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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079
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Veteran
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,079 |
A man goes to the doctor and the doc tells him to take all his clothes of and stand in front of the window with his tongue out. The man does it but asks why. The doc says because I hate the bloke that lives opposite.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
Did you hear about the Irish ( Polish ) woodworm ? they found it in a brick
Irish have a new invention. A waterproof tea-bag
Hear about the Irish Kamikazi pilot ? He's just returned from his 50th mission
Did you hear about the Irish fly fisherman ? He caught a 10lb bluebottle
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 317 |
Don, regarding clean jokes. Check out the Readers Digest "Laughter The Best Medicine". It is in paperback and contains over 600 jokes, gags, and laugh lines for all occaisions. It it great because some of the jokes can easily be made a little risque' but still in good taste. I have the 1999 edition (second hand book store$2.00)and what I did was type a particular joke in the memo section of the song I was going to play and made it part of my program, Its ISBN number is 0-89577-977-3. DennisD
There are only 3 kinds of musicians: those that can count, and those that can't!
PC AMD A4-5300 APU 3.4 GHz, 8gb RAM, 1T HDD, Windows 10,
Reaper 4.77, BIAB2018, PTPA12, RB2018, Roland VS-880 DAW
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913 |
Don,
I'm sure you're young enough to know Henny Youngman. Most of his were clean.
Take my wife,
please!
-Scott
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,258 |
During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy" Edinburgh "
When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 589 |
a irishman scotsman englishman and a welshman were captured by the germans and put on a plane.they were each told they could have one request before leaping out of the plane.The irishman said he'd like to sing the national anthem and then leapt out of the plane.The scotsman said the same and also leapt out of the plane and when it came to the welshman he asked them to shoot the englishman before he sang the national anthem then he leapt out of the plane
AMD Athlon 7550 dual core
processor 2.51 ghz
1 87 gb ram
windows 7 Ultimate
yamaha rev 500 effects
tacam DP-24 DAW
Samson Resolv NF monitors
Yamaha PSR-620 Keyboard
Fender semi accoustic guitar
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 238 |
I found a solution for my baldness: "Preparation H". It doesn't make hair grow, but it would shrink my head so the hair on the sides can cover the top.
Booboom!
2008 Gibson ES-339 Custom & 2010 Les Paul Traditional. Fender SCXD Amp
BIAB/RB 2015 UltraPAK + Ketron SD2
Windows 7/64 Intel i5 3550 PC, Tascam USB144MKII
Behringer X1204 Mixer
Bose Companion 3 and/or L1 II w/T1 + SM58 MIC
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79
Enthusiast
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Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 79 |
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610
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Veteran
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,610 |
Quote:
Patient: "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! Doc, what's wrong with me?!?"
Psychiatrist: "You're two tents."
LOL - good one!!!
Cheers, Mike My Music * Asus ROG Strix G15CF 32 GB DDR4 4TB HDD + 1 TB SSD NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 8GB Win 11 AKAI EIE PRO Sound Interface. BIAB/RB 2024 UltraPak Build - Latest
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
nurse to new patient: "just press the call button if you don't want to be disturbed for an hour or so."
john conley, the patient, was improving until he took a turn for the nurse.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448 |
My father was a magician..... he could walk down the street and turn into a pub. 
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448
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Veteran
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448 |
A drunk stumbled out of a bar and saw his mother-in-law walking down the street with a duck under her arm.
"Hey", he said, "Where did you get the pig?"
She replied "You're drunk... it's not a pig.... it's a duck "
He replied "Shut up... I was talking to the duck"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
keith, then you're a fellow irishman!? lol
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 8,987 |
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.” The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’”
The teacher fainted…
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 8,333 |
You'd never want to discuss the nurses with me...Mom was, the ex wife was, and at least 20 g/f's were. I used to date the entire nursing school. It was close to my house and there were 200 of them. Show up on Friday at 4 with Dad's car out front of the Nursing Residence and fill up the car, off to the Roller Rink, a drive in restaurant after. Like shootin' fish in a Barrel.
If you can't get a date, get a nurse.
The rest I can't tell here...LOL.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Joined: Dec 2007
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1) One day a man arrived home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up" she purred, "and you can do anything you want". So he tied her up and went gofing.
2) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other person is the husband.
3) A woman came home, screeching her car into the garage and ran into the house. She shouted on the top of her lungs "Honey, I won the lottery, pack your bags.I won the lottery". The husband said "Oh my god, what should I pack, where are we going? Mountain or Beach, cold or warm?". "Doesnt matter", she said, "Just get out"
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,542
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 22,542 |
No man is complete until he is married
..then he's finished.
I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome
Make your sound your own!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,448 |
It's a three ring circus.... engagement RING, wedding RING, and suffeRING
Cheers,
Keith
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,439 |
Two word for a perfect marriage (Husband speaking): "Yes dear".
--=-- My credo: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing - just ask my missus, she'll tell ya  --=--You're only paranoid if you're wrong!
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® users: Build 904 now available!
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Happy New Year!
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Wishing you and yours a very happy 2026—Happy New Year from all of us at PG Music!
Season's Greetings!
Wishing everyone a happy, healthy holiday season—thanks for being part of our community!
The office will be closed for Christmas Day, but we will be back on Boxing Day (Dec 26th) at 6:00am PST.
Team PG
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