
Booboom!
2008 Gibson ES-339 Custom & 2010 Les Paul Traditional. Fender SCXD Amp
BIAB/RB 2015 UltraPAK + Ketron SD2
Windows 7/64 Intel i5 3550 PC, Tascam USB144MKII
Behringer X1204 Mixer
Bose Companion 3 and/or L1 II w/T1 + SM58 MIC
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79
Enthusiast
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Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79 |
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610
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Veteran
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610 |
Quote:
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
LOL - good one!!!
Cheers, Mike My Music * Asus ROG Strix G15CF 32 GB DDR4 4TB HDD + 1 TB SSD NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 8GB Win 11 AKAI EIE PRO Sound Interface. BIAB/RB 2024 UltraPak Build - Latest
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
nurse to new patient: "just press the call button if you don't want to be disturbed for an hour or so."
john conley, the patient, was improving until he took a turn for the nurse.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
My father was a magician..... he could walk down the street and turn into a pub. 
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
A drunk stumbled out of a bar and saw his mother-in-law walking down the street with a duck under her arm.
"Hey", he said, "Where did you get the pig?"
She replied "You're drunk... it's not a pig.... it's a duck "
He replied "Shut up... I was talking to the duck"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
keith, then you're a fellow irishman!? lol
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
Veteran
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OP
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.” The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’”
The teacher fainted…
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
You'd never want to discuss the nurses with me...Mom was, the ex wife was, and at least 20 g/f's were. I used to date the entire nursing school. It was close to my house and there were 200 of them. Show up on Friday at 4 with Dad's car out front of the Nursing Residence and fill up the car, off to the Roller Rink, a drive in restaurant after. Like shootin' fish in a Barrel.
If you can't get a date, get a nurse.
The rest I can't tell here...LOL.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Joined: Dec 2007
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1) One day a man arrived home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up" she purred, "and you can do anything you want". So he tied her up and went gofing.
2) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.
3) A woman came home, screeching her car into the garage and ran into the house. She shouted on the top of her lungs "Honey, I won the lottery, pack your bags.I won the lottery". The husband said "Oh my god, what should I pack, where are we going? Mountain or Beach, cold or warm?". "Doesnt matter", she said, "Just get out"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,650
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,650 |
No man is complete until he is married
..then he's finished.
I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome
Make your sound your own!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,449 |
It's a three ring circus.... engagement RING, wedding RING, and suffeRING
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439 |
Two word for a perfect marriage (Husband speaking): "Yes dear".
--=-- My credo: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing - just ask my missus, she'll tell ya  --=--You're only paranoid if you're wrong!
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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Last Chance! The Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® Special Ends Today (May 31, 2026) at 11:59pm PDT!
Time really is running out! Save up to 50% on Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® upgrades and receive a FREE Bonus PAK—only when you order by 11:59 PM PDT today!
We've added many major new features and new content in a redesigned Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
Version 2026 introduces a modernized GUI redesign across the program, with updated toolbars, refreshed windows, smoother workflows, and a new Dark Mode option. There’s also a new side toolbar for quicker access to commonly used windows, and the new Multi-View feature lets you arrange multiple windows as layered panels without overlap, making it easier to customize your workspace.
Another exciting new addition is the amazing new AI-Notes feature, which can transcribe polyphonic audio into MIDI. View the results in notation or play them back as MIDI, and choose whether to transcribe an entire track or transcribe specific parts like drums, bass, guitars/piano, or vocals. There's over 100 new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®.
There's an amazing collection of new content too, including 202 RealTracks, new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two RealDrums Stems sets, and much more!
Upgrade your Band-in-a-Box for Mac® to save up to 50% on most Band-in-a-Box® 2026 upgrade packages!
Plus, when you order your Band-in-a-Box® 2026 Mac upgrade during our special, you'll receive a Free Bonus PAK of exciting new add-ons.
If you need any help deciding which package is the best option for you, just let us know. We are here to help!
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 Mac Special Offers Extended Until May 31st!
Good news- we've extended our Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® special offers until May 31, 2026!
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 is packed with major new features, enhancements, and an incredible lineup of new content! The program now sports a sleek, modern GUI redesign across the entire interface, including updated toolbars, refreshed windows, smoother workflows, a new dark mode option, and more. The brand-new side toolbar provides quicker access to key windows, while the new Multi-View feature lets you arrange multiple windows as layered panels without overlap, creating a flexible, clutter-free workspace. We have an amazing new “AI-Notes” feature. This transcribes polyphonic audio into MIDI so you can view it in notation or play it back as MIDI. You can transcribe an entire track (all pitched instruments and drums) or focus on individual parts like drums, bass, guitars/piano, or vocals. There's an amazing collection of new content too, including 202 RealTracks, new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two RealDrums Stems sets, and much more!
There are over 100 new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®.
When you order purchase Band-in-a-Box® 2026 before 11:59 PM PDT on May 31st, you'll also receive a Free Bonus PAK packed with exciting new add-ons.
Check out the Band-in-a-Box® for Mac packages page to find the best package for you.
Holiday Weekend Hours
It's Victoria Day Long Weekend in Canada. Our Customer Service hours are:
Saturday, May 16: Closed
Sunday, May 17: Closed
Monday, May 18: 8:00am - 4:00pm
Regular hours resume Tuesday, May 19th!
Today's the Last Day of the Band-in-a-Box 2026® for Mac Special!
Order before 11:59pm PDT today (May 15, 2026) to save up to 50% off your Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® upgrade and receive a FREE Bonus PAK loaded with great new Add-ons to use with this new version!
Don't wait - order today!
Check out all the new features in the redesigned Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac - Special Offers End at 11:59pm PDT on Friday, May 15th, 2026!
Order before 11:59pm PDT on Friday, May 15th and SAVE up to 50% on most Band-in-a-Box® version 2026 for Mac Upgrade packages... and that's not all! With your version 2026 for Mac purchase, we'll include a Bonus PAK full of great new Add-ons FREE! Upgrade to the 2026 49-PAK to receive even more NEW Add-ons including 20 additional RealTracks... that's 222 NEW RealTracks available with version Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac!
Upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac® today for as little as $49! Check out the Band-in-a-Box® packages page for all available purchase options.
Learn more about the Free Bonus PAK and 49-PAK here.
If you have any questions about which package is the best option for you, just let us know. We're here to help!
202 New RealTracks Released with Band-in-a-Box 2026!
With Band-in-a-Box® 2026, we've released 202 incredible new RealTracks (in sets 468-488) in a variety of genres—featuring your most requested styles!
Jazz, Funk & World (Sets 468-475):
Our new jazz, funk & blues RealTracks include a groovin’ collection of RealTracks and RealDrums! These include more requested “soul jazz” RealTracks featuring artists Neil Swainson (bass), Charles Treadway (organ), Brent Mason (guitar), and Wes Little (drums). There are new “smooth jazz” styles (4), which include a RealTracks first: muted trumpet, as well as slick new smooth jazz brushes options for drums. Blues lovers will be thrilled—there are more “classic acoustic blues” styles, including guitar (5), bass (4), and drums (10) with blues master Colin Linden, featuring understated and tasty background acoustic soloing, plus brushes drums and acoustic bass. There are also new electric blues RealTracks, including electric blues with PG favorite Johnny Hiland (3) and soulful electric slide guitar from Colin Linden (4). If you love funk & gospel, there are great new options this year, including gospel organ (3) from Charles Treadway, as well as new funk, tango, and rock ’n’ roll drums (3) and bass (1). And for big, bold arrangements, we have uptempo soul horns (4) featuring a three-part hip horn section with options for a full mix or stems of each individual horn — plus an accompanying rhythm section (4) of drums, bass, guitar, and electric piano!
Rock & Pop (Sets 476–482):
Our new rock & pop RealTracks bring a powerful mix of requested favorites, fresh genres, and modern chart-inspired styles! We have more of our popular “Producer Layered Acoustic Guitars (15)” featuring Band-in-a-Box favorite Brent Mason. We’ve continued our much-requested disco styles (10), and added new Celtic guitar (5) with a more basic, accessible approach than our previous Drop-D or DADGAD offerings. There are also highly requested yacht rock styles (17), inspired by the smooth, polished soft-rock sound of the late ’70s and early ’80s — laid-back grooves, silky electric pianos, warm textures, elegant harmonic movement, and pristine production aesthetics. Fans of heavier styles will love our new glam metal (13), capturing the flashy, high-energy sound of ’80s arena-ready guitar rock. We also have a set of rootsy modern-folk rock (18), with a warm, organic sound combining contemporary folk textures and driving acoustic strumming. And we’ve added lots of new modern pop styles (16) — the kinds of sounds you’re hearing on the radio today, featuring exciting new drums, synths, and cutting-edge RealTracks arrangements.
Country, & Americana (Sets 483–488):
Our new country & Americana RealTracks deliver a rich collection of acoustic, electric, and roots-inspired styles! We have new country pop (9) with legendary guitarist Brent Mason. There is also a potpourri (14) of bouzouki, guitars, banjo, and more, perfect for adding texture and character to contemporary acoustic arrangements. We’ve added funky country guitar (5) with PG favorite Brent Mason, along with classic pedal steel styles (5) featuring steel great Doug Jernigan. There are more country songwriter styles (8) that provide intimate, rootsy foundations for storytelling and modern Americana writing. Finally, we have “background soloing” acoustic guitar (12) with Brent Mason — simpler, but still very tasty acoustic lines designed to sit beautifully behind vocals or act as a subtle standalone solo part.
Check out all the 202 new RealTracks (in sets 468-488)!
And, if you are looking for more, the 2026 49-PAK (for $49) includes an impressive collection of 20 bonus RealTracks, featuring exciting and inspiring additions to add to your RealTracks library. You'll get new country-rhythm guitar styles from PG Music favorites Johnny Hiland and Brent Mason, along with modern-pop grooves that capture today’s radio-ready sound! There are also new indie-folk styles with guitar, bass, 6-string bass used as a high-chording instrument, acoustic guitar, and banjo. Plus, dedicated "cymbal fills" RealDrums provide an added layer that work very well with low-key folky styles with other percussion.
The 2026 49-PAK is loaded with other great new add-ons as well. Learn more about the 2026 49-PAK!
2026 Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK for Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
With your version 2026 for Mac Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, Audiophile Edition or PlusPAK purchase, we'll include a Bonus PAK full of great new Add-ons for FREE! Or upgrade to the 2026 49-PAK for only $49 to receive even more NEW Add-ons including 20 additional RealTracks!
These PAKs are loaded with additional add-ons to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box®!
This Free Bonus PAK includes:
- The 2026 RealCombos Booster PAK:
-For Pro customers, this includes 27 new RealTracks and 23 new RealStyles.
-For MegaPAK customers, this includes 25 new RealTracks and 23 new RealStyles.
-For UltraPAK customers, this includes 12 new RealStyles.
- MIDI Styles Set 92: Look Ma! More MIDI 15: Latin Jazz
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 46: Piano & Organ
- Instrumental Studies Set 24: Groovin' Blues Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 19: Songs with Vocals 9
- Playable RealTracks Set 5
- RealDrums Stems Set 9: Cool Brushes
- SynthMaster Sounds Set 1 (with audio demos)
- iOS Android Band-in-a-Box® App
Looking for more great add-ons, then upgrade to the 2026 49-PAK for just $49 and you'll get:
- 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums with 20 RealStyle.
- FLAC Files (lossless audio files) for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums
- MIDI Styles Set 93: Look Ma! More MIDI 16: SynthMaster
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 47: More SynthMaster
- Instrumental Studies 25 - Soul Jazz Guitar Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 20: Songs with Vocals 10
- RealDrums Stems Set 10: Groovin' Sticks
- SynthMaster Sounds & Styles Set 2 (sounds & styles with audio demos)
Learn more about the Bonus PAK and 49-PAK for Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac®!
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